The Guardian
by Madcapmax
Summary: Ace Teller has watched her family, friends, and more become a part of the club she so desperately wants to join. The only problem is,women don't belong in a motorcycle club.See if Ace can prove to the men in her life that this daughter can become a Son.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I killed a man for the first time four months ago. Actually, I killed three men. In Japan, a place where the sky is still blue no matter how big the ocean of red gets.

They stand around me now wondering what happened. What caused me to snap. _When_ I crossed that line. Because it's always a line that gets crossed, no matter who you are. There's always the first one. And, for the innocent, at least, there's always a damn good reason. Something traumatic always happens to set them off. Force their hand. For me, it was watching my friend die right beside me and having to sit tied to his body for two days. That was when I started cracking.

I look at the shocked faces around me, my family, my loved ones. Not all blood, mind you, but all family. Along with shock is a mix of pity, understanding, and even adoration. I know what they're thinking. They're wondering where there sweet little girl went. Before I left, they joked that while I was gone, I would be their guardian angel watching over them. Still in their hearts and minds, just not there to laugh with, or laugh at. A guardian angel to rise up on her wings at night to sit on a star and watch over them all. Guide them through their lives, protect them from the harm that was surely to come their way. But that was it, only a protective hand, a healing hand.

Well, this guardian angels back now, and she's traded her wings in for a 9mil.

**3 months before**

It was a long trip home. The flight lasted a good 16 hours. Luckily, I was only going to California, and not the east coast, or the trip would have been that much longer. Well, that wasn't the only thing that made the trip feel so long, it was the fact that I would be seeing my family soon, and I couldn't wait. I held contempt for every single time constraint; the way the plane didn't load fast enough, the way the pilot took his sweet ass time getting us in the air, the way the flight attendant wouldn't let us off the plane for five damn minutes after we landed. But as soon as we had started descending, my heart had started racing. I hadn't seen my brother in almost a year, and it hurt. Tremendously. Although he was always there in my heart and even in my mind sometimes, it wasn't the same. It's amazing how even a non-physical relationship needed a physical presence to thrive.

I hurried through the gate and into the airport and as soon as I could, grabbed my phone and hit the speed dial for Jax. He picked up on the second ring and sounded agitated.

"Hey sis, I'm guessin you're on the ground."

"Yeah, where are you?"

"Trying to find a fucking parking spot out here in this mess."

"Well don't park then just drive by the front and I'll be out there-"

I rounded the corner and there the fucker was, standing, smiling, with his phone up to his ear. The shithead was playing a trick on me. Hmmph.

I started to run towards him but when my carry on and purse felt as if they were weighing me down I dropped everything and ran to him. I must have squealed, too, judging by the looks I got from the bystanders. He threw his phone back in his pocket and started towards me at a normal pace. Next thing I knew, I was in his steel embrace.

"Jesus Christ, sis. It's good to see you too." When I pulled my face out of his neck he took my face in his hand. "You look great. God it's good to see that smile."

"You don't look so bad yourself. I see Tara is feeding you well."

"Yeah, and exercising me well too."

I aimed a good-natured jab at his stomach. "Jackson!"

"Yeah, yeah, come on let's get outta here."

"With pleasure."

He walked over and picked up the black canvas carry on I had dropped a few seconds earlier. When he held my purse out to me, I stuck my bottom lip out and gave him puppy dog eyes.

"Oh no, it's _red_, sis, you can handle this one on your own."

I laughed and smiled from ear to ear as I slung my bag over my shoulder. We slowly started making our way to the front of the building when I remembered the bags I had checked.

"Oh shit, Jax, my bags."

"Ha, alright, where do we go?"

"Hell if I know." I looked up at the signs above me, my eyes searching for one that read baggage claim. We soon found what we were looking for, but it took following several arrowed signs before we made it there.

"Is that it?...Is that it?...Is that-" He asked, pointing to each black suitcase that floated along the belt.

"Jackson! I will _tell_ you when I see them, _o.k._"

"Yeah, yeah ok. Can't I bug you a little bit?" he laughed.

I just smiled and got his most beautiful beaming smile in return. God, it was so nice it almost hurt to see it again. Hell, I loved him so much it hurt.

"Oh there, that's them." I said pointing at the black rolling suitcases that were making their way around the belt. I only knew for sure it was them because of the bright pink plastic tag on one of them reading, "You don't look like my owner" and the yellow tag on the other reading "Take my bag, do my laundry"

Jax pulled the bags off the conveyor one by one and I took one and pulled the handle up while he did the same to the other. We quickly made our way outside to Jaxs' truck and threw the suitcases in the back. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect, that's what's always so great about California. I took a deep breath in and looked up at the sky. It was a beautiful blue and it felt so good to stand under it again. It was like I could feel the sun seeping all the way through to my bones. Damn, it was good to be back.

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**Sorry nothing happened this chapter, I promise stuff will start happening later. If you like it let me know! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 **

I sat in the spacious diesel and propped my feet up on the dash in my usual fashion. I was eager to get to my destination but was also slightly eager for the journey itself. I wanted to see my hometown and see how much the face of it had changed. Everything else certainly had…well, at least in my tight nit community. Maybe the rest of the town had no idea of the hell that was going on in Charming, but a blessed few did, and knowing meant you were involved in a way that was not good.

"You ok?" Jax asked as he made his out of the parking lot.

"Yeah, I'm fine…just excited is all. And anxious."

"Don't be, you always work yourself up over nothing, and that's exactly what your doin right now. Calm down."

Calm down. Right. That wasn't exactly an easy task considering everything going on right now. Of all the times to leave, I had left at the worst possible hour. Apparently, everything goes to shit when I'm not around. The biggest things being Jax's selfish crank whore trying to kill my nephew, and then Abel having to stay in hospital because of his shitty inherited heart. Tig and Clay had killed Donna, Clay and Jax were at each other's throat, Mom had gotten raped, Chibs had gotten blown up, Luanne was dead, and the Feds were stuck up everybody's ass. I guess I wasn't a good guardian angel after all.

Wendy, well, I was over that, Abel was fine now and as long as she didn't come back around, I wasn't worried about her. Tig, I didn't know what to think about that situation. Tig was a womanizing asshole but when it came to me, he kept his mouth shut. We had gotten close when I was a teenager because of how our personalities meshed. I was the bad girl with a don't fuck with me attitude and I was wild and playful and joked around a lot. Tig was the one always cracking bad jokes and just being down right crude. We were always bullshitting and we managed to achieve a healthy relationship out of that. He was kind to me and stuck up for me. He did make borderline passes at me most of the time but I chose to take them as playful ribbing. I had missed Tig's camaraderie when I was gone, and was glad that we could get back to that. He had made a mistake in killing Donna, that's not what bothered me. What bothered me is that he and Clay didn't trust Opie enough to go and blow is head off without further investigation. _That_ pissed me off.

Clay, it was his decision, and it hurt me that someone I had looked up to could be so damn heartless. He was definitely not the same kind of man as my father. He had taken care of me, mom, and Jax after Dads death, and he wasn't a terrible father, but then again, me and Jax weren't too far from grown when dad died. But when you think about it, the teenage years are some of the hardest times in a parents and their children's lives. He did his best, and that's all I can ask for. But this thing with Donna…Clay wasn't the same man I thought I knew. I don't think _he_ changed at all, but I apparently didn't know the real him. It hurt me deeply that Donna was dead, and Clay wasn't going to forget that. I'm sure he knows that I know, Jax tells me just about everything.

The beef with Clay and Jax was going to get one of them killed if it didn't get resolved soon. I was always the one who kept their arguments to a minimum when Jax and I were younger, but this was different, this was bigger than anything we'd dealt with before. I wasn't sure if I could pull them together this time.

Mom, that strong as steel, soft as gold woman had been raped. By three men. All over money, power, and race. She was a strong one, she would heal, that's just the way she is…and it's the way she raised me. "_No matter what happens, you have to be strong, baby, the women of this club are the backbone. Whether or not the boys want to admit it, they need us." _ I have more respect for my mom than anyone I know and I think she's the strongest person I know. She would get through, it wasn't her I was worried about dealing with…I honestly couldn't wait to shove a stick up Polly Zobbel's ass for helping in the plan to rape my mother. In my opinion, she's just as guilty as Weston and Zobbel and everyone else in that scene. SAMCRO might not deal with her because she's an innocent woman, but I would.

And Chibs, oh Chibs, of all the people that had to get in that van, it had to be Chibs. The worry I went through when I got that phone call was beyond any worry I had ever felt. He hadn't wanted Jax to tell me at first but Jax knew I needed to know. If he was gone, and that had happened to Tara and I hadn't told him, he would be irate to say the least. Chibs was okay now and I was thankful for that, but it just gave me one more damn good reason for revenge against Zobbel. And his slut daughter.

Luanne, Jesus, why Luanne. I didn't even get to say goodbye. The last time I had talked to her, she had been going through some stuff, but hey, everyone was. It had been good to hear her voice but it had just made me nostalgic for days gone by. Days when Otto wasn't locked up and everything was easier. Nobody had to watch their every move for fear of being killed back then. It was good times, business as usual. I would miss her, but hopefully she was in a better place now.

The Feds, well, they would get theirs…and soon.

"Hey….Hello!!"

"Huh, what?" I said as Jax pulled me out of my reverie.

He just gave me an exasperated look and nodded towards the windshield.

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**I know it's moving slow, but I will usually publish a couple 1,000 word chapters at a time. Bear with me!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 **

"Were home!" We had just pulled up in front of Jax's house. I was fixing to meet my nephew for the first time. The last time I had seen him he was still inside Wendy, the whore. I was also going to see Tara for the first time since she had left all those years ago, and I was beyond excited. I jumped out of the truck and headed straight for the door. Tara was there to meet me with a huge smile and a tight warm hug.

"Oh my God Tara I missed you!" Unlike my mother, I had been glad when Tara came back to Charming. It didn't take me awhile to get used to it like it did mom. Tara was the only woman Jax had ever loved, and it broke his heart when she left. But she was back now, and none of that mattered. She was also my long lost best friend. Well, not exactly long lost. We had stayed in touch over the years, while she was going to school and when she got out and got her first real doctors job. I was proud of her, she was like a sister to me and I would do anything for her.

"You look amazing Tara." And she did. She was as hot as ever.

"Thank you, so do you, babe." Tara answered.

"Ok, come on I want to see Abel."

"He's in his crib but he's awake. Come on."

We all walked back to Abel's bedroom and over to his crib. And there he was, with his bright shining eyes and baby smile. I almost started crying. I reached down in the crib and gently pulled him into my arms.

"Hey pumpkin, nice to finally meet you." He smiled up at me then over to Jax. "He's beautiful Jax. Like a dream." He was definitely a happy baby, all smiles and giggles. I kissed his forehead and held him there, breathing in the baby lotion smell that I loved so much.

"He looks like us doesn't he, when we were born." Jax said.

"Almost exactly." I replied. "I bet mom loves that."

"Hey, we all do, were just glad he doesn't look like Wendy." Tara said with a laugh in her voice.

"Haha, yeah." Jax and I replied at the same time. I looked up at Jax and gave him a knowing smile.

"It's been awhile since we've done that." And it had. Jax and I had a thing for saying the same thing at the same time. I guess it had something to do with being so much alike. That and being twins.

"Come on,' Jax said 'Let's go get your stuff in here so you can get unpacked and settled."

"I have all the time in the world to do that, I'm busy right now." I looked down at Abel to prove my point. "Oh, but I do want to give you guys your gifts, so yeah, you can bring my stuff in."

We walked back into the hall and Jax made his way for the door when Tara and I made our way into the bedroom that would be mine for a while. Tara mumbled something about Abel's bouncy seat and returned a few seconds later with it. I wasn't putting him down right now but I would need two hands in a minute to go through my stuff. A few seconds later Jax came strolling into the room and threw the suitcases right side up on the bed.

"I have to go to the club and see what's going on, they'll get suspicious if I'm not there. I'll call mom in about an hour I guess, and I'll head this way and meet her here if I can, okay?" Jax said.

"Yeah, that's fine, it'll give me enough time to shower before she gets here." Mom didn't know I was home yet, only Jax and Tara. And after Mom got here, she would be the only other person to know until I could see Chibs, the rest would have to wait until tonight. My mom would most definitely want to throw some sort of welcome home party, and I wasn't going to deprive her of that. Jax kissed my forehead and then Abel's and gave Tara a light kiss on the lips. They were so damn cute together.

"I'll see you guys later, be good." He said as walked out of the room.

I waited until I heard the front door shut until I sat Abel in his seat with a coo and a smile and started opening my bags. I had only left home with one of these huge suitcases but I had accumulated so much stuff in Japan that I had had to buy another one. I started rifling through the one that held the gifts in it and soon found what I was looking for. I pulled out a silk robe, a candle set, and some sexy lingerie.

"What's all this?" Tara asked.

"Well, this,' I said, holding up the candle set, 'is for you, because you're an old lady now." I said, handing over the candles. "I got one for mom, me, and even one for Lyla."

"Oh my God, this smells amazing what is that?"

"I have no idea I just thought the smell suited you. Look on the bottom of the candle holder."

She turned the plate upside down and what she saw brought a quick smile to her lips. Her name was engraved on the bottom.

"Nice personalization dontcha think?"

"It's great, I love it. I want to light them now." She walked over to the dresser and set the candles on it. With her back to me, she held out an open hand towards me. I smiled and reached into my pocket and pulled out my cigarette lighter to hand to her.

"Thanks." She lit the candles then breathed deep to get the full effect.

"I can smell it over here already; you don't have to stand so close to it. You're gonna burn your eyebrows off."

"I can't help it. It smells, it smells…I can't even think of a good enough word."

I laughed in agreement and said, "There's more."

"Huh? More?"

I held up the silk robe and handed it to her. "This, is because your family, in another way, you're my brothers girlfriend."

"Oh Ashlyn it's beautiful! It's so soft, what is this _silk_?"

"Sure is." I replied. She swung it around her back and slid her arms through the sleeves.

"Holy shit this is nice. Thank you!" She gave me a tight squeeze around my shoulders and rocked me side to side to show her appreciation.

"Your welcome, honey. And this,' I said holding up the lingerie, 'is because you're my best friend."

"Holy crow that's sexy."

"Isn't it?!? I got one too, I don't know, you think Chibs'll like it?" I fished through the bag and pulled mine out. It was a different color, but for the most part, the same outfit.

"Honey, Chibs would think you were sexy in a fat suit."

I always got excited thinking about Chibs. And yeah, I would probably think he was sexy in a fat suit too. I started giggling like a little school girl with a crush. That man made my legs weak.

I remember the first time I met him. Me and Jax , as well as Opie, Tara, and some other friends, had a penchant for staying out late and getting into trouble. One morning after a long night out Jax and me had gotten up and ridden to the clubhouse to drop me off so he could go get Tara. I walked in and as usual changed into my mechanics shirt to start my shift. When I realized that Opie or Tig weren't at work I made my way into the clubhouse to find them. Tig was behind the bar, chatting up some crow eater when I came in.

"Hey darling!" He crowed.

"Why aren't you in the shop? You expect me to stay out there without my fav mechanics? Where the hell is Opie?"

"Oh, he's in the apartment, had a bender last night or somethin. He's sleepin it off." Tig smiled that evil smile of his.

I walked past the bar and into the hallway making my way to the bedroom here in the clubhouse. I put my ear to the door just in case Tig had been shitting me and Opie or someone else was in there with a girl. When I didn't hear anything I opened the door and found Opie sound asleep with his eyes squinted against the sun coming in through the window. I placed a hand on his forehead and called his name but he didn't answer.

"Ope. Ope. Opie. OPIE!. Wake up, what the hell are you doin?" He just swatted at me and rolled over. I climbed on to the bed, took him by the shoulders, and shook him. "_Opie_! Wake your ass up, if your dad catches you with a hangover your dead, now get _up_!"

"Jesus, I'm comin, I'm up, get off me." He sat up and pushed me away from him a little forcefully. He realized his mistake immediately though and threw a hand out behind him and muttered a "Sorry."

"Jesus Ope, how much did you drink last night?"

"A lot. You gotta smoke?"

"No, I'll go get one from Tig. Hold on."

I walked back to the bar and stepped up right beside Tig. "Hey Tigger, you got a cig?"

"Only if you stay here and chat me up while you smoke it."

"Opie's not gonna like that but oh well."

"How's he doin?" Tig questioned.

"Hung-over." Tig held a cigarette out to me and when I put it to my lips, lit it.

"So, you hear about the new guy?" Tig said.

"Uhh, _no_, what new guy?"

"New guy, IRA, wantin to prospect."

"He's Irish?"

"No, Scottish…_don't look at me like that_, he's not a prospect yet, we'll have him hang around for awhile before we make that decision."

"Uhh, okay." I said, giving a 'whatever' attitude to Tig.

"You should see him, he's got these scars on his face," Tig brought his hands up to his face and made a sweeping motion all the way from his lips to about an inch from his ear.

"Holy shit, he's an ugly one then. Sounds freakin scary."

"Oh yeah, it's freaky alright. He must have really pissed someone off." Tig sounded excited, like he couldn't wait to get to the bottom of those scars.

Just then, the door to the clubhouse opened and Clay's familiar voice sounded through the room. I quickly stubbed my cigarette out as Opie walked up behind me.

"What the hell is takin so long?" Opie asked.

"Tig was tellin me about the new guy." I nearly whispered in his ear, because the man that Clay had with him was unrecognizable from behind, and I thought maybe he was the new guy. He looked nice from the back; I at least had to give him that. Tall, nicely muscled, amazing ass. This might not be so bad. Tig elbowed me and nodded towards the man silently telling me that this was indeed 'Scarface.' Clay turned and walked over to the bar gesturing for the man to follow him. The closer the man got, the more my heart sped up. I couldn't see his face well, and the shadows cast on his cheeks made him all the more mysterious. When they reached the bar, Clay sat down motioning for him to do the same. They swung their stools around to face Tig, Opie, and me and Clay started making introductions.

"Chibs, I'd like you to formally meet Tig, our Sergeant at Arms." The Scotsman held a hand out to shake and Tig did the same.

"This is Opie, Piney's kid, and this,' Clay said, 'is my daughter, Ashlyn. Guys, this is Chibs."

Our eyes met, and my whole body went haywire. I had never been socially inept, but when he held out his hand to shake mine, I looked like an idiot because I couldn't remember what to do. I somehow made my way through the introduction without having to be locked up in the funny house, but just barely. Clay and the man continued to talk, and Tig joined in, but I just stood there going between watching the man from my peripheral vision, to head on when appropriate, to avoiding his gaze at times. He probably thought it was the scars that made me react that way, but that wasn't it. Well, not all of it. He was beautiful, in a very rugged way. He had sweet, deep puppy dog eyes, perfectly arched eyebrows, beautiful lips, and even the scars added something sexy to him. He wasn't scary at all. He was…I didn't know yet. Not what I had expected. This was not a man I could judge by looks and attitude alone, I would have to get to know him first. The thought of that made my heart race…getting to _know_…Chips, Chibs? What kind of name was that anyway? He was a good bit older than me, but while I had never dated an older man, it was always them that I was more attracted too. Even with celebrities, I'd much rather watch guys like Johhny Depp instead of…I don't know, I didn't keep up with the youngsters names. Oh well.

The Scotsman's voice was like butter in my ears and I could understand every word, but Clay had to ask him to repeat himself every once in awhile. You could tell it was irritating for him, but it wouldn't last long, the guys would get used to it soon. Not long after that, Clay thumped the bar and asked why me, Tig and Opie weren't out in the shop. He also suggested that Scotty could come with us so he could learn the ropes of his new job. Great, I could barely look at the guy without flushing red and now I was gonna be working with him. This should be fun.

****

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Nice little trip down memory lane there. There will be more to come about Chibs and Ashlyn's past soon. Let me know if you like the story and how it's moving. If it sucks, it can't get better without critics!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 **

Memory lane stopped at a red light when the water in the shower started turning cold. Shit, I had been in here too long, I knew Jax had a big enough water heater. When I came out of the bathroom I could hear Tara humming from Abel's room. Must be nap time. Tara had gone through my things when I was in the shower and set up my makeup and toiletries on the dresser. That sweet girl. I brushed through my hair and threw it back up into the towel and started putting my makeup on. Half way through my ritual, my cell phone rang. It was Jax.

"Hey, you want me to send mom over? Tell her Tara needs help with Abel?"

"Yeah, let her know. Are you coming back?"

"Not right now, but yeah after awhile, I got some stuff I gotta take care of first."

"K, love you, bye Jax."

Pause. "You too, Ash."

When I finished getting dressed I studied myself in the mirror. I wondered if mom was going to like my new hair. I had had blonde hair as a child but the older I had gotten the darker it had gotten. It leveled off right at the point where it depended on who you asked as to whether I was a brunette or blonde. There was no question now. I had dyed it a shiny jet black, and it was beautiful. Jax and Tara had been warned about my hair so they expected it, but mom and everybody else had no idea. I just wondered what Chibs was going to think.

"Ashlyn? Gemma's here." Tara appeared at my door.

"Okay,' I said, 'I'll be in there in a minute."

Tara nodded and walked out of the room. When I heard my mother's voice in the kitchen, I gave myself a minute then slowly walked out of the room. The closer I got to the kitchen though, the faster I went. I had missed my mother desperately. I stepped into the kitchen but my mother had her back turned towards me. When Tara saw me she looked up, and my mother turned around to see what she looking at.

"Oh my God. Oh my God, Ashlyn." She scrambled to me pulled me into a warm embrace. "Holy shit baby, you're not supposed to be back for two months. What have you done to your hair? When did you get here? Why didn't I know you were coming home?"

"I wanted to surprise you. And I just got here this morning, I've only had time to take a shower." I ran a hand through my hair and smiled. "You like it?

"Well, it'll take some getting used to that's for sure, but it doesn't look bad on you."

"Thanks." I looked over to see Tara smiling at the two of us.

Mom looked back at Tara then at me and said, "You look more like _Tara_ now than you do Jax, sweetie."

I just laughed. "I _was_ always envious of her beautiful hair."

"Honey, why are you back so soon, what happened?" she asked as she led me over to the kitchen table.

"Oh, nothing I was just done is all. And there was no sense hanging out over there with nothing to do when I'd rather be here."

"Oh sweetie I'm just glad your back." She gave me look that said that whatever she was about to ask me I had better answer with what she wanted to hear. "Does Chibs know you're back yet?"

"No, not yet. It's just you, Tara, and Jax right now."

"Well good, I won't have you puttin any man before your own mother. I raised you well I guess."

"Yes, you did." We sat and talked for an hour or so before she mentioned anything about a welcome home party for me.

"Well, since you didn't give me much time it won't be perfect but I'll manage." Gemma said.

"As long as everybody's there it'll be perfect." I replied.

"Well, I had better get started. I'll tell everybody I just felt like having a party, they know me well enough to believe that I'll throw a party for no reason."

I laughed. "You don't have to do much to get those guys to party, anyway."

"You're right, baby. I guess I better get goin, I have a lot I need to do. I call you later, sweetie." She stood up and kissed me on my forehead before leaving.

Tara gave me a knowing glance and squeezed my hand. "You ready for this?"

I did my best Hondo impression and said, "Like I told you, I was born ready."

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**  
Let me know what you think please!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 **

Jax called me later to let me in on what he was doing. The plan was, he would go down to the closest motel by his house, rent a room, go back to Teller-Morrow, and ask Chibs to help him move a sofa at the house. They would come by the house to get the truck to pick the new couch up in, but would come in first to get the old couch to take it God knows where. When Chibs came in, of course, I would be sitting on that couch, and I would be the one taking the ride. The couch wasn't going anywhere.

I was so nervous I could have puked when I heard the roar of two Harleys pulling into the driveway. I heard Chibs and Jax talking outside, but the pounding in my ears almost drowned their voices out. Don't even get me started on what my stomach was doing. I checked my hair and makeup in the mirror and practically ran to the couch. I was so fidgety that I thought maybe Jax would need a new couch by the time I calmed down. The door opened. Oh. My. God.

Chibs thundering brogue accent reverberated through the house and I thought I might have a heart attack. Every step I heard him take seemed like he was walking in slow motion. He just wasn't getting here fast enough. Then he turned the corner into the living room stopped short when he saw me.

"What the hell?!?"

I just smiled and started to leap off the couch to him but he was already in front of me, knocking me back down on the couch then pulling me up in a fierce embrace. "Oh my God, love. You're here." Next things I knew, his lips were tight on mine and my body sizzled in reaction. We kissed each other for a short time then he pulled back from me. "Love, what did you do to your hair?"

"Do you like it?" I sheepishly asked.

"Aye. Come on, let's get out of here. We have some catching up to do." He looked at me like he could have taken right then and there in front of Jax and Tara. For all I cared, they could have left the room and let us go for it.

Jax stepped in at that point and handed Chibs the room key for the motel. Chibs took it and looked down at the name of the motel and the room number on the card. "Aye, Jackie Boy, right you are. Come, love."

This time he picked me completely up and carried me, kissing me, all the way to his bike. I started to get on when Tara opened the door and threw me her helmet. Oh yeah, I might need one of those. We got on the bike and I wrapped my arms tight around Chib's waist, burying my head in the Sons of Anarchy patch on the back of his cut. It felt so good to back in this man's arms, he was all I ever wanted, and now that I was with him again, not much else mattered. The bike roared to life and we took off down the street to find our little temporary piece of paradise.

I don't think I've ever seen Chibs drive so hastily before. He rushed through town like we were dodging bullets. It was fine with me, I was just as anxious to get our clothes off as he was. As long as he didn't kill us before we got the chance. A good tension was building inside of me the whole way to the motel. We were going to need a rough rider condom. Or three. He swung into the parking lot and pulled the bike into the closest space. When we jumped off he grabbed my hand and started towing me down the line of rooms, looking for the room labeled 125. I followed along beside him, just as excited. Finally, we were there. He shoved the card into the lock and pulled it out just as quickly. The light beeped and flashed red.

"Goddammit!"

"Calm down Chibs give it to me. Give it to me!" I had to snap my fingers before he thrust the card into my hand. I had a feeling if it didn't work this time, he would break the door down instead of going to the office to get another key. I slid the card into the slot, waited half a sec, then gently pulled it out again. We both let out a little moan when the light flashed green. He pushed the door open and pulled me inside enough to shut the door. Then he pushed me up against the back of the door and shoved his lips to mine. He was hungry for me, and I for him. The excitement in the room was palpable. With the pheromones we were putting off, the whole place would be having sex soon if the motel was hooked up to central heating and air. We were never ones to be patient in the sack, and our separation only magnified our desire for each other. He ran his hands up under my shirt, under my bra, and cupped my breast. My nipples were already hard enough to cut glass. When I pulled my shirt off he bent down and took one of them in his mouth, sucking, biting, leaving the marks that I had stopped letting him leave on my neck a long time ago. He then turned his attention to the other breast, giving it the same treatment. I moaned and arched under his tongue, pushing my breast further into his mouth. "Oh they've missed me, love."

"Yes, they have. I've missed you too." He stood back up then, searching for my mouth. I gave it to him and started undoing his belt and pants while he did the same for me. As we stepped out of our pants I pulled his cut off and tugged his shirt over his head, then we were back to our dance of kissing biting, and grinding. We turned towards the bed and when we got close, he practically threw me down on top of it. I was hungrier for him than ever, and needed him inside me desperately. It didn't take long for him to give me what I needed, and then he was inside me, thrusting with a fervor like never before. It was magical, I'd never felt something so glorious in my life as the feel of him inside me right then.

"_Jesus_, your fucking tight." Chibs said in a moan. His hands were on each of my ass cheeks, his fingers squeezing into me.

"That's what happens when you don't have sex for 10 months. Voila, it's like new again."

He laughed. "If anything was worth being away from you for so long, this is it. But-"

I sat up as much as I could and placed a hand around his neck, pulling his face to mine. "No talking. Just fuck me."

That sweet, sweet smile that I had so desperately missed spread across his beautiful face. "Aye lass. I can do_ that_."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 **

"Why _are_ you back so early? And why didn't you tell me?" I was splayed across Chib's chest and he was running his hands through my hair. "I thought you were going to stay the full year."

I sighed, it felt so good to be here again, in his arms, hearing that voice rumble through his chest. It was never the same thing over the phone. "Well, I was desperately home sick, I had taken all the prints that I was going to take, and they sensed that, so they said I could come home."

"Huh." Chibs said.

"What?"

He paused for a minute before replying. "Well, it just figures to me, that you could have done that a lot sooner than you did, if it was_ that_ easy."

"It was not easy Filip Telford; don't give me bullshit about it. They didn't want to give me up but I wasn't going back out there." No, not with what happened out there. All I had wanted to do was come home, but I couldn't tell Chibs about that yet. "I had done everything I could, there's only so many things you can take a damn picture of."

I had been in Japan for the past ten months, working with a big tourist company over there that wanted pictures of their countryside. Anyone over there could have done it, but their partners had held a contest over here where the person with the best landscape and nature photos won the chance to take a scenic trip through Japan. I had won, and had decided to go. It was a chance of a lifetime and that's not something you give up easily, even though it meant leaving Chibs and the rest of my family behind. I was more homesick than I could have possibly imagined, and it came through in my photos.

The company said it was good though. Me being homesick for Charming, turned into homesick for Japan in the eyes of the viewers. It gave the Japanese a pride in their country and its beauty and it made tourist want to swoop in from all directions. The pictures made you want to go there, desperately. When all I had wanted was to come here, desperately.

I had taken some personal photos while I was there, of course. The kind of photo you describe as art and hang on your wall. I had made some for me, some for Tara, and a few others, even some for Luanne, but she would never get them now. I was most proud of the ones that were for my mother. Soon, I would get them set up for her and would get to watch her cry over half of them. My mother's pictures were screaming with strength and beautiful sorrow. After what she's been through these past few months, it fit her perfectly.

"I'm sorry, love, I know. I'm just glad you're home now is all."

"I know." I cuddled up closer to him and when he turned his head towards me, I kissed him, deeply.

"Come on love, we have to get ready for this party of yours."

"But it's not for two hours,' I reached out for him as he slid out of bed, 'don't leave me." He stood in front of the bed and pulled me up like you would pick up a baby and I straddled his hips with my legs.

"Oh I know, but we've still got to take a shower." He laid his forehead on mine and said, "A _long _shower." He twirled me up and around as he carried me to the bathroom, me giggling the whole way.

* * *

"Almost ready?" Chibs sidled up behind me and squeezed my ass. We had taken our _long _shower at the motel then had come back to Jax's house for me to redo my makeup and hair. We were almost ready to leave; I was just putting the finishing touches on my makeup.

"I really do like your hair like that. You remind me less of Jackie Boy now." He said as he ran his fingers through my hair again.

"Glad to hear it." I laid my head back against his chest and sighed deeply. He stuck his face in my neck and growled.

"Anything to make you happy, love."

As much as I didn't want to leave his embrace, it was time to go. I wanted to get to the club before all the hang arounds showed up and everybody got shitfaced. "Come on baby, let's go."

* * *

We pulled in the parking lot shortly after sunset. The crowd was already starting to mill around outside the club, but it wasn't hectic yet. I looked around to see everything exactly as I left it. It was nice to see the club and the shop again, I felt more at home now, just being on this lot. The final step would be spending time in the clubhouse, and maybe fooling around with Chibs in the apartment after the party. Or in the middle. Whatever.

Some of the hang arounds I recognized, but most I didn't. Hmm, some things do really change in a year. We were both getting funny looks, but most of the weird stares were directed at me. They were confused stares. Good. That meant that Chibs wasn't used to being seen with a woman. Or, he was used to being seen with one woman in particular, and I knew it hadn't been me, and if that was the case, I would know soon because she would show her slutty little face sometime tonight. Before I had left, I told Chibs that I would have a don't ask don't tell policy about what he did while I was gone. He told me I had nothing to worry about, but men will be men, and I'd rather not know what happened when I was gone.

When we walked into the clubhouse I made a quick scan around the room. Bobby was sitting at the bar, opposite Tig on the other side, with two crow eaters hanging on their backs. Juice was playing pool with Half-Sack and Happy. Clay, Jax, Gemma, Tara, Opie, and Piney were nowhere in sight. Bobby and Tig glanced up at Chibs and me as we walked in the bar. Both did a double take when they saw us, and gave Chibs an irritated glance. Then they turned their attention back towards me. I saw Bobby's eyes widen then his mouth popped open into a little O and his toothpick fell to the floor.

"What the hell?"

"Holy shit."

"Your shitting me?"

I couldn't hold my smile in any longer and by that time Juice, Half Sack and Happy had noticed us.

"Ace baby, is that you?!?"

"You know it Bobby."

"Holy shit it is her." Bobby slid off the stool and started my way while Tig made his way around the bar. When Bobby got close he stopped in front of me and held me at arm's length. He looked me up and down and Tig started walking around me doing the same thing.

"It sounds like her. Same face and everything." Bobby said.

"Same legs and ass." Came Tig's reply from behind me. Then he sounded as if he had gotten a playful smack in the stomach. Thanks Chibster.

Juice, Happy, and Half Sack came walking up behind Bobby now.

"But it seems,'- Bobby said, looking at my hair.

"That something has _shit_ on her head and left one _hell _of a nasty stain." Tig now had his hands on the top of my head and was intently studying my scalp.

"Did you shoot it?" Tig asked.

I knew what he meant but decided to play along anyway. "Shoot what?"

"Whatever shit on your _head."_

I smacked him in the chest and he started laughing and pulled me up into a hug. "Good to see you baby girl."

"You too Tigger. I missed you."

"Move _over_, let me at her, let me at her." Bobby started pushing Tig out of the way.

"Bobby!" Bobby's hug felt like what I would think a bear's hug would feel like. Or at least a teddy bear.

"Good to see you darling, what's with the hair? I thought you weren't due back for a little longer?"

"Oh, I got done early so I thought I'd surprise everybody. Surprise! And the hair, I don't know, I guess I felt a little out of place over there with blonde hair."

"Like that's ever bothered you before." Bobby joked.

"Hey Juicay babay!!" I pulled Juice into a hug this time.

"Hey Ace, welcome back, I'm guessing this party of Gemma's is for you right?" Juice smiled when I nodded. "And I like your hair, makes you hotter." He said as he leaned closer and winked at me.

I punched him on the arm and Chibs gave him a look that said 'You're glad it wasn't me, bro.'

"_Holy shit."_

I was hearing that a lot tonight. But this time, it was the big guy, Clay. I made my way to him and he welcomed me warmly. "Welcome home, sweetheart. What's with the hair."

"You don't like it?"

He studied me for a moment then replied, "With that hippy shirt you have on, you look a little like Cher."

"Then I'll take that as a compliment, since I don't know how to take it."

He shrugged. "Neither good nor bad I guess, just is."

At that moment, Gemma, Jax, and Tara walked in the door holding sackfulls of food. Mom sighed and smiled when she saw me. "I see the belle of the ball has arrived. Let's get this party started then."

* * *

The party started kicking as new people filed in. Before I knew it, I had had two glasses of vodka, and had already lost two games of pool to Bobby and was fixing to lose another to Tig. I always sucked at pool, and it wasn't for lack of experience or good teachers. I just really wasn't good at it. The only time I won was when it was by default, and the other player knocked the eight ball in. Oh well, it was still fun and the guys always got a good laugh out of it. We were all crowded around the pool table, catching up, trading stories, and aiming good-natured ribbing at each other. It was like old times.

Somewhere in the middle of my losing game with Tig, Opie and Lyla showed up. I had never met Lyla before, but who else would the girl up Ope's ass be. She _was_ pretty; I guess you have to be at least decent to be a porn star. I handed my cue to Chibs and walked up to Opie. He looked at me like I was a ghost for a second, then smiled and gave me a hug.

I squeezed his shoulders and whispered an, "I'm sorry" in his ear. I felt him nod as he shot back "Welcome home, sis."

He squeezed me back before setting me back on the floor. "I want you to meet someone. Ashlyn, this is Lyla." He said, putting his arm around the woman's shoulder. "Lyla, this is Ashlyn Teller, Jax's sister."

There it was, 'Jax's sister'. No one ever introduced Jax as 'Ashlyn's brother', but whatever.

She seemed a little shocked when I wrapped my arms around her. "Hi Lyla, I've heard a lot about you."

She looked wary of that. She didn't need to be, I was the one who had talked Gemma and Tara off of their bitch ledge when it came to Lyla. Nothing I had heard about her before then had been good, but they didn't know her then. After they started getting to know her, I had heard good things about her.

"Don't worry, it's all been good." I reassured her with a wink. "Where's your dad, Ope?"

"He wasn't coming, but I might be able to get him here if I tell him you're here."

"No don't worry about it, let him know, of course, but tell him not to worry about it. Let him be an old man tonight." That old man had to be going through some real shit right now. I couldn't expect him to snap out of it just for my unexpected welcome home party. I wasn't a diva.

But I _was_ a partier. It was time to let loose for the first time in over ten months. The last time I had gotten drunk had been at my send off the night before I left. It was beyond time.

* * *

The party raged on into the night and most everyone was slaughtered. Chibs held onto me like I was going to disappear any second, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I talked a little with Lyla, and she seemed nice enough. We would be good friends soon if she was the same girl tomorrow. Even mom and Tara really liked her. I could definitely see what Opie saw in her.

Everyone else seemed the same as they were 10 months ago. Things had changed, people's lives were different, but for the most part, they were the same people inside. But you can't expect this club to go through what they had gone through not be a little different. This just wasn't the setting to see those changes. Everybody seemed happy enough, but the alcohol had a lot to do with that. It was just like old times really, it was fun.

I lost several games of pool to Bobby, Tig, Half Sack, Jax and Opie. Chibs refused to play me because he couldn't stand to watch me lose to him, but he also couldn't stand to let me win either. Mom and Clay seemed happy together; they had gone through a slight rough patch after mom had been raped but had apparently worked through it. Clay still didn't know what happened, and for right now, it was better that way. I knew Clay wasn't all that happy about staying in the porn business now that Luanne wasn't around, but hopefully he and Jax could sort it out soon. Tonight wasn't about club business, it was about the princess being home.

"Love." Chibs rested his chin on my shoulder for the hundredth time that night.

"Yeah baby?" He gently spun me around and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his hands on my ass, and his eyes on my lips. I met his lips with mine to give him a light kiss that turned into something much slower and deeper.

"Let's get outta here." He stuck his hands deep into my pockets and squeezed tightly while pulling me even closer to him.

"Okay." We dodged the people standing around talking and watching the pool game between Bobby and Happy, and made our way to the apartment. Luckily, it was unoccupied. When Chibs closed the door he took me gently in his arms and laid his forehead against mine.

"I love you."

"I love you too Chibs."

He slowly removed his clothing, piece by piece, and stopped me when I tried to rush things by removing mine. After he was completely naked, he gently tugged my clothes off, making a show about how exact and purposeful he was being. After he was finished, he led me towards the bed then laid down on it, pulling me on top of him. He wrapped his arms around me again and pulled me close to him, then brought his arms up to my head and held it tenderly there on his chest. We lay comfortably like that for a few minutes, his hands soothingly running over my back, my fingers twirled in his hair. It was peaceful, but the intensity of being so close to him again was overwhelming. The moment was so beautiful that I had to stop myself from crying. I hated myself a hundred times over again for ever leaving. I felt his fingertips touch my chin and his other arm move off my back to signal that he wanted my attention. When I looked up at him he had tears in his eyes, though none had rolled down his cheek.

"Please…' His voice was so thick with emotion it broke my heart into a million pieces, 'don't ever leave me again."

My tears came out in full force now; I couldn't stop them, and didn't want to. "I won't baby, _ever_, ever again. I'm not going anywhere. _Ever_."

He reached up and trailed a finger down my cheek before pulling my face down to his. "Good." he let out before pressing his lips to mine.


	7. Chapter 7

**Today we get to take a small peek into what happened to Ashlyn in Japan. Thanks for the reviews, they make my day and keep me writing. Hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter 9 **

"Call me Endo. It'll be easier to remember."

"Alright, Endo, call me Ace, it'll be easier to remember." I smiled at the man who was to be my guide through both the cities and countryside's of Japan. My protector and soon to be close friend.

"Ace of?" Endo cocked his head to the right in question.

"Hmm?" I replied.

"Ace of hearts, clubs, diamonds, what's the other one? Oh yeah, spades."

"Oh,' I said, a smile lighting my face, "All of 'em."

The scene changed to another memorable moment of our trip, a happier time.

"So, you are the _daughter _of _the original _founding father and first president of the Sons, the _step-daughter _of the currentpresident, the _twin sister_ of the current VP and future president, and the, excuse me, _old lady_ of one of the members, who is possibly the future VP when your brother takes over. Wow, you're kind of important. How does life treat you there?" Endo questioned me over his campfire dinner. We had gotten used to sleeping around a fading campfire every night snuggled in down sleeping bags. The pictures I was getting were gold. There was no end to the remarkable possibilities for masterpieces out here.

"It treats me fine I guess."

"Doesn't sound like it treats you well."

"It's not that. It's just, when you say it like that: the daughter, the step daughter, the old lady, the sister, etc. It makes me realize how I'm defined. I'm not defined by me, I'm defined as the 'whatever' of a member of the club."

"And you don't want to be all of those things?"

"No, I do. And I'm proud to be all of those things, but I didn't do anything to get there, I was just automatically placed in those positions. I just wish, sometimes, that that's not all I was to the club."

"What else could you be? One day you'll probably be a mother to one of the members. You're an aunt to a possible future member…Ohhh. I see."

"What? What do you see?"

"You'd like to be an actual member, wouldn't you? Could that happen?" He tipped his head to the side in that same questioning fashion I had gotten used to.

"You're a smart one, Endo. And no, that couldn't happen, not in a million years. Women aren't cut out for that kind of life. We don't have the, I don't know, 'kill' gene or something."

"Women can have that. What about all the women in the military? You think they don't have the gumption to do what needs to be done?" His eyebrows inched high up his forehead while he spoke.

"Oh I know they do. I know _I_ do. I don't mean to be stuck on myself or anything, but I have the brains, and the gall, just like any of them do. But it could never happen."

"It must hurt you." He nodded sympathetically. "You have to sit back and watch everyone pass you by. You can stand behind your family, but not beside them. That has to hurt."

"Yeah, it does."

"Well you know what you have to do then." He gave me that 'it's so simple, why haven't you done it yet' look. "You have to convince them that you can roll with the big dogs."

I laughed at his use of western slang. "That's not that easy to do. They don't really let me around situations that I could prove myself in. And besides, they see me as their precious little girl. They watched me grow up; some even held me as a baby."

"Either way, I'm sure you could convince them."

The scene swirled again to a darker time, a time that needed to be forgotten, but never would be. A fast collage of the experience swam in eyes.

The rain that wouldn't end. My wrists raw from the rope tied around them. Huddling up to Endo for warmth. "Look at me Ace, it's going to be okay. No matter what happens, we're going to be fine." Two of the men leaving, the others hands crawling over my body, the knife at Endo's throat, my screams. My tears falling on Endo's cold body. The hand-dug grave, the bullets through each mans chest and head, the lonely walk back to civilization…

Suddenly I was awake. I was covered in sweat and my heart was racing ninety to nothing. Chibs and I had stayed in the clubhouse apartment and it was already morning outside. I rolled over and wrapped my body around Chibs, thankful that I had him for comfort. It was no use trying to fall back asleep now. Before the accident, before I left home, it didn't matter how many times I was woken up, I could still go back to sleep. Now that I started every morning with the same nightmare, I was always too wired to sleep. No matter how much I wished I could sleep so I wouldn't have to feel, I was scared that if I fell back asleep, I would drift back into the same dream. No sense in going through it twice in a day, once was more than enough.

Chibs reacted to my touch as if I had sent an electric shock through his body. One minute he was sound asleep with his back to me, the next he was wrapping his body around mine in a passionate way. His intentions were clear, and it didn't take long for him to take my mind off of Endo and focus it on himself. I thought about last night, and the way he had made himself obviously vulnerable to me. For him to show that to me meant a lot and I knew it had been difficult for him to do. It had just made me all the more in love with him, and I hadn't thought that was possible.

He rose above me and hovered there with his face just inches above mine. As I took his face in my hand, my fingertips brushed across one of his scars, reminding me of years past, when Chibs and I had first gotten together.

We had been flirting around each other for months, but had just gotten bold enough with each other to take the next step. We were standing in the garage and club parking lot, hidden behind an SUV. And were playing with each other with kisses, squeezes, and teases when suddenly it took a more serious turn.

"So, these don't bother you? At all?" Chibs questioned as he took my right hand and held it close to his left cheek. His face showed a slight bit of amusement but mostly worry. Bless his heart.

"Why would they?" I asked, pulling from his hand and closing the distance to his cheek. "I think they're kinda sexy, ya know? I mean," I ran my fingertips along the scar on his left cheek and watched as his expression melted to one of pleasure. "women actually pay for this kind of definition in their cheeks."

His eyes snapped open and focused on me with a confused look. "S'cuse me?"

I reluctantly took my hand from his face and pointed to the hollow of my cheek that was made all the more prominent by my blush. "See this pink streak right here? That's not natural. But it gives my face character, so I pay eight bucks for a little box of pink war paint to make my face look more toned. That's what these do for you." I placed my hand back on his cheek and watched his eyes as he weighed the sincerity of my words. What he saw must have pleased him because he eventually looked less confused and more accepting of my thoughts on his scars. He reached up, placed his fingers in the hollow of my cheek, and muttered a simple 'Oh' before pressing his lips to mine.

"Hey! You two gonna work at all today?" Tig yelled from the other side of the SUV. We broke apart and smiled at each other before returning to the garage.

* * *

"I've been thinking." Chibs said as he stood over the Honda that he was changing the belt in. I swear, the things people pay us for amaze me.

"Oh yeah? That's never good." I replied over the oil I was changing in the next space. Once again, the things people actually pay us to do amaze me. "So what have you been thinking about?"

"Well, you know how before you left, we talked about getting a place together when you got back?" He put the finishing touches on the belt and walked over to me. "Don't you think we should get that taken care of?"

"Yeah. Oh hey, the place right across from Jax is for sale. I know neither of us really like those style houses, but maybe we could remodel after we got settled. You wanna go check it out? The current owners have gotten some help from the club before; maybe we could get a discount."

I was growing more excited by the minute, I had always dreamed of a place to call our own, and his house was just a little too small to be that place. I usually stayed with Jax, mom, or Chibs but was getting tired of being dependent on someone else for a roof over my head every night. It was time to make a fresh start for both of us, and the house across from Jax seemed like fate.

"Sounds good to me. Let's go." He started for his bike as I looked after him in surprise.

"Now? I'm sure we need to call or something first. I've never done this before but I'm sure if we want to actually go _in_ then we need to meet the realtor there or something."

He held his hand up to his ear in the shape of a phone. "Get callin then, I wanna see my new house."

_Jesus_, the man couldn't be patient for anything. But then again, neither could I. I ran into the office, pulled the phonebook off the filing cabinet, and started searching for the realtor's number. Luckily, she wasn't busy and was more than excited to show us the house immediately. Wow, that was fast.

* * *

The house had three bedrooms and two baths, a nice sized kitchen and living room, and a garage. Chibs and I talked it over and decided that if we got it, we would tear out the wall separating the master bedroom and the smaller one next to it, making one large area for not only a bedroom, but also a couple chairs and a T.V. Basically, a living room inside a bedroom.

I loved the idea of living so close to Jax, Tara, and Abel and it made me feel all the more comfortable about having a place of our own. Not that I was scared, but with all this stuff going on with Zobbel and Weston, it was a little nerve racking to think of being here alone at night when Chibs was busy with the club. At least living here, Tara and I would be alone together. Unless…I got what I wanted and I could become a prospect for the Sons. But since that was never going to happen, I might as well hang it up and stop wallowing in my old lady misery.

It had been a great week since I had been back, I was back in the swing of things in no time and some of the club drama had been kept to a minimum by my presence. The reason being, I was the only one who could_ truly _calm Jax down when he was upset. And the same went for him when I was upset. Something about knowing _exactly _how he felt, but still being able to stand back and look at it from Clay's perspective. Jax could do the same thing for himself, it just took longer for him to get to that point without me in his face telling him to calm the fuck down.

I had had my run-ins with Clay and Jax before, so I knew how to handle the situations, usually. For one thing, when Clay and Jax looked like they were about to tear each other apart, I would step in between them, put a hand on both of their chests or whichever one I was closest to, give Jax a calm down look and call him Jackie, and give Clay puppy dog eyes and call him daddy. I only called Clay daddy when I wanted him to stop and think, pay attention to me, or feel guilty. It worked every time. So far, nothing had blown up in our faces.

Chibs knew better not to ask what was going on between the two of them because if I hadn't told him yet, I wasn't going to tell him. The club had been torn apart enough already and telling Chibs would only make things worse. No one else could know until Jax figured out what he was going to do and maybe not even then. There would be time for taking sides later, right now, the club had enough to deal with. I didn't even want to think about what would happen if Opie knew the truth. Hopefully things would start moving along with Zobbel soon so we could get back to life as normally as possible.

* * *

"Hey!!! Come in, come in!!" I ushered Opie and Half Sack through the door of mine and Chibs new home. We had just closed the deal that morning and had gotten a great deal on it from the previous owners. We still planned on knocking down that one wall so mom suggested we get all the guys over to help, and we would have 90% of the work done in one day.

"Now that everybody's here, let's get to work, come on!!" The guys followed us back to the master bedroom where two big sledgehammers were waiting propped up against the wall.

"You sure you wanna do this? And taking a sledgehammer to the wall isn't the best way to go about this either." Juice asked from his position leaning against the opposite wall.

"Well yeah, why wouldn't I want to tear down some of my brand new house? And as for the hammers, it's funner this way." I joked as I picked up one of the hammers and handed it to Chibs, then took the other for myself.

"Ready love?" Chibs held the hammer back and waited till I nodded and did the same.

When I lifted it back Chibs started counting. "1…2…3!"

We both swung at the wall, and he left a slightly bigger hole than I did. We both stepped back then and I handed Gemma my hammer, while Chibs handed Clay his. They took their swing then handed the hammers to Jax and Tara. The line went through everybody there two by two and by the time we had gotten to the end, half the wall was missing. I took a couple more swings then gave it up and let the guys take the rest of it down while mom, Tara, and I went to the kitchen to get out of the way.

"You think they'll get it all done today?" Tara slid onto one of the kitchen table chairs while mom leaned against the counter and I hopped up on top of the counter itself. I was never one for chairs.

"Yeah, they should." I nodded at Tara. "All they have to do is knock it down, clean it up, sheetrock it and mud it. With all of them, it won't take long at all. Chibs said me and you could go pick out paint tomorrow and get started if we wanted to. I have no idea what color I want though."

"You're gonna repaint the whole room?"

"Yeah, and we've got to get primer, rollers, pans, brushes, a five in one…" I was ticking off the things we would need to complete the room with my fingers. "And then of course we need to get furniture. I want a new bed of course, Chibs is only a full, and I want at least a queen. Then we need a small couch for the bedroom, maybe a chair, and then there's the rest of the house. I don't know yet, I just have to look first. We need to go tomorrow and look around."

"Ok." Tara nodded and started listing off shops we could go to tomorrow.

* * *

"Hey Miss Ashalyn Teller!"

I inwardly smiled at the way Mrs. Reynolds, the owner of The Cake Place said my name. "Hey Mrs. Reynolds, it's good to see you again. How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been fine, same as always. How was your trip honey? How long have you been back? I _love_ your hair like that!" The elderly had always been so nice to my mom, Jax, and I and always greeted us as if we were VIP's in her shop. She not only sold full sized cakes but also made the best desserts in Charming. Things like red velvet cake, sweet potato, apple pie and cookies were always ready to buy by the slice or pound. Tara and I had decided to stop by to satisfy my sweet tooth before continuing our way down Main Street shopping for furniture for the house.

"Well, my trip was great, I'm glad to be back, and I haven't been back but a week or so, and thank you, mom's not crazy about the new color." She gave me a hilarious look that said she couldn't believe a word I said.

"A _week_! And you lasted that long without coming in for my red velvet cake! Well I don't believe it, and how could your momma not love your hair, it looks so good on you! I'll have to have a talk with her about that. It doesn't change a thing, you and Jax still look like two peas in a pod and it makes those gorgeous blues pop like the moon against a cloudless black sky!"

"Thank you Mrs. Reynolds, I appreciate that."

"So what are you two lovelies doing out today? A little shopping?" She glanced from me to Tara expectantly.

"Yes mam, we're furniture shopping."

"Furniture shopping for what?" She told a girl behind her who was as close to a waitress as you could get at The Cake Place to get two slices of red velvet for Tara and I.

"Me and Chibs got a place together."

Her face lit up at that. "Oh, you did? Finally. Where is this place? I'm so happy for you, so tell me, when are you and that boy gettin married? I think it's about time don't you?" She looked to Tara for her agreement.

Tara nodded and replied with an, "I think so."

"Oh, it's right across from Jax's house and well, he hasn't asked me yet, Mrs. Reynolds, I guess you'll have to ask him that."

"Well you just send him on by now, ya hear, and I'll have a little talk with him. Tell him if he doesn't come by, that I'll show up down at the shop next time that old car needs something done and I'll have a talk with him there. He won't want that now will he? Talkin about marriage with an old lady in front of all those macho motorcycle guys, it'll take a man's ego down a notch. You tell him that, and he'll come by here right quick won't he." There was no stopping her, when she made her mind up about something, she followed through. She would do what she said.

"Yes mam, I'll tell him." It's better to just agree with her. At that time, the waitress came back with our cake.

"Okay, I'll let you two enjoy your desserts, I got to get back in the kitchen now or this place'll start fallin down around us. I don't know what these people would do without me sometimes." She made her way into the kitchen as Tara and I dug into our cake. This cake, Mrs. Reynolds best creation ever, was something I missed like crazy while I was gone. It was like butter in your mouth, except I can't imagine that butter would taste near this good.

I noticed three men, sitting two tables away from us eating a variation of dessert. None of them were talking, but they were all eyeing each other carefully and every once in awhile, they're individual gazes would shift to Tara and I. _Oh, shit._

I didn't recognize them, so they had to be someone new to town. I knew they had heard every single word said between Mrs. Reynolds and I, and I wondered how much jeopardy I had put myself in. if these were Zobbel's men, then I had basically just sent up a giant flare asking for trouble. I had just told them who I was, how close I was to the club, and where I lived. If they thought raping the wife of the president would get some attention, and it hadn't, there was no telling what they'd plan for me. Talk about handing yourself over to the enemy.

I studied the men out of the corner of my eye as Tara and I talked and finished our cake. If they followed us out of the shop, we would go straight to clubhouse. If they didn't, we would continue shopping, but not for long. This watching your back every step you take for fear of getting gang raped was getting old. This mess with Zobbel needed to be taken care of, and soon.

Tara and I finished our shopping peacefully, the men hadn't followed us, but they had gone into Zobbel's cigar shop. Damn it. I had found a bed frame, and even a mattress. The guys were going to pick it all up later, I couldn't wait to get settled into the house.

I did need to tell Jax and Chibs about Zobbel's men, though.

* * *

"Hey, guys, I need to talk to you." I nodded for Jax and Chibs to follow me out into the parking lot of the club.

"Umm, Tara and I went to The Cake Place while we were out, and there were three men in there that I'm positive are Zobbel's. Mrs. Reynolds wanted to catch up with me…and we talked about some stuff that those men didn't really need to hear."

"What are you talking about. What did you say?" Jax cast me a worried glance.

"Nothing, other than who I am and where I live. They heard all of it, and seemed interested. I didn't know they were there until afterwards." Of course, Jax couldn't really understand the big deal because he didn't know Zobbel was targeting the women of the club.

"It's okay, just be careful and watch your back. They didn't hear anything that they wouldn't have heard sooner or later. It's not that big of a deal." Jax looked at me inquisitively then. "Is there something I need to know?" Damn it. When I could hide an elephant from everyone else, I could hardly hide a peanut in my pocket from Jax. He knew something was up, but knew me enough not to push it if I said so.

"No, every things fine. I just thought you ought to know." He gave me another look that told me he knew I wasn't being completely honest then walked away.

Chibs had been quiet through the whole exchange but spoke up now. "What is it love?"

"Nothing, baby. They just seemed really interested in what they heard." I wrapped my arms around Chibs and he returned the gesture.

"It's gonna be okay, love. They won't hurt you."

Oh how I hope he's right.


	8. Chapter 8

"Can someone please tell me where the beer is, that's all I want to know." Tig tromped around in my new kitchen as if he owned the place.

"There's some in the fridge, and more in that cooler over there. Calm down, there's plenty of it." This would be the first night Chibs and I would stay in the house. We had the bed set up and most of our belongings moved here. At least the necessary stuff. It wasn't hard for me because most of my stuff was still packed and was just across the street. Everything else was packed in boxes in either Jax's garage or mom's, but that wasn't stuff I needed on a daily basis, so it could stay where it was for the time being.

We were having a house warming party, and everybody was there. The whole club, Opie brought Lyla, even Piney and Chief Unser stopped by. It felt good to have my own place to entertain in, but I would be glad when the night was over and Chibs and I could christen our new bed.

"You excited?" Mom stepped up beside me at the kitchen counter where I was setting out the large red velvet cake I had gotten earlier. I couldn't have a party at my house without one of Mrs. Reynolds famous cakes.

"I don't think excited quite covers it. I can't believe I've gone this long without having a place of my own, it's about time dontcha think?" I ran a spoon along the icing at the bottom of the cake and ate the icing.

"Well at least you didn't use your fingers." She pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head sweetly. "I'm happy for you baby."

"Thanks, mom."

* * *

"Bye guys, be careful. See you tomorrow." I closed the front door on Tig, mom, and Clay and leaned against it. Chibs was in the hallway leaning against the living room doorway, smiling at me.

"Finally alone." He left his spot on the wall and walked towards me, holding out his right hand, asking for mine.

"Come on, let's go to bed." I placed my hand in his and we made the short walk to our brand new bedroom.

* * *

What the hell? I heard a noise coming from the living room. Chibs had gotten up to get something to drink, but he hadn't come back yet. I rolled over, my eyes searching for the alarm clock. 3:33 in the morning. I slid out of bed and crept silently over to the open bedroom door.

SHIT! There were people in my house! Not people I knew, that was for sure. I made my way back over to the bed and reached under my pillow for my 9mil. It was already loaded, and so was Chibs .45. We had silencers for both in the bedside table, and I had a feeling we would need them. I quickly but quietly screwed the silencers on the guns then went back to the bedroom door.

Shit! What was the best way to do this? There was no sense in worrying about coming out of the bedroom, there was just another corner blocking the view to the living room. I stood behind the cover of the wall, listening, trying to hear what was going on. Whatever it was, it didn't sound good. I slid down the wall a little and slowly poked my head around the corner. Luckily, it was pitch black dark where I stood, but the living room was lit with the moon.

There were three men in the living room besides Chibs, all of them wearing masks. Chibs was on his knees, and one man stood in front of him with a gun trained on his head. The other two stood on either side of the man, listening to their leader's conversation with Chibs. Whatever he had said to Chibs, I was too late to hear it. He shook his head in the general direction of the bedroom and the two men at his side started walking towards me. Shit! They definitely knew I was in the house.

"Stay where you are!" I yelled into the living room. The men stopped, thank God. I had a nice bead on the man with Chibs and the other two were far enough away that I could shoot their leader, and they wouldn't have enough time to stop me.

The man in front of Chibs spoke. "Sweetie, just calm down, were not going to hurt you. Much. As long as you do what we say, we won't hurt your little Scotsman here."

A scene of days gone by flashed before my eyes then. I could see as plainly as day the man holding that knife to Endo's throat. "As long as you do what I say, I won't have to hurt your little friend here."

Enough! I couldn't let him hurt someone else in my life.

I took the shot, and at the same time bounced farther back into the hallway so I would have protection from the other two men. I never took my eyes off them though, and as they aimed their guns towards the dark hallway, I shot them, too. Two through the chest each.

"Shit, love are you alright?!?" Chibs was frantic.

"I'm fine, but we might need new carpet in here." I stepped over the men's bodies and met Chibs in the middle of the living room. I took their guns from them, then gave Chibs his .45.

Chibs pulled the mask off one of the men that was still alive. "Who…the fuck…are you, to come into _my house_, and point a gun at _my head_, and threaten _my_ _woman_. Who do you work for?" Chibs asked, putting his gun to the man's head.

"Fuck you!" The man yelled out. Chibs didn't hesitate in pulling the trigger. Okay…I guess that's all we're getting out of him.

Chibs turned to the other guy to ask the same thing, but before he did he looked up at me. "Love, why don't you go in the kitchen and call Jackie on his cell."

"Chibs, baby, we don't have a phone in the kitchen. Stop trying to get rid of me." I knelt down then so that I was eye level with him. "I'm fine."

He looked like he wanted to argue but thought better of it, then turned his attention back to the man at the end of his gun.

"Who are you working for, hmm? Zobbel?" He spat out the man's name like it was poison. He. Was. Pissed.

I looked down at the wounded man. He was in pain for sure, and he would be dead within minutes.

"You won't fucking listen! We told you to stop selling to color, but you didn't get the message, so we had to come deliver another one. Figured maybe if we hit the boss's daughter this time, you'd actually listen. You mother fuckers are ruining America, you stupid mother-"

That was enough of that. I placed my gun to his head and pulled the trigger. Chibs looked up at me in shock. What was my kill count now? 5, 6? Did the one I had shot, but Chibs had finished count? It was getting easier, apparently. I had no remorse, and I knew I wasn't in shock. You threaten my family, and you'll have a bullet through your head as fast as I can pull the trigger. Simple as that.

"Shit. Shit." Chibs stood up and pulled me into his arms. I let him hold me for a second then pulled out of his embrace.

"We need to call Jax." I left Chibs standing there and walked to the bedroom to get my phone.

Jax picked up on the third ring. "Jax, you need to come over here. Don't turn any lights on and don't make any noise. Wake Tara up tell her the same thing and make sure she stays over there. She doesn't need to see this. Come to the back door and I'll let you in."

"What the hell happened?"

"Just get over here." I hung up the phone and walked back into the living room. Chibs had pulled the mask off the first man I had shot, the man that had had his gun to Chibs head.

"Damn it. These mother fuckers are _really _starting to piss me off." Chibs looked up at me with a sad expression. I knew what he was doing, he was waiting for me to fall apart. Well, he would be waiting a long time then, because that wasn't going to happen.

"I called Jax, he'll be here any second." I walked into the kitchen and stood by the back door to wait for Jax. Soon I heard his quiet movement outside the door.

"Hey, get in here." I opened the door and let Jax in.

"What is it? What's the matter?" He looked at me expectantly, but I was going to let him see this for himself.

"You'll see." I led the way to the living room and the gruesome mess that it held.

"Holy shit. What the fuck happened?" Jax looked around the room in shock as he spoke.

"Looks like blowing me up wasn't enough, they came for Ashlyn." Chibs told Jax from across the room.

"God damn it." Jax turned to me then, his face was angry but held a shade of sympathy for me. "Chibs'll walk you over to my house. You don't need to see this anymore than you already have."

"Any more than I already have? Jax, I did this. Trust me, there's nothing more to see." If he wanted me to go watch Tara, that was different, but I wasn't leaving just because there were three dead men in my living room.

"You did this? What do you mean, you did this?" From the light of the moon, I could see Jax's eyebrows inch high up his forehead.

"What does it sound like? I _shot_ them, Jax. I don't know what else there is to protect me from."

He looked at me as if I was crazy for a second then turned the same expression on Chibs.

"Fine. I'm going to put clothes on. I know you need to take care of this, and I know we can't leave Tara and Abel here unprotected while you do. We don't know if they had the same plan for her as well, we don't know if there are more of them sitting in a truck down the street, we need to be careful about this. I'll stay over there until you get back." I walked past Chibs and into our bedroom to throw on my jeans from the night before, why I hadn't done that when I was in here on the phone with Jax was beyond me. I stuck the pistol I was still carrying in the back of my jeans, then changed into a slightly baggy t-shirt to hide the bulge.

When I walked back through the living room, Chibs was explaining to Jax exactly what happened. I passed them both and headed straight for the back door.

"See you guys when you get back."

"Uhh, excuse me, one of us needs to walk you over there." Jax called after me as I walked to the door.

"Why? You didn't need an escort to come over here, what's the difference?"

Chibs let out a heavy sigh and shook his head. "I don't know what's gotten into her; she's been like this all night."

Jax just fixed me with an incredulous stare. "Don't do this with me tonight. Now is not the time to push for that."

Chibs shot us both confused glances.

"And why not, Jax? Why is this not the time?" I knew why, but I felt like pushing his buttons. I shouldn't be pushing the issue, but the adrenaline rush from the gun show was wearing off, and I was a little out of sorts.

"You know why. Zobbel could have more men out there, waiting. They came for you tonight, not me, not Chibs, _you_. Do not do this to me tonight. All you're doing is proving the opposite of what you want to prove. Do yourself a favor and start thinking straight. Drop the attitude." He was right; I was being stupid and only proving that I don't belong in the club by making rash decisions. I was immediately ashamed of myself. I was a fucking Teller for Christ's sake, I was smarter than that.

"You're right."

"Thank you. Now can we get this thing moving? These guys aren't gonna have any blood left if we keep standing around like this."

"Yeah, okay. Baby, will you walk me over there?" I shot Chibs a pleading glance.

"Yeah, let's go." Chibs walked to the back door and looked through the blinds to make sure all was clear. Then he opened the door slowly and stepped out, motioning for me to follow.

We quietly and alertly made our way around the house and started to cross the street. Chibs seemed absorbed in his thoughts, and I could tell he wanted to say something.

"You wanna tell me what all that was about?" As he spoke, he steadily surveyed the street and houses for anything out of the ordinary. I was doing the same.

I shook my head and sighed. "It's complicated baby."

"You think it's something you can't tell me?" He sounded hurt.

"It's just a long story, I promise I'll tell you when you and Jax get done cleaning up this mess. Okay?" We had made it to door by this point, and we both stopped in front of it. I looked at Chibs then, his face was sad and confused. Jesus, I _had_ to stop hurting this man.

He took my face in his hands and touched his nose to mine. "Okay." He looked up at me then with a worried expression. "Are you okay? What happened in there-"

"I'm okay baby. I promise. We'll talk later, okay?"

He looked so upset. His expression was breaking my heart. "Okay." He kissed me swiftly on the lips then opened the door a crack to let me slip inside the kitchen. "I love you."

"Love you too baby." I replied as he closed the door behind me.

"Jax?" Tara's voice sounded through the house.

"No, it's me."

"Oh thank God, you scared me." Tara rounded the corner into the kitchen with her hand held to her chest, her expression nervous. "What the hell is going on? Why can't I turn any lights on? Where's Jax?"

"What's going on is, somebody broke into my house and tried to hurt me, so we had to kill them, now the guys are getting rid of the bodies. You can't turn any lights on because we don't want any neighbors getting suspicious and telling the cops that we were all awake and something was going on when they get questioned." As I spoke, Tara slowly dropped her hand from her chest and the look on her face became incredulous. I knew I had overloaded her with information, but she'd get over it.

"Excuse me? You had to kill…what?!? Oh my God." She was flipping out, and that couldn't happen. Tara had never been able to fully deal with this kind of life.

"Tara, Tara, come here, sit down. Calm down." I led her to the kitchen table where we sat in the dark until she stopped babbling.

When she focused on me again, I began explaining. "Tara, they were Zobbel's men. One of them said that since we didn't listen to the first message, they were coming to deliver another. He said that maybe the club would pay attention this time if they hurt me. Chibs thinks he was talking about the van blowing up, but they were talking about mom. Tara, they were going to do the same thing to me or worse. We couldn't let that happen." That was twice now someone had attempted to rape me.

I could see Tara's sad and angry eyes find mine by the moonlight streaming in through the windows. "I'm sorry, I didn't think. It's just, there are men, dead men, in your house right now. That's a little hard to take in."

"I know, but every things okay now." I took her hand and gave her a small smile.

"Wait, do you think…could they come over here? Am…am I in danger? Abel?" She started babbling again.

"Tara…Tara, no we don't think so, but that's why I'm here."

She didn't look convinced. "And what are you going to do?"

I gave her my answer by pulling the gun from my back and placing it on the table.

She looked from the gun back to me then to the gun again. I could see she understood more than I had expected her too. She looked surprised for a second, then focused me with a look of deep sympathy and understanding. "I'm sorry you had to do that."

"It's okay baby, I'm used to it by now." She looked like she wanted to push the issue further, but I silenced her with a shake of my head.

* * *

Let me know if you like the story! I love the reviews, so keep them coming, good or bad.


	9. Chapter 9

Chibs and Jax still weren't back. I had spent the last two hours cuddled up with Tara on the couch. She had passed out an hour ago, but I couldn't have that luxury at the moment. Not only did I have to stay wake to protect Tara and Abel from the same kind of home invasion I had just experienced, I also had to think about what was going to happen over the next few days.

First and foremost, Chibs would want an explanation tonight, not only about my callousness when dealing with Zobbel's men, but the lack of emotional breakdown afterwards, and the confusing words shared with Jax even after that. It was a cowards way out to wish that Jax would fill him in a little on the words we had shared, but I couldn't help but think of how much easier it would be for Chibs to already know a little of the story. I would probably get my wish too, because I knew that Chibs wouldn't be able to not ask questions while they were gone. They would both want to talk about the slight distress I had just caused them, but neither knew the whole story. I would still have to explain to both of them, and probably the rest of the club, what happened in Japan. At first a scary thought, now that I had had the time to sit and mull over it, it didn't seem that bad at all. I didn't want the guys to look at me any different, but if they didn't, then there was no way they would take me seriously when it got out that I would like to prospect. They would need a reason for my behavior; I knew they wouldn't just let it go.

It was time to knuckle up and come clean. The truth will set you free after all.


	10. Chapter 10

It was time. I pulled into the parking lot and found a space. I had told Chibs and Jax everything last night, there was nothing they didn't know about Japan now. We had to tell the guys about last night though, and then I would have to tell them about Japan as well. Though there was still the fact that my mother doesn't want her story told, so that makes it kind of difficult for them to realize the real danger.

Chibs had been hard to tell. He always reacted so badly to anything that threatened to hurt me, and this time he hadn't been around to protect me. He was still pissed. He was mad at himself for letting me go, and a little mad at me for going. But that was just because he couldn't take it out on the real people he was mad at. I felt so bad for him, I didn't want him to know, for exactly this reason. He could at least find solace in the fact that I carried out justice myself. But it still upset him because I had to. The fact that I had to do something like that killed him.

"You ready?" Jax called from beside his bike. He and Chibs had pulled in at the same time as me. One riding in front, the other following my car.

"Yeah, go round everybody up." I called back as I walked towards him.

Chibs and I met each other halfway as Jax walked off towards the shop. He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him. "You okay?"

"Yeah baby, I'm fine. Just ready to get this over with." I huddled against him for strength and warmth. Even though it was a glorious 80 odd degrees outside, I still felt a chill that ran all the way to my bones. "I love you, Chibs."

"I love you too. Never forget that." He breathed against my hair.

Jax stopped back by us on his way into the club. "Okay, meeting in 20 minutes. We'll all go in, tell them about last night, and then you can explain why you're sitting in on the meeting. Are you okay? Still up for this?" He said as he gave me a sympathetic look.

"I have to be."

"Well, not technically. You don't _have _to tell them about Japan. But it would help."

"I know, and yes, I can't keep it to myself forever." I was going to tell them, how could I not? It might be hard now but in the long run it would make things easier. I might as well tell them now while I had a reason.

The meeting started off smoothly, everybody was there, except Piney, and Half Sack wasn't allowed in yet as he was still a prospect. Chibs and Jax told the guys about last night, I only popped in every once in awhile to fill in the blanks. The guys were not happy, but they would wait to talk retaliation until I wasn't in the room.

"So," Clay spoke to me from the head of the table. "Are we gonna hear why you're in here? There has to be a good reason."

I shifted in my seat beside Chibs. The guys had all shifted one seat down so that I could sit beside him.

"Well, umm," Chibs reached over and took my hand in his. "I, uhh, about last night, well, I handled it a little too well…"

"We can see that…why?" Bobby looked at me with curious eyes. I glanced around the table. They all held the same confused but sympathetic look on their face.

"Something happened. In Japan, I mean. I don't know where to begin, but I guess I'll just start somewhere. You guys know I had a guide with me, right? To take me through the countryside and keep me safe, that kind of thing."

Some nodded, but I kept my eyes trained on Bobby. His expression changed, I could tell what he was thinking, and it was echoed in Tig's words a second later. "What did he do to you?" Tig's voice held a touch of anger in it.

"Nothing, he protected me. But one night, we were sleeping, and the next thing I know, three men came up on us. Endo tried to fight them off, but one isn't a match against three, and he lost. They tied us up, moved us…they had us for awhile…I can't be sure, because one of them knocked me out, I was fighting back, and they didn't like that." Chibs' hand was tensing into a ball in mine. He had to work to keep it from crushing my hand. I absently started soothing him, rubbing his hand with mine, trying to take some of the tension away.

"When I woke up, it was daylight. Endo was talking to me, trying to wake me up. We were tied to one another; we couldn't move anything but our feet. They had our stuff, but hadn't gone through it. I think it was just the next morning. Two of the men left, I have no idea where they went, but awhile after they left, the other man came over and started messing with me." Chibs whole arm was tense now. The veins in his arm were popping out like ropes, I tried to calm him, but it barely worked. I chose not to look up at anyone, but kept my focus on Chibs arm.

"He didn't rape me…but he tried. Endo kicked the shit out of him first, and then they started tangling with all that MMA stuff. Endo could hold his own for a guy with only two legs, but it wasn't enough. The man got away and came back with a knife and slit Endo's throat. He hadn't forgotten about me, but he was too preoccupied with the damage Endo had done to him that getting in my pants was the last thing on his mind. He did drop a knife though, he didn't realize it. I guess it fell out of his shirt or pants. As soon as I realized it, I drug it up to me with my legs, and eventually got it back in my hands." I left out the part about how I had to sit tied to Endo for two days, crying over his body and swearing revenge on the man that did it and his friends. I felt guilty, also, because Endo had only been trying to protect me. Survivals guilt, I guess. Now I knew what it felt like.

"I got my chance two days later. The other men were still gone, but they were coming back. I tried to cut through my ropes, but I couldn't do it without attracting attention. I did it at night when the guy went to sleep, but it took me awhile. I got free the second night when he was still sleeping. I…cut his throat, and watched him die. I gathered mine and Endo's things and moved them a little ways from the camp. I buried Endo's body…" My voice trailed off as tears came to my eyes. He was my friend, and I had had to hand dig his grave. I picked a beautiful spot though. The view was amazing. Maybe one day I would go back to visit him and take some pictures. At the time though, my camera was the last thing on my mind.

"…and waited for the other two to get back. I had the nine millimeter, and plenty of ammo-"

Tig cut me off there. "Tell me why you weren't sleeping with it the night they got you. Hmm?"

"I was, but you only have so many options in a situation like that. I was in a sleeping bag, so I could either put in the bag with me, where no one could see it, but I couldn't get to it, or right beside me where they could have grabbed it first before I knew they were there, or under the sleeping bag under my head, which is where I had it. They came up and grabbed my arms first thing. I had no way to get to it. They found it though, eventually, so I had to pull it off the man that killed Endo, after I killed him."

I could see them visibly flinching each time I talked about me killing. I couldn't blame them, I said it so nonchalantly, and they weren't expecting that.

"So anyway, I waited for the other men to get back-"

"Why didn't you just leave?" it was Juice that spoke up this time.

"Are you kidding me? Leave and not get justice?" I fixed him with an incredulous stare. I knew why they would want me to leave. They wouldn't have wanted me to put myself in danger.

"I had to stay. Did you really expect me to let them get away with it? Was that how I was raised? No, if at all possible, you get revenge."

"Gang mentality isn't quite the same when you were out there by yourself, with nothing but a 9 mil and a Sons attitude. You could have gotten yourself killed." Bobby leaned forward and placed his hand on the table towards me.

"What would you have done?" I said as looked at Bobby. I glanced around at the rest of them, wanting them to understand. "What would _any _of you done? Don't sit there, thinking about how much danger I was in and that I should have ran when everyone in this room has always taught me otherwise."

"That's a little different, we always taught you to take care of your own battles when they consisted of girl fights at school. But when something actually dangerous happens…" Bobby trailed off as he realized where his statement was going. When something actually dangerous happens, you let the guys protect you. But this time, the guys were on a different continent. I had had to do it myself.

"Anyway, I waited for them to get back. It didn't take long, they found the maggots eating their friend and us gone. They freaked out, and I shot them. Both. Then I left and made my way back to civilization, I had to explain where Endo was and I had to go through a whole bunch of legal bullshit, but I was finally able to come home."

"Why didn't you call us, why didn't we know, someone should have come over there to help you." It was Tig that spoke up this time.

"Like any of the Sons need to leave Charming at the moment. Plus I didn't want anyone freaking out, and I couldn't have let one person know without everyone finding out. That would have just been added pressure on the Club. Everything's okay now. I'm home, I'm fine, I'm not in jail. It's all over." It wasn't over, not with the nightmares and then everything with Zobbel that was happening, but at least I was back in Charming, back with my family, and that meant a lot.

For the first time in a long time Clay spoke up. "Are you okay?"

I glanced up at my step-father, trying to hide the demons that swam in my eyes. I was as okay as I was going to be. Only time could heal a wound this deep. That I was this affected didn't mean that I was weak, it only meant that I was human. If any of the men sitting around me had had to go through what I went through- with someone they loved like a brother like I did Endo- they would be in as bad a shape as I was. Especially in a different country, with no allies that swore their allegiance to protecting yourself and your family.

I cleared my throat and responded as evenly as I was able. "Yes sir, I'm fine."

Clay nodded before speaking. "Well,' he said as he raised his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes, 'I'm sorry you had to deal with that…And I'm glad your back, and safe." He glanced around the table at his brothers. "We all are." A resounded murmur of yes's filled the air. "We'll talk later, but for now, down to business. I know it goes without saying, but I gotta say it anyway…last night…" Clay fixed me with an expression that I knew well as he left his sentence unfinished.

Understanding, I picked up where he left off. "Last night…Chibs and I spent a quiet night alone sleeping soundly in our new bedroom. By the way, a tempurpedic mattress is more than worth the money."

Clay nodded and almost smirked as a few strained giggles bubbled out from the men around me. They were shocked that I was so easy about the whole situation. What I had just told left them all on edge, and I knew my nonchalant attitude towards my experience in Japan pushed them even farther to the brink of amazement. None of them knew how to act around me now, which is why I didn't want to tell anybody in the first place. After they had time to think about it, though, they would see how normal I was since I had been home. That image would help them remember that I was still me, and that I was strong. I didn't need sympathetic eyes every time one of the guys looked at me. I needed them to treat me as they'd always treated me. I just hoped it could truly be the same as before.

"Well," I said as I released Chibs hand and stood from my borrowed chair. "A lady always knows when to make a graceful exit." I shared a look with Jax, then turned to Chibs to give him a reassuring smile that said both 'I'm fine' and 'Thank you.'

As I turned around to walk away Tig's hand grasped mine for a few short seconds while Chibs laid a loving hand on my back. I silently made my way out of the room, closing the door behind me. What I saw across the bar when I turned around stopped me dead in my tracks. My heart started pounding in my ears, my mouth went dry and my brain raced forward for the best solution to the situation I was presented with. My predator took a determined step closer as I tried to camouflage myself with the door behind me.

No weapon in the concealed compartments in the club or on my body would help me in this fight. Nor would any amount of diplomacy. I braced myself for the onslaught that was to come. There was only one way out of this, and it was forward. I took a deep breath and then a step towards my scowling mother.


	11. Chapter 11

Authors note: I just wanted to apologize for the lack of writing this story over the past several months. But really, if you knew what I've been going through, you would understand. I swear at times I've felt like I was really in SOA. Minus the hot guys on motorcycles selling arms, of course. It really has been killing me though that I haven't finished this story, since I firmly believe in finishing what I start. But I'm back at it now…only problem is, it's been so long since I've seen the show, that I'll probably leave some key elements out of the true SOA story line. As of picking this story back up now, I'm working with a sometimes forgetful memory. I have a few things that happened in the show that I was going to incorporate into the fic, so if I screw up timelines, you know why, and I'm really sorry for it. But, I am going to try my damndest to finish this story and stay as true to the show as I can. Just please be forgiving! Thank you all for reading and reviewing, it really is what keeps me writing into all hours of the night! Thanks!

"Oh baby. I am so sorry" My mother said as she pulled me into another protective embrace. We sat in the shops office as I recounted my tale of Japan to her.

She pulled away again looked into my eyes. "I knew there was something wrong with you. This whole time, you've had this on your chest. Everybody else just shrugged it off, but your momma knows when something's wrong with her baby. You can't hide from me. But baby, I still don't understand exactly why you were in the chapel, with the whole crew…there's more to this story. What are you not telling me?" My mother's eyes seemed to search deep into my soul. There was no hiding anything from my mother. At least not for long.

I sighed and looked down at my lap. "Mom, three of Zobbel's men broke into the house last night. They came for me." I looked deep into my mother's eyes. Willing her to understand the danger we were all in. I was all about giving her space to come to terms with what had happened, but if those motherfuckers went after Tara next, I would go ballistic. That girl didn't know how to protect herself like I did, and then there was Abel. Mom needed to think long and hard about the position she was putting everyone in. Whether or not it was the best idea to tell the guys yet or not, she needed to have all the pieces before she could put the puzzle together. It could get overwhelming, and I didn't want her to carry her burden alone.

Gemma's hand tensed under mine. "Mom…I…I want you to know, you don't have to carry this alone. I am here if you need to talk. I understand the risk, I know why you haven't said anything yet, but one day that might change, and thinking a decision like that though can be overwhelming. You don't have to do it alone."

Her tensed hand squeezed mine fiercely. "I know baby. I know."

I knew she wanted me to drop it, but I couldn't. I could see the internal struggle behind her eyes. "And I know what you're thinking right now. Don't beat yourself up over this, please."

She raised a hand to stop me, "Listen, sweetie-"

She stopped dead in her tracks as the guys came shuffling by the windows. I watched in silence as Chibs, Jax and Tig looked through the glass at us but passed by without stopping. The door opened then, and a tense Clay stepped in the room. He came over and perched on the desk in front my mom and I, reaching out for one my hands. I obliged, and while my mother still held my right hand in her left, she held out her right hand for Clay's left. I glanced at the family circle we had made, and felt almost as if we were about to give grace before a meal.

Clay looked dead at me, searching my face for any sign of helplessness. I knew he would find none. When he spoke, his voice was rough and he sounded exhausted, but I knew that was only the emotional side coming out in him. "I'm sorry. About Japan, about last night. I'm just glad you're safe now. And I just want you to know, we're gonna take care of this." He looked down at my hand in his and took a ragged breath. I knew he wasn't all that good at the comforting stuff, so I threw him a line.

"I'm okay. I'm just glad to be back. And last night…it could have been worse. Luckily, I had Chibs, and luckily, I know my way around in a life or death situation." Clay's hand tensed at my choice of words. I ignored it and continued. "I really am fine."

"Sweetie, this isn't something I really know how to deal with. I just can't imagine you having to end someone's life. Hell, you seem to be dealing with it better than me. I know you did what you had to do, it's what your mother would have done if faced with the same situation. It's what any of us would have done. And I know this may seem callous, but in this world we live in, I hope it makes some sorta sense to you…I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for handling yourself the way you did. Chibs said he couldn't believe the way you took out all three of them like you did and salvaged the situation with no casualties on our side. That takes guts, and it takes a lot of tactical analysis. Outnumbered like that, it could have gone very, very bad for the two of you. I just want you to know that I'm proud of the way you handled it." He stood up as he finished his sentence and held his arms out for an embrace. I walked into his arms, thankful for the praise. It may seem crude, but it did help me feel better to know that I did well in a stressful situation like last night. And Clay was right, last night could have gone so very badly for Chibs and I. When I really let myself think about it, I was overwhelmed by both pride that I did the right thing, and fear knowing that one thing could have gone wrong, and I could have lost Chibs forever.

I turned around and held my mother for a few heartfelt seconds before slipping out the door that lead to the garage. A few of the guys were working, but they were mostly just sitting around talking to each other in hushed tones. They all quieted as I closed the door behind me. I turned around to see several sets of curious eyes looking my way. The only set I was interested in though, belonged to Chibs. He sauntered over to me, lighting a cigarette as he came. I met him halfway and wrapped my arms tight around his waist. He placed a kiss on my forehead and hugged me back for a moment. "You did good."

"Thank you." Was all I said, choosing not to correct his grammar. I released him and made my way over to the guys. I sat down on one of the stools and brought my hand alongside Tig's, pulling the unlit cigarette out of his hand before it made it to his mouth. He let me have it without protest, and pulled another out for himself. Juice's hand loomed in front of my face holding a lit Zippo, and I leaned forward into the flame as I watched Tig out of the corner of my eye do the same. Juice pulled his hand back and snapped the lighter shut as he gave Tig an incredulous look.

"What?" Tig questioned as he tried to find his own lighter in his full pocket. "Do the ladies only get that privilege? I'm hurt, Juice." Tig placed a hand over his heart for effect.

"You're damn right they do." Juice replied with a lighthearted smile. "You can light your own shit."

I knew Jax wanted my attention, but I took a long drag off the cigarette before glancing up at him. He motioned with a flip of his head for me to follow him out of the shop. I walked close behind him, anxious to get some alone time with my brother. Once on the roof and out of earshot, I began.

"Thank you." That was all I needed to say for him to know that I was grateful for him talking to the guys.

"They just need to know you're the same person, and you don't want to be treated like a victim." Jax said on an exhale, smoke flowing from his mouth and nostrils.

My thank you also encompassed everything he had done for me last night, and he knew that.

"You wanna talk about it?" Jax leaned forward, settling his elbows on his knees.

"I don't know what else to say other than what I've already said." Jax knew more about me than any living soul. It would always be that way. There was nothing I could hide from him, so I didn't even try.

"Look, I know what you want. I don't know if it's possible, but I want _you_ to know that I haven't forgotten. Maybe…maybe when I'm president, things'll be different. I just don't know how to even broach a subject like that with the guys. Even with all these new developments about you. Give 'em some time to get used to the idea of you putting a bullet in someone's chest, then maybe they'll come around, but no guarantees." Jax finished, still staring out into the parking lot as if there was something out there to see.

"Jax, I don't know what else I could do to prove myself. They don't even consider it because they have no idea how I feel. They'll never get used to it if they don't know." I gave him a "you know it's true" look as he glanced back at me, imploring him to see reason.

"Don't you think you need to talk to Chibs about this first? That's a decision you two should make together, in my opinion."

My brows knit together as I mulled over his words. He was right, but at the same time, my feminist side kicked in, saying that it should be my choice and mine only, because I was a strong independent woman. But, I did share a life with someone now, and it should be something I had a heartfelt discussion with him about. I sighed as I thought about the long night I had ahead of me.

Jax's next words pulled me out of my reverie. "Is this really what you want? Make sure it is, because a decision like this would involve every SOA member out there, not just SAMCRO. You know that right?" He raised his eyebrows, letting them ask all the things his words didn't. Like how _big_ of a deal this was, and how much he might have to put on the line for me. All of these things are why the subject hadn't been pushed before. I knew what the club would go through for this…what Jax and Chibs would go through to fight for my rights. I knew the odds were so stacked against me, and that's why I had waited so long…but not now. Now I knew that I had to fight for what I deserved.

"It's what I want."


	12. Chapter 12

"Baby." Chibs and I stood in our new bathroom, preparing for bed. I propped myself up on the sink and waited for his answer.

"Yeah love?" Chibs waited on my response, but I didn't give him one, instead waiting in silence in my usual fashion until he knew something was wrong. He quickly took the cue and stopped in front of me, hands resting on my knees. I could still see the pain in his eyes from not being there to protect me in Japan. "What is it?" he asked again.

"I don't even know how to broach this subject with you. I know how you're going to feel about it, and I feel nervous talking about it with anyone other than Jax," I paused to catch my breath, trying to make the words coming out of my mouth make sense somehow. "I thought maybe I could just casually mention it, but I don't want to do that with you. You're the love of my life, and I've already kept so much from you, and this is eating me alive inside." I could feel his hands tensing on my knees, just waiting for the bomb to drop. Whatever he expected, what I was going to say wouldn't be it. _Okay, enough rambling Ace, just come out with it already…_

"Chibs, how…how would you f-feel, if, I, w-, umm."

Chibs placed a hand under my chin, pulling my face up, the strength of his expectant and worried eyes nearly forcing me to make eye contact. "Love, please, what is it? You can tell me. Whatever it is."

"I wanna prospect for SAMCRO." The words all came out in a rush. Chibs froze in place. His expression never changed, but I could hear the wheels in his head turning from confusion to understanding to relief then more utter confusion.

Eventually he dropped his hand from my chin and his expression changed to one of astonishment. "You _what_?"

I pressed my lips together to go along with a look that said 'I plead temporary insanity.'

"No, no, no, no, no. Don't give me that look. I heard what you said, and it sounded a lot like, 'I want to prospect.' Why in the hell would you want to do that? How does that even make sense? And yeah, I would think you're joking, but no, you're _you_, and I know you well enough to know that you mean it. "

I just sat and listened as he went off into his tantrum. The fear I had from exposing myself to him in those few moments before was leaving my mind, and being steadily replaced with the need to defend my case. Anger welled up inside me. If this was his way of talking me down from what I wanted, it was the opposite way of going about it. He was only strengthening my resolve on the matter, and he probably knew that was exactly what he was doing, but he just couldn't keep himself from pitching the fit he was having.

"Do you realize how dangerous a life this is?" Chibs asked through his teeth now that he had calmed down enough to let me get a word in edgewise.

"I have a defense for everything you say baby, but go ahead and talk it through, because I'm not the one that needs convincing. You are. Yes, I realize how dangerous it is. But you get to put yourself out there in that danger, why can't I?

For a second he didn't even see that the situation was the same. I could almost see the question pop across his forehead, _"How is it different?"_

"Be-because…" His next word never formed, but I knew what he was thinking. _Because you're a woman, because you're little and don't know how to handle yourself, because you're mine and I'm supposed to protect you, not feed you to the wolves…_The only reason he wasn't saying any of these aloud was because none of them were a proper argument and he knew it. It should make no difference that I'm a woman, and I_ do_ know how to handle myself, even if I am small. The last, well, that was his best defense, and it was going to be the hardest one for me to break through.

"Baby?"

"Yeah?" Chibs looked up at me with crazed eyes.

"Come here." I waited as he stood in front of me, then wrapped my arms and legs tight around his body. I knew this was a hard thing for him to process, and he needed all the help he could get.

"Just tell me why. Tell me where this is all coming from. Are you for real?" Chibs seemed to be calming himself down, he was ready for a real conversation on the matter now.

I took a quick breath before continuing. "Yes, I'm for real. And I'm _tired_ of sitting on the sidelines and watching people get what I want, what I deserve, but can't have because I'm a woman. I could do it, you know that. I'm not the normal woman, I don't let my emotions get in the way any more than you or any of the rest of the guys do. This is something I've wanted my entire life, I was made for this, but since I wasn't blessed with a set swinging between my legs, I'm told I can't have it. I personally don't think it should make a difference what gender I am. What matters is what's in here, and in here." I placed a hand over my heart, then pointed to my brain.

"This is something you've wanted your entire life? Why is it just now coming up? Because of last night? Because you got a taste of what it's like?" He fixed me with a solemn expression.

"No. Last night was just a fluke. I...look…when I was in Japan, before everything happened, Endo and I talked a lot. He knew what I wanted, and he encouraged me to go for it. He said it didn't make any sense that I wouldn't be allowed, which, of course, is something I knew, but… he just, kind of lit a fire underneath my ass on the whole thing. And then," I paused to catch my breath, the pain of what happened came rushing back. "Then everything happened, my friend _died_, right beside me. The fact that he's gone now, and the fact that he gave up his life protecting me so that I could go on in this life, and get what I really wanted…it lit even more of a fire under my ass."

Chibs looked up with a tormented expression in his eyes. He could see how badly I was hurting, and I knew it tore him up to see me like that.

"Chibs, I grew up in this life. It's all I've ever wanted. This club was my dad's life, it's so instilled in me, this love of SAMCRO...it's in my blood. And no matter how proud I was to see my brother join, it killed me to see that cut placed on his back, and know that I would never wear one. I know how much this club means to you...it means just as much to me. I'm tired of residing in the apostrophe club."

"The what?" Chibs said as his eyebrows drew together in question.

"The apostrophe club. You know, I am, Chib's old lady, Jax's sister, Clay's step-daughter, John Teller's daughter…I can keep going. No one defines you like that. You're a member, and you're defined by that. I'm not, and I'm defined by who in the club I'm connected too. There's something Endo said one night that defines where I'm at. He said, 'You can stand behind your family, but not beside them.' That's so true, Chibs, I can stand behind you and support you, hold you up, but I can't fight along beside you, and that kills me."

He looked down, his expression a sad one. Then he looked up and ran a hand through my black hair. "That's why you dyed your hair, isn't it? In remembrance of him."

"Yes. It seemed like the least I could do." I couldn't lie to Chibs. It might hurt him to hear the reason behind my new look, but hopefully he would understand. His expression said he did.

"It's okay. I understand, and it doesn't bother me. I can't imagine what you went through over there, and if this is all it takes to help you deal, then I'm grateful. I actually like the thought behind it." Chibs fixed me with an understanding expression.

I wrapped my arms around him, indebted to him for understanding. "Thank you baby." I sat back and looked at him, willing him to understand the rest of our conversation. "So you understand now, where all this is coming from? I love this club, and I want to be a part of it."

He sighed and seemed to search for the right words to say. "I do. I'm still uneasy about it, though. Let me sleep on it, and we'll talk about it in the morning, okay?"

Grateful, I laid a soft kiss on his lips. "Okay."


	13. Chapter 13

The night before had gone better than I expected. This morning over breakfast, Chibs had been even more understanding of my position. He didn't want me in the club for one reason, and that was because it was dangerous. But he loved me and wanted me to be happy, and knew it was selfish to keep me from what I wanted when in all reality, I had every right to it.

"I'm going to take a shower. Get Jax over here, will ya?" Chibs said as he placed a quick kiss on my forehead.

"Okay." As Chibs made his back to the bedroom, I picked up my cell and called Jax.

"Hey, how'd it go?" Jax said as he picked up the phone.

"Well. He wants to talk to you. He just got in the shower, though."

"Okay, I'll be over in a few." Jax said before hanging up the phone.

I started cleaning the kitchen up, and about halfway through, Jax knocked on the back door. I walked over to it and unlocked it to let him in.

"So, you still set on this?" Jax grabbed the last sausage biscuit off of the plate on the kitchen island.

"I sure am." I replied while setting more dishes in the sink.

"What'd Chibs say about all this? These are good by the way." He commented as he waved towards the biscuit in his hand.

"He's scared I'll get hurt. But other than that, he understands." Done cleaning for the moment, I leaned against the island facing Jax.

"As am I, but we can't keep you in a bubble like we'd like to. I know that, and the rest of the guys will understand that. It's not really them we have to worry about agreeing to this. It's Clay. Since the Sons have never seen anything like this before, there are no rules saying you can't join, or what it would take to let you join. As you know, a prospect usually only has to have the approval of the specific charter he's wanting to prospect for. But, Clay might see you in the club as a threat, as he already sees me, and he could try to make it to where every single Son's of Anarchy member out there has to give it the go ahead. That's worst case scenario." Jax went back to his biscuit as he finished speaking.

My stomach fell to my knees. It's not like I didn't suspect something like that from Clay, but hearing it aloud made me sick. There was no chance of me prospecting if it was up to every man out there that wore that patch. Some would be completely adamant against it, simply because they're chauvinist pigs. Some would think it was okay, simply because I was John Teller's daughter. But most would feel the way Clay told them to feel about the situation. My whole future hinged on Clay's decision. And there was no telling what he would decide. Jax was right by saying Clay may see me as a threat. He was already pushing for Jax's heads on a plate; he didn't need to be double teamed by the Teller twins. In all reality, I could threaten him with exposing Donna's death, but that wasn't a threat I would be willing to follow through with, because it would only hurt the club, and one of my best friends. It was best to play nice with him and see how it went.

Chibs walked into the kitchen, fully dressed. "Hey Jackie. So what are we gonna do about all this?" he said as he nodded at me.

"Give her what she wants. What else?" Jax said with a smile as he mischievously looked at me.

I just threw him back my most radiant smile and thought, _things are lookin up, Endo._


	14. Chapter 14

I decided I would go along with however Jax and Chibs wanted to handle the situation. Waiting for things to be set in motion was nerve racking. I had a knot in my stomach the size of a softball, and had to keep reminding myself not to pull my hair out. I headed for the club, eager for a drink to settle my nerves. After a few shots, I made my way back out to the garage. As I got close, I could see Jax talking to the members of the crew that were present. When I walked in, they all stopped and looked at me like I was crazy. Oh shit. Jax had set the wheels in motion. Suddenly, Piney, who was sitting a few feet away, got up and grunted something that sounded like 'it's about time'. He motioned at Jax and then me. "You two. Follow me."

I shared a confused look with Jax, but did as the old man said. I followed Piney as he made his way to his bike. He motioned us towards Jax's bike, prompting us to get on, then walked over to Chib's bike and pulled my helmet off one of the handlebars. I tried to read his face as he handed me the helmet. He looked like he was…smiling.

He got on his bike and cranked it up. "Follow me."

Jax swung his leg over his bike and waited for me to do the same. Piney's bike roared through the parking lot, and Jax followed. Before it was too late, I glanced back at the shop, searching for Chibs. Every eye met mine with a confused look. I found Chibs and shrugged my shoulders then blew him a quick kiss. We drove for a while without knowing where we were being led, but Jax and I came to the same realization at once. I could tell by the direction that we were going now that we were out of town. There was only one good reason to come this way. Jax's tense shoulders relaxed and I realized mine did the same. "Otto." We said simultaneously.

I gave Otto a warm hug. I felt considerably guilty, since this was the first time I had come to see him since I had been back. "I'm sorry I haven't been here before now. I'm not going to make any excuses, I should have been here."

"It's okay sweetheart, I understand. You're going through a lot right now." Otto smiled as he took his seat.

"Well, thank you. But that doesn't make me feel any less guilty. You're goin through shit too." For a second, I had forgotten about Piney.

That was until he spoke. "Otto, our girl here has something to say that you might want to hear." Piney looked at me and nodded while Otto waited expectantly.

"Umm." I hesitated and glanced at Jax. He just smiled and nodded as well. "Otto, I was thinking maybe, it wouldn't be such a bad idea if I was allowed to prospect for SAMCRO."

Otto grinned, then that grin turned into a full-blown smile, then a laugh. "Your dad knew this would happen one day."

In my head, my chin dropped to the floor, as did Jax's. At least, I think I didn't imagine it. It was weird, that twin thing, knowing what the other was thinking or feeling sometimes could become confusing. You didn't always know if you were really inside their head, or if you just knew them so well that you imagined that was what they were thinking.

"He did what?" I asked, drawing myself up closer to the table. Jax really did do the same this time.

Otto smiled and went into story telling mode. "You remember that time, the two of you were teenagers…and there was a guy that was messin with you, and he showed up at the garage one day while Jax and your dad were gone. You laid into him, and none of us knew why. And a few minutes after he ran out of there with his head tucked between his legs, Jax came barreling back into the parking lot, mad as hell, with your dad in tow, who had no idea what was going other than it must be something to do with you since Jax had just freaked out all of a sudden and took off like a bat outta hell. Anyway, Jax was ready to go find the guy and finish him off for, as we soon found out, trying to rape you. You and Jax were the only people who knew their heads from their asses at the time cause of that weird twin thing, so your dad got everybody to step back and let you talk to Jax and get him settled down like you were trying to do. Jax didn't want to listen, he wanted to go kill the guy right on main street if he had to. He was gonna go off, half cocked, without having a plan. And you told him no, he needed to think about what he was doing. You said that that guy was probably in the ER right then, and would be there for awhile. And that deputies would also be there since it was an obvious assault. If the guy told the cops about what happened, they would be headed over soon, and Jax needed to be there, instead of out assaulting someone that the cops would know he had a problem with."

Otto paused to take a breath. I had forgotten about the first guy that had tried to rape me. That made three times now. What was it about me? I had dated this guy Jason for a short time, and one night while we were out, things went a little farther than I was comfortable with. I told him to quit, but he started saying things like if I loved him I would let him, and that I had started it, now I had to finish it. I never felt worried with the guy, I knew I could take him, so I didn't send up any red flags. He kept on though, and eventually got forceful with me. Next thing I know, Opie's pulling me out of the back of the guys truck, and threatening him within an inch of his life. Jax had been nowhere in sight, so he didn't know anything about it until a few days later, when Jason came to the shop, smarting off about how I couldn't fight my own battles, and one day he'd see me without the boys around. Why his dumbass came to the_ clubhouse_ to say all that was beyond me. But I, never one to let someone tell me I can't handle myself…well, in short, I beat the hell out of him. The emotion and adrenaline rush I felt while kicking his ass had been absent the night he tried to get in my pants. Jax and I get in each other's heads easily when one of us is really emotional. He saw enough to know why I was pounding on the guy, and my anger had only made his that much stronger.

I felt Jax tensing up beside me, not only because of the memory of another guy who had tried to hurt me, but also because of the way he had acted that day. He had been foolish and reckless, blinded by rage. If I had let him leave, he would still be in prison. I knew that thought seriously affected him. He reached under the table and squeezed my hand in a gesture of appreciation, but didn't let go.

"That way,' Otto continued, 'everyone would have been accounted for when the cops showed up, and you didn't really want Jax going after him anyway. You figured you'd done enough damage to his head as it was. If something else needed to be done, then it needed to be talked through, with the whole club, since he wasn't the only one that wore that patch, and he represented everyone in the club, not just himself. He could have done a lot of damage to the club that day if he had done it his way. Your dad just stood back with me, Piney, Clay and your mom and calmly said, "That's gonna be the first female member of the club, right there." And he nodded at you. Clay didn't take it too seriously, and I don't know how Piney took it at the time, but I knew. I saw the same thing in you as your dad did. A strong heart, a brilliant mind, and a perfect addition to the club. The way you protected the club, putting it before your own vendetta, is something you don't see often. You proved yourself that day. He knew then, by the way you talked about the club like it was your own flesh and blood, like your own child, that you deserved a spot, just as much, or more, than any man. And that one day, you would be exactly what this club needed. Your dad saw the direction the club was heading, and he knew that one day, you would be able to help set it right. Both of you." Otto said as he nodded at Jax and I.

Otto picked back up again. "And it's fitting, that you're going after this now, when the club is being torn apart from the inside out. It seems like bad timing, but really, it's perfect timing. I wondered when you'd buck up and push for this."

I looked at Jax. "Did you know about this?" I knew the answer but I had to ask anyway.

"No. I had no idea. But dad was right. You _do_ deserve this, and if the rest of the guys, or Clay can't see that, then they don't deserve their spot in the club." Jax's expression was growing evermore determined.

Piney stood up. "Alright Otto. I'll see you soon. Come on boy." He nodded for Jax to follow him out.

"Thank you, Piney." Otto said as they walked away.

Otto reached across the table for my hands. "Kid. I know you can do this. If anybody can, you can. I'm proud of you, and know that your dad would be _so_ proud of you right now. He wanted this for you, and Clay knows that. He may not want to admit it, but he's known all along."

I felt tears well up in my eyes and I squeezed Otto's hands in reaction to the emotion. I had had no idea that my dad would actually allow me to be a part of the club. He had always encouraged me to be as involved in the club as I thought I could be. He loved the club, and wanted me to marry into it if that's what I wanted, and have kids that would join the club and leave a Teller legacy. He never said anything about me specifically joining the club though…

"Otto, why didn't he tell me any of this? If that's what he wanted for me, then why wasn't he pushing for it all along?"

"He didn't know until that day that it might even be something you wanted. Even then, he knew it was something you needed come to on your own terms. He knew you would speak up when the time was right. He didn't want to get you all hyped up for something that you weren't completely ready for." Otto held up a hand when I started to cut him off. "Yes, if you were any other guy, you would have been ready then, but more is going to be required out of you because you're a woman, it's going to be harder for you, no matter what. Only you could know when you were ready, and now, that time has come. Piney's gonna take you to by my house next, there's something there you need to see there. You'll know what to do when you get there. When everything's said and done, come see me, I want to find out from you what happens."

Slightly confused about what was at Otto's house, but going with it anyway, I squeezed Otto's hands once again then let them go, getting up to give him a goodbye hug. "Thank you Otto, you have no idea what this means to me. Hell, just having your support means the world to me."

"You're welcome, and if it ever gets hard to handle, and you need some advice, you know where I'm at." Otto smiled as I stepped back from our hug.

"I'll be back soon, no matter what. See you later." Otto, having been so close to my father and our family, knew that 'see you later' meant a lot more than what it sounded like. For one thing, my dad never liked telling my mom, me or Jax, 'goodbye,' he always said it sounded too final. Another meaning for 'see you later' in our family was 'I love you.' When dad felt all macho around the guys, and didn't feel like saying, 'love you' he would just tell us he'd see us later, and we knew what he meant. Otto would hopefully remember and catch the double meaning in my choice of words.

I headed outside and found Jax and Piney next to their bikes. "Otto said next stop is his house."

Piney nodded and climbed on his bike while Jax and I did the same and soon we were on our way. I took my time during the drive to reflect on what I had just learned. Dad _wanted_ me to be in the club? It felt good to learn that bit of information. Well, it wasn't exactly a _bit,_ to me, it was _huge. _For the first time in a long time, everything felt right in the world. I forgot about all the club troubles and just basked in the joy of the moment. For the first time ever, I felt like nothing could stop me from being SAMCRO. Didn't what the founding father, _my father_, feel about the situation bear a lot of weight? It definitely should. I couldn't wait to tell Chibs of my revelation, I wasn't sure what he'd think, or what any of the guys would think, but I still couldn't wait to tell them.

Jax slowed as we neared Otto's. Piney pulled in the yard and parked. Jax and I followed Piney out back to Otto's old garage, where he pulled out a key and opened the door before looking back at me. "Come on, you're gonna like this."

I followed him inside, my eyes adjusting to the light. I glanced around, seeing the familiar set up of tools, motorcycle parts, and plastic ashtrays. In the middle of the room were two motorcycles, both covered. Piney walked over to one and leaned down, pulling up the cover a short way to peek at the bike underneath. "Oh, that's Otto's."

My heart skipped a beat. A motorcycle? For me? That was what Otto said was waiting at his house for me? My legs almost gave out. Even though I didn't falter an inch, Jax's hand almost involuntarily shout out towards me, ready to catch me if I fell. He was good at sensing my emotions. Piney walked over to the other bike and raised the cover, pulling it completely off. My legs _really_ almost gave out then. It was the prettiest bike I had ever seen. It was a '96 Harley-Davidson Dyna Wide Glide, shiny black and chrome all over, all except the eye-popping cherry red fuel tank and a few other red touches, like in the wheels, to keep the color balanced.

"It was your dad's at one time. It's a great bike, always was. She needed a little work, but Otto fixed her up for you a long time ago. He repainted her, to what he thought would be your liking." Piney stepped back so I could get a closer look at the bike.

The bike felt familiar, but if it hadn't been sitting in front of me I wouldn't have remembered it. There was an amazing hand drawn club reaper on the fuel tank, obvious in black against the glossy red background. If you bent down eye level with the bike, you could see the name Teller, written in a beautiful cursive hand, right underneath the reaper. My heart swelled so big I thought it would burst. A single tear slipped down my cheek as I ran a finger across my name on the bike. Jax crouched down beside me to see what had me all choked up. As soon as he saw it, he put a comforting hand over my shoulders. "Come here." He said.

We both stood up and fell into each other's arms. "I can't believe this is actually happening, Jax. This is too perfect, all of it. And who knew? Not us, that's for sure. Oh God I can't believe all of this. I never imagined…"

I could hear the laughter in his voice as he replied. "Well, it is happening, your dream is coming true, finally. And I hate to burst your bubble, but there's still at least one more hurdle we have to get through. But, you have every right to celebrate right now. So go for it."

"Well thank you for your permission, Obi Wan." But I did jump up and down a little and squeal a bit, just a small bit, letting the girl come out in me. "Oh my God I can't believe this is my bike!" I ran over to Piney and hugged him fiercely. "Thank you Piney."

"For what? I didn't do it." But he laughed as he said it.

I was so overwhelmed with emotion. My dad, Otto, and Piney had been conspiring behind my back all this time. "But you knew about it, and you took me to see Otto, which means, in short, that you support me."

"Well yes, all that's true. I do support you, and I want to talk to you about that, both of you." Piney leaned against the drawers that went all along the left wall.

I abandoned my bike for a second, knowing that I needed to show Piney full respect while he spoke. He looked at me with sad and tired eyes. "I'm assuming you know?"

I dropped my eyes to the ground before answering. He was talking about Donna. I nodded. "I know."

He took a deep breath before continuing. "I think you could do a lot of good for this club. Clay has got to go. I don't care how. And I'm sure, with the two of you, you can figure something out that's easiest on the club. I don't care too much anymore about what hurts it and what doesn't, but I know you do. And Jax, I know you're worried about protecting Opie right now, but you need to figure something out. Soon."

Jax let his irritation color his voice. "Give me time, Piney. I told you, it's going to take_ time. _I can't rush this right now."

"I'm just sayin-"

Jax cut Piney off before he could finish his sentence. "Can we please not talk about this in front of the prospect, huh?" He was just trying to change the subject.

Piney let out an odd laugh. "The prospect, haha, that's a good one Jax, way to dodge a conversation you don't want to have. And don't ever make the mistake of fooling yourself into believing that everybody's gonna look at her like a normal prospect."

"No, way to dodge a conversation you've _had before_." Jax sighed and hooked his thumbs in his front pockets. "Look, Piney, I appreciate all of this, taking us to see Otto, coming out here…I know you want justice. I know Clay needs to be replaced, but we've had this conversation before, and I know it sounds selfish, but today is a really big day for Ace, and I would appreciate it if we could leave all the gloom and doom out of it. For her."

Piney looked incredulous. "Jax, are you forgetting what this is all about? She wants to be a part of the _club_. That means she's gonna have to deal with shit she doesn't want to deal with at the worst possible time. Call it initiation. Whatever." Piney turned around and opened the drawer he had been leaning against. He reached all the way to the back and rummaged around for a while before pulling out a metal lock box and then his keys. He unlocked and opened the box and pulled out a set of keys before closing and relocking the box, then hiding it at the back of the drawer again. He turned around and threw me the keys before turning and walking out of the shop. "She's all yours. Good luck."

Jax and I shared a look as Piney headed for the door. I watched him go around the front of the house, and when I heard his bike roar to life, I turned around and sighed as I touched one of the handlebars of my new bike. _My bike._ I swung my leg over the bike and settled in. It was perfect. Beyond perfect. Jax just stood there and let me enjoy the moment. I had never had my own bike, as bikes were pretty much special privileges for members only. But I had always loved them. I remember always helping dad work on his. When I was a kid, I couldn't wait to grow up and get my own. However, as I grew older I quickly came to the realization that I would never get my own bike. Until now, that was. I got off the bike, pulled the kickstand up, and began walking it out of the garage. When I was completely outside, Jax locked the door then pushed it shut. I got on the bike, anxious to crank her up.

She purred to life like a house cat that hadn't gotten any attention in awhile. I looked up at Jax, who was standing in front of me now, smiling. I just smiled back from ear to ear, not believing that I had my own bike. Even if Clay didn't let me prospect, this was still my bike, and at the least, my new way to work every morning. "Come on. I wanna get back to the clubhouse."

Jax laughed as he replied, "No. You just wanna ride it."

I just smiled and rode the bike into the front yard, pausing by Jax's bike to get my helmet. Once Jax was on his bike and pulling out of the yard, I followed, anxious to put some miles on my new baby.

Once out on the road, I felt like nothing could stop me. The wind whipping around my body felt more like a hug from God. The road in front of me more like the streets of gold in heaven.


	15. Chapter 15

Authors Note: Can anyone help me? I try to separate what happens in my chapters with lines and spaces in Microsoft word, but when it goes on fanfic it's all bunched up. I've noticed other authors who have breaks in their stories with lines, or things will be spaced out differently, and I'm just wondering what I'm doing wrong? I'm going to start just using letters to space it out until I can figure something else out, and I'm sorry for the previous distracting bunching up of words.

Hope you're all enjoying how the story is developing so far! Thank you all for the reviews.

Shortly after leaving Otto's, Jax fell back and let me take the lead. He was giving me a chance to go where I wanted in case I didn't want to go straight back to the club house. I thought about stopping by the graveyard and seeing dad, but I was never much for that type of thing. My dad wasn't in his body anymore, and if I wanted to talk to him I could do it just as easily in my own head.

Clay would know my intentions when I came back to the club with this bike. I couldn't wait to see the look on his face. I wasn't sure yet how he would feel, I just had to wait and see.

Being in the club had a lot of implications. It wasn't as easy as it sounded. Being a member, especially a prospect trying to prove themselves, meant that I had to protect the other members with my life if necessary. It also meant that I would have to do things for the good of the club that constantly put me in danger. If, or when, the occasion arose, I would have to kill for the club. I might even have to go to jail for the club one day. Which meant that if I did, being the only one of my kind, I wouldn't have any allies there to protect me on the inside. But at the same time, being the only one my kind went both ways. When the guys went to prison, they had both allies and enemies already there, simply because of who they were associated with. Since there are no women in the club, I would have no allies, and since there were no women in other clubs, I wouldn't have outright enemies. I would still be in danger though, if a wife of an enemy of the club was in the same prison I was, her husband could use her against me. If I ever got sent to prison, I would have to start building allies immediately and practically from the ground up. But hopefully none of that would ever come to pass. Hopefully I wouldn't ever have to find out. But if it did, I would gladly put myself out there for the club.

I pulled into the parking lot and drove right up to the club doors, where Juice, Chibs, Half-Sack and Opie sat. I watched Jax pass me and park his bike on the long row. I looked for Piney's bike, but it was nowhere in sight. All of the guys got up and wandered over to me with shocked expressions.

"Where the hell did you get this?" Juice asked as he surveyed the bike.

Just then, Clay, Bobby, and Tig walked out of the bar. I chose my answer carefully, fully aware of who was listening. I wanted the biggest impact on Clay as possible. "It was my dad's. Uncle Otto fixed her up for me." I looked at Clay as I said it.

"For you? Why?" Juice still didn't seem to be getting it, even after Jax telling him all about me wanting to prospect earlier today. I knew it would have gotten back to Clay by now.

Clay walked through the guys that were studying my bike. "She's a beauty." He leaned down to get a look at the reaper where I knew he would see the name Teller under it.

I stood back, letting everyone in for a look. Jax walked up behind me as Chibs did the same. Chibs placed a peck on my cheek and laid a hand around my waist. Clay turned around to look at me, and I inwardly smiled at the image he would see. My support group, standing to the left and right behind me, both with determined looks on their faces.

Clay glanced up at Jax and then shot a look at Chibs before settling his eyes back on me. "You're sure this is what you want?"

I took a deep breath and nodded before I answered. All eyes turned to me, awaiting my answer. "I'm sure."


	16. Chapter 16

"Giving him time to think about it could come back to bite you in the ass." Opie said as he relaxed in the patio chair on my back porch.

"I know. It's not like I really have a choice though. You all need time to think about it." I replied on an exhale, blowing smoke from my nostrils.

"I don't." Opie shot back. "I know you can do it. Maybe you're exactly what this club needs. Maybe you can do some good from the inside about the way Clay and Jax have been lately."

It made me sick to hear Opie talking about something he knew nothing about. He talked so casually about something that, if he knew the truth, would tear him apart. He had no idea that he was talking about himself. "Maybe."

"I'm serious Ace, you need to do something about Jax. I know he has issues he needs to work out, but he can't keep tearing the club apart like this."

"Opie-"

Just then, Jax and Chibs came out the back door, both holding two beers each. Jax handed one to me while Chibs handed the other to Opie.

"You find the bug spray?" I asked Chibs before taking another drag.

"Yeah. Right here." He pulled a blue spray bottle with an orange cap out of his pocket and handed it to me.

"So." Jax said, lighting a cigarette. "Opie, what do you think Clay's gonna do tomorrow?"

"I think he'll do what's right. He might not, I may be wrong, but I don't think so. She deserves this, and I'm surprised it's taken this long to come up." Opie finished and took a long swig of his beer.

"Thank you Opie." I said as I finished covering my arms in bug spray. I didn't know what it was, but mosquitoes ate me up when they wouldn't even touch Chibs. I picked my legs up, placing them across Chibs lap. He ran a hand up one of my pants legs and began soothingly rubbing my leg back and forth. I think the action was more to sooth himself than me. Of course, he had been more touchy feely since I had been back. Before I left, he didn't feel the need to be touching me practically at all times. Now it was as if he thought I was going to disappear any second.

"You're welcome." Opie said as he stood up. "I gotta get back to the house. Lyla's there with the kids. Thanks for the beer." Opie walked around the table to me, and leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on the top of my head. "Hmm. Guess I'll have to stop that once you're a prospect. See you tomorrow."

"Bye Ope." I called as he walked away.

All three of us waited until we heard his bike crank up and speed off.

Chibs sighed and moved my legs off his lap before standing up. "I gotta take a shower. Get this grime and grease off me before I get in the bed." He looked at me before continuing. "You don't have that problem because _you_ didn't work today. You either Jackie boy." He bent down and sweetly kissed my lips before standing up and shaking his hair out of his eyes like he does so often. "Love you."

"You too." I replied as I watched Jax's eyes followed Chibs as he walked behind me to the back door.

A few seconds after the door shut Jax looked back at me. "So, here's what I think is going to happen. Clay isn't gonna want you in the club because of the threat you pose to him, but, no one's going to really understand that except us and Tig. It's not like he can explain to everybody else why he doesn't want you in the club. If he wants to keep up appearances, and save him a lot of questions he can't answer, he has to go along with this."

"Jax, if we get me in, what are we gonna do once I'm there? We keep talking about how big of a threat the two of us would be, but really, what are we gonna do?"

"I don't know yet, Ace. But we'll figure it out, okay? Just don't think about that right now, you've got enough on your mind as it is. There's so much shit going on in the club right now. Clay's got his hands full with more than me and you. He wants Caracara gone, Zobbel stole the Irish from us, he's fighting everything _I _do tooth and nail. One day, he's gonna crumble, or snap, and we're gonna be there to pick up the pieces. I don't know what we're gonna do…divide and conquer? We have to be careful doing that, because we may end up outnumbered. I don't know who all would come to our side."

"You, me, and Chibs for sure. Right now, Opie will probably go for Clay, but he'll come to us if he ever figures out what happened. We've got Piney, but he's not much use anymore, I don't know about Bobby, and I might be able to get Juice. We both know where Tig would go. We'd have Otto, but he's locked up."

Jax sighed and closed his eyes for a brief second. "Actually, I'm not sure where Otto would go right now. I got LuAnne killed. It would be hard for me to follow someone who got Tara killed."

"Jax, you can't think like that. Any member of the club would have done the_ exact_ same thing. Hell, _Otto _would have done the same thing if he were out." I placed my hand on top of Jax's.

"Yeah, you're right. Doesn't really help with the guilt all that much though." Jax got up leaned over to kiss me on the forehead. "Hell of a day wasn't it?"

"You could say that." I replied with a smile.

"Night."

"Night."

I got up and made my way into the house, toting in the empty beer bottles as I went to throw them away. When I got back to the bedroom Chibs was in the bathroom toweling off. I started stripping, ready for bed after the eventful day I had.

"You lock up?" Chibs asked as he threw his towel over the shower rod to dry.

"Yeah. Come here sexy." Seeing the sight of him naked did crazy things to my body. Hell, seeing him clothed did crazy things to my body.

He laughed, walking over to the door and turning the light off before he climbed into bed. I curled up into him, half of me wanting to have sex until my body gave out, the other half just wanting to cuddle with him. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and nuzzled his face into my hair. "I can't believe Otto, fixing that bike up for you. You think your dad asked him to do it? Or knew about it?"

"I don't know. There's no telling really. I guess I'll have to ask Otto tomorrow when I go back." My stomach did a flip as I thought about the visit with Otto. One way or the other, a decision will have been made at that time. It was crazy to think that after all this trouble, this time tomorrow I would have my answer. I could really be a prospect tomorrow…my heart started racing at the thought.

"Why are you going back?" Chibs asked nonchalantly.

"Because Otto did this for me, he believes in me and always has, and because he asked me to come back after everything was said and done. And because I've always gone to Otto for advice. I sought advice from Otto before dad died, and I really relied on him after he died. Otto's more of a father figure to me than Clay is, even though he's younger. I can't wait until he gets out of that awful place." I really missed seeing Otto on a daily basis.

"Makes sense. And I can't blame you, after him doing all that work on that bike. He seriously put some time and money into that thing."

"Do you wanna ride with me tomorrow? When I go?" I sighed, almost asleep. I was more tired than I thought.

"Of course. I haven't really gotten to ride with you yet, except on the way home today. It's kinda sad, though. Now you have your own bike, I'm gonna miss you being on the back of mine." Chibs kissed me on the forehead. "Night love."

"Night." I drifted off into sleep, only half-aware of Chibs' sinewy arms wrapped around me. I remembered the first time I rode with Chibs. We were in that flirty stage, where we weren't quite together yet but then again we were. He had invited me out riding one day after work, and unbeknownst to me, he had packed a blanket and some food on his bike. We took off out of the parking lot, ignoring the jokes and giggles coming from everyone watching. We ended up under several beautiful oak trees, sitting right beside an old field that had once held cows. Our meal went beautifully until I had to duck away behind a tree to relieve myself of all the soda I'd had, and found a four foot rattlesnake staring at me as I finished my business. I screamed and ran back to Chibs, thankful I hadn't noticed the snake in midstream for fear of the mess I would have made. I could look a man with a gun straight in the eye and not feel as much fear as I did when faced with a snake. Chibs shot the snake, and he held me as we sat and watched the headless creature squirm over and under until it's nerves finally quit twitching. Somehow, I had still felt safe enough under those trees to make love to Chibs for the first time. It must have been his presence, because in any normal circumstance, I would have wanted to leave that bloody field immediately. I remember his strong arms wrapping around me, his soft lips touching mine, his tongue sending fire all the way down to my middle…his package stretching tight in his pants, and the absolute uncontrollable need I had to get him out of those blue jeans and inside of me. In that moment, nothing had ever felt so right. He took me back out to that field several months later to make our relationship even more committed.

"What is this?" I asked, looking at the beautiful ring he held in his hands. It was a silver ring, that I found out much later to be white gold, with small hands holding a heart with a beautiful tiny crown resting on top.

"It's a claddagh ring, originally from Ireland, but it's just as popular in Scotland. You can wear this in a myriad of ways, and each one means something different. On your right hand, which is where you'll be wearing it, for now, if you point the tip of the heart out, that means you're single. And if you turn it around, and point the tip of the heart towards your heart, then that means you're taken, or, more importantly that your heart is taken." He said as he slid the ring on my finger with the tip of the heart pointing outwards. "It's yours; you decide how you want to wear it."

I looked intently at the ring on my middle finger and thought about the gesture he was making. Yes, he did have my heart, there was no doubt about it. I had never loved any man before Chibs. I had thought I had, but once I had fallen for this beautiful man in front of me, I realized that I had never felt this way before, and that I would never feel this way about anyone else. Ever. I slowly pulled the ring off my hand and turned it around to where the heart pointed inwards. I looked up at Chibs shining face and said, "I love you."

He wrapped me up into his warm embrace and his voice almost shook with relief. "I love you too."

After we had made love in our special spot, we laid in each other's arms, cuddling and staring up at the sun shining through the oak branches, when I remembered something Chibs had said when he was explaining the ring to me. "Baby, when you were talking about my ring, you said it would be on my right hand, 'for now.' What does that mean?"

"Well, you move it to your left hand when you're engaged, heart out, and when you're married, left hand, heart in."

"Oh." My initial understanding gave way to surprise as I remembered his words, "right hand…_for now_," and the way he had made eye contact and emphasized those two words. "Oh."

He just hugged me tighter, and we eventually fell asleep, until his phone rang, jolting me out of my dream. I soon realized it wasn't the phone, but the alarm clock, and I was back in the present. I thought back on my dream, reminiscing about the past until I remembered one other important thing about my dream. It was the first morning I hadn't woken up having a nightmare about the incident in Japan since it had happened. I slammed my hand down on the alarm clock singing "Blinded by the light" and turned back over into Chibs, thankful that I had him to help take the pain away. I placed my right hand on his chest and looked at my claddagh ring. When I had been tied up all that time in Japan, I had eased my nerves by twisting and turning that ring around on my finger. I had thought about moving the ring to my left hand, just in case I died over there, so that Chibs would see it and know how I felt about him. But I had never decided what to do with it, because I wasn't sure what it would mean to him if I moved it. For all I knew, if I had moved it without his knowledge it could have meant that I had given up on him and was professing my love for another. That seemed farfetched, even for my dramatic imagination, but I stalled long enough to not have to make that decision, cursing myself for not talking more to Chibs about his Scottish traditions.

Chibs reacted to my touch, or maybe the alarm clock had woken him up, and nuzzled closer to me. "It's the big day. You ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." I pulled away from him and eased out of bed. I was eager to start my day, anxious of what lay ahead, even though it would be this afternoon before the guys would meet to discuss my future.

"Where are you going?" Chibs half sat up and squinted at me through his sleepy eyes.

"Smoke then shower. Wanna join me?" I said as I backed into the bathroom.

"Mmmm….five more minutes. Maybe thirty." Chibs said as he rolled over onto his stomach and buried his head in my pillow.

"Suit yourself." I closed the bathroom door and turned on the exhaust fan, eager for my first morning smoke. All the exhilarating events of yesterday, and the anxiety of what was to happen today crashed down on me. So much so that I started to feel sick. I finished my cigarette and jumped in the shower, hoping it would help calm me down. It didn't help much, and I was still so preoccupied that I didn't hear Chibs enter the bathroom. I only noticed when I felt a hand on the small of my back.

"Oh my God, what the hell is wrong with you? You scared me half to death." I jumped and turned around to see a shocked and confused Chibs inches away from my face.

"Christ you're jumpy today."

"I'm sorry, I'm just nervous, and preoccupied." I stepped back farther into the shower, allowing Chibs more room.

"Well, I gotta perfect cure for that." He said as he cornered me against the wall of the shower.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" I smiled, knowing what was coming next.

"I do. It's called _penis_illin." He said as he reached down in between my legs.

"My God you're classy." I said, teasing his crude joke.

"And you love me for it."

"Yea, I do." I just laughed until my laughter started sounding more like moans. This was the perfect way to start every morning if you ask me.


	17. Chapter 17

I parked my new bike in the Teller-Morrow parking lot later that morning, choosing to park amongst the hangarounds bikes instead of the club members. I hadn't earned that right yet, and I wasn't going to step on any toes by assuming I was special just because of my last name. I could tell my move was well received from the looks I got from a few of the guys and the nod I got from Bobby as I entered the garage. I walked over to the far wall to retrieve my TM work shirt to throw over my three-quarters sleeve tee.

"Young lady."

I turned around to see my mother in the door to the office, giving me a "we need to talk" look. I made my way over to the office and shut the door behind me as my mother sat down at the desk.

"Honey, what are you doin?" She gave me both an understanding and confused look. Hard to pull off, I know, but she did it.

I decided to just lay it all out there, hoping to skip a few steps in the long discussion we were about to have. "Mom, I want this, I need this, and I deserve this. I need to be out there, supporting my family in the best way I know how. For you, that's being here, but for me, it's being out there with them."

"Well, as long as you're sure." She said pleasantly, looking back down at the paperwork she held in her hands, essentially dismissing me.

"What? That's it? That's all you have to say? Wow. I was expecting a lecture and a tongue-lashing at the very least." I was shocked my mother didn't have anything else to say.

"Well then you don't know your mother very well." Was all she replied, fixing me with smiling eyes.

"So that means you support me?"

"Sweetie, come here." She pulled back from the desk and motioned me forward.

I walked over and leaned against the desk in front of her.

"Baby, I support you in everything you do. It's what I do, I'm your mom for crying out loud." She looked at me like I should already know this bit of information.

"So that means that if I wanted to start ax-murdering everyone whose name just so happened to start with a B, then you'd support me in that too?" I countered, waiting for my mother's next words when Jax appeared in the doorway.

"I don't think Bobby would appreciate that very much." He winked at me as I swiveled my head around to see him.

"Jesus you two, you take everything to the extreme don't you?" Mom shook her head as she spoke.

"We get it from you." Jax and I said in unison.

Mom laughed, then fixed Jax with a steady gaze. "You take care of my baby girl, you hear?"

"Sure thing Ma."

The day was the slowest, yet fastest I had ever experienced. I tried to keep myself busy and after what had felt like forever, but yet like no time at all, all the guys started heading towards the club house. It was time for the meeting that would decide my future. As I watched Bobby, Chibs, and Juice stroll towards the clubhouse, my mom came out of the office and handed me some papers.

"Repo's." She said. "Take Half-Sack with you."

"Figures." I mumbled as she walked away. "Sack, come on, they're trying to get rid of me." I said and waved the papers at him.

"How many?" Sack asked as we climbed into the wrecker. "Wait, did you want to drive?"

"No, I don't like driving this big ass truck. And there's two of them." I settled in and propped my feet up on the dash.

"Fun." Sack reached towards the radio but stopped in mid action. "You wanna listen to the radio?"

"Dude, we're you dropped on your head? What's with all the questions? And of course I want to listen to the radio." I reached over and turned the radio up and to a classic rock station. Sack seemed unsure as of how to act around me. "I'm not gonna bite, ya know."

"I know. We've just never really been alone together, I don't really know you that well. And it's weird ya know, you going out for prospect, and I'm a prospect. And you're a woman, not that that matters, but still, it's just kinda weird cause I don't know what to say-"

"Please stop babbling. You're just digging yourself a deeper hole."

"That's what I was afraid of." Sack said then went quiet.

"So. What do you think of me being a prospect? The truth." I waited for his answer but all he did was press his lips together.

"Look Sack, I'm no different than you. Just cause I don't have a dick I want to stick in everything with a hole doesn't mean that I'm that different than you. I'm not gonna bite your head off if you say something wrong. If you don't wanna talk about it then that's fine, I'm not going to push you. But just know that this isn't some uber-feminist move I'm doing here. I'm not doing this just because I am a woman. I'm doing this in spite of that. I think I deserve it too, it doesn't matter what gender you are, it matters what kind of person you are. I think I deserve it because I want it. I don't want to be treated any differently because I'm a woman, or because I'm a Teller. _If_ I become a prospect, my status will actually _drop_ for a whole year. I'll be just like any other prospect."

"No you won't." Sack cut me off. I was glad he finally got the balls to talk about it, no pun intended. "You'll never be a normal prospect. You will be in certain aspects, but they're not gonna be as rough on you, not because you're a woman or a Teller, but also because of that, in a way."

"I'm waiting?" I said when Sack didn't explain his train of thought.

He sighed before continuing. "You're their baby girl. I've seen how they treat you- like a princess. That's not gonna change just because you're a lowly prospect. They're not gonna rag on you like they do me. And that's okay, I'm cool with that. I'm sure I would be the same way if I knew you like they do. You might want to be treated like they treat me, but it's not gonna happen." He laughed as he finished.

"You might be surprised." I laughed.

"Wanna bet on it?"

"What kind of man would I be if didn't? How much are we talking here?" I watched Sack's face contort with laughter as I called myself a man.

"Hundred dollars? What are the conditions?" Sack obviously wasn't used to my extortionist tendencies when it came to betting.

"How about twenty bucks every time they do it. And by it, I mean every time they say something or ask me to do something that you wouldn't expect them to ask their princess to do."

"Twenty bucks? You're kidding me. Okay, that's easy. What do I get out of this?"

"Umm, how about just not losing money?"

"No, no, no, no, no. How about twenty every time they obviously don't ask you to do something they would ask me to do. Your end of the deals better since we won't always be able to tell if they're favoring you. But, most of time we will."

"Okay, that's fair. But it seems to me we're just gonna be exchanging the same twenty dollar bill over and over again. Oh, turn here. The house number is 1358." I said as we pulled into the subdivision trying to find the house that would hopefully have the car we were going to repo in front of it.

"You're probably right. It won't be one way or the other. But I think it'll land more favorably on my side." Sack replied.

"It might."_ If_ I was even going to be a prospect.

"Hey. Don't get all depressed on me. We were doing good there for a minute." Sack nudged me with his elbow.

"I know. It's just that we should probably be betting on if they're gonna let me prospect or not. Nothing's certain." I replied.

"You're right, nothing's certain, but I'm pretty sure it's an open and closed case."

"On what side?"

"On the side you want. There's no need to bet. I wouldn't want to collect or pay on that one."

"Thanks Sack."

"By the way, what do you mean, in spite of being a woman?"

"Huh?"

"You said earlier that you weren't doing this_ because_ you are a woman but _in spite_ of being a woman. What did you mean by that."

"Oh. Well, I was raised in this club, I was raised with the same thinking that all of you believe-that women don't belong in a motorcycle club. I guess there's a part of me that's a little self-loathing. Even though I try to fight that feeling. Here it is." We had reached the house, and the small silver car was sitting there waiting on us.

"You really believe that?" Sack said as he backed the wrecker into the driveway.

"A part of me believes that, yes." I said as I hopped out of the car.

"Oh I see. You want them to treat you like a normal prospect as a sort of punishment or penance, not because you really believe you're a normal prospect. And you keep telling yourself you deserve this so hopefully you'll start believing it."

I stopped dead in my tracks and looked up at him. He studied me with those inquisitive eyes that said he had me all figured out. And he did. "I do deserve this." I said as I aimed my pointer finger at him.

"I know that," He said, "But you don't. You're still stuck on that backwards thinking you were raised on. And you can't completely get over it, even for something you want." Sack said as he jimmied the car door open.

I studied him as he worked. He was dead right, and I felt vulnerable and naked in front of him, knowing that he had figured something out that I didn't want to admit to myself. It was a way of seeing right through me that reminded me of Endo. The resemblance sent shivers down my spine. "You're right." Was all I said. That was when I looked in the back seat and saw a car seat. "Sack, when you get that open, unlock all the doors."

"Why?" He said as he did it anyway. He just watched as I unbuckled the car seat and pulled it out of the car. "Hey, no, everything in the car belongs to us now."

"Don't quote the rules to me dumbass, I'm not leaving these people without a car seat for their kid. That is beyond shitty." I walked the car seat up to the house and set it beside the side door.

"Okay, whatever." Sack didn't say another word as we began to hook the car up to the wrecker.

I looked for anything else that might be in the car that the family would need. Hell, some women left their purses in their car. I would have a bitch fit if someone repo'd my car and took my purse, even though I rarely carried one. We got the car up on the truck safe and secure and headed back to Teller-Morrow. It had only been about forty-five minutes, but I figured that was enough time for the guys to have made their decision.

We pulled into the lot to drop the car off, but none of the club members were in sight. Mom's SUV was gone though, and so was Chibs' bike. That meant they were out of their meeting. But did I get in?

Sack and I dropped the car off and headed out again to get the other car. It took everything I had not to call Chibs on his cell. I tried to tap into Jax's head to get the feel of his emotions, but it was like he was blocking me. What the hell? That could mean that either they were letting me prospect and he wanted to tell me himself, or that I didn't get in and he wants to tell me himself. My heart rose and sank as I thought through each theory. But why was Chibs gone? Why would he leave if the meeting went badly? Maybe because he was pissed about it. But why would he leave if it went well?

"Sack, turn right here, we're making a little detour." I pointed to the road that would lead us towards the shops in town.

"Why?" Sack slowed the truck but didn't turn.

"I wanna see something. Just do it."

"Look, I don't think you should be worried about this, the faster we get done with this repo then the faster we get back and you can find out what happened."

"Sack, just turn."

"No."

"Sack. Now."

"No."

"Look, loser, I'm not a prospect yet, even if they said yes, I am _not_ a prospect yet. Therefore, we are not both prospects and on equal terms. Unless someone in the club gave you strict orders not to go down this street, then I can pull rank on you right now. After all, you said it yourself, I'm the princess. Now turn, the fucking, truck. Oh, and word to the wise, I'm your sponsors old lady. No matter what happens today I can do things to him in bed that make him do whatever I say. And as we both know, you have to do whatever he says. You really don't want me on your bad side babe."

Sack just nodded with a nervous look on his face and turned down the street I had directed him to. "Do you really think this is the best way to find out?"

"Yes." I replied, still irritated from the argument.

"Okay." Sack said, giving up the fight.

We rode down the street in silence for a bit, neither of us caring to break it. "Park right here."

"Huh?" Sack shot me a confused look.

"Well if they're there, then I don't want them seeing the truck ride by. Just park right here, we'll go on foot."

Sack parked the truck and we both got out. I led the way through the buildings and streets until we were behind the building right across from our destination.

"Hey, look. What do you think you're gonna find over here. This isn't the best way to do this, if they're not there then you're gonna be all heartbroken, but you could have just missed them or something. I don't think this is a good idea. Hey, hey wait." He said as he grabbed my arm. "I'm just afraid you'll be disappointed is all. I'm not qualified to…"

"To what?"

"To console you."

"You don't think they voted me in do you?"

"It's not that, this just isn't a surefire way to tell."

"It could be. Are you with me?" I searched his eyes, he really was concerned about how I found out the news.

"I guess I have to be. You're too fucking hardheaded." Sack finally broke a smile and I shared one in return.

"Now or never." I said as I turned back around and crept up to the side of the building with Sack almost right on top of me. I looked across the street, hoping to see what I wanted to.

There it was. One of the local clothing stores that all the guys got their leather from. And right in front of it was Chibs bike, mom's SUV, and Tara's car. I looked in the shop window and saw the back of Jax's blonde head, obviously in discussion with someone else. My heart soared. I seriously felt like it was about to fly out of my chest. They had agreed to let me be a prospect! I shot back behind the wall, almost knocking Sack over with the intensity of the move. I leaned up against the wall, trying to catch my breath.

Sack mirrored my pose and laughed. "Wow, no one picked my cut out for me."

"Oh my God. This is actually happening. I can't believe this, Sack, this is actually happening!"

He just spread out his arms and said, "Welcome to the club."

I jumped into his arms, even though he hadn't had them open for a hug, and almost knocked him over again. "Let's go," I said as I pulled back from the hug. "let's go, let's go! We have a repo to take care of! Hurry, I want to get back to the clubhouse!" We both started practically running through the street to get back to the truck. "Hurry let's get out of here before they leave! They might see us, I don't want them to know I know."

Sack laughed as he pulled the truck out of the parking space. "Shouldn't you have worried about that _before_ we stopped? God I hope you're not contagious, I thought you said you weren't going to act like a girl about this." He just smiled over at me as I nearly bounced in my seat.

"And how exactly did you feel when you were told you could prospect? Hmm?"

"Well, I was…happy, excited, whatever you want to call it. I wasn't jumping up and down though."

"Oh shut up and drive. I'm too excited to listen to you trying to drag me down."

Sack shut up but held his hand out expectantly.

"What the hell is that for?" Oh no, he wasn't going to pull this on me.

"We agreed, twenty bucks every time they treat you like a princess. Picking your cut out qualifies. Cough it up."

"Oh no, every person in that store is_ family_. I can guarantee you that wasn't a club decision."

"It still counts."

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does."

"No, it doesn't."

"Yes, it does."

"NO. IT. DOESN'T."

"Cough it up."

"I'm going to _hit_ you prospect."

"Bring it _prospect_."


	18. Chapter 18

The second vehicle on the repo list hadn't been at the guys house, or his work, so we had headed back to the club house. We were almost there, and I was seriously considering scooting over towards Sack and pushing the gas pedal to the floor. It felt like he was driving slowly just to piss me off. I knew it was just my nerves that made me feel so anxious. Sack was doing his best to distract me though, he hadn't let our conversation stall yet, unless singing along to the radio counted.

"Don't stop, believing. Hold onto that fee-e-e-ling, don't stop believe-i-i-ing…" We both sang along to the Journey song at the top of our lungs as we neared the lot.

"Okay, you have _got_ to calm down. If you go in there like this then they're gonna know you know." Sack said as the song ended.

"Me? I'm not the only one practicing for American Idol over here."

"I told you you were contagious. But seriously, we have to calm down now."

I just started laughing as I listened to him speak. Calm down? Me? I was going to be a prospect for SAMCRO, something I've wanted my entire life but thought I could never have. There was no way I was going to be able to calm down.

Sack started laughing as well. "Quit laughing dammit. I swear, you are ridiculous. And Chibs is going to kick my ass if he finds out I let you spy like you did."

"_No_ he's _not_. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret now that _I'm a prospect_ as well. That boy has a heart of pure _gold, _and he loves me to _death. _He knows how hardheaded I am, and he's not going to blame you for something he knows you had no control over. He might act like he is, or pick on you about it, but he's not going to _kick your ass_."

"Oh but I could have stopped you. And I didn't."

"No you couldn't have." I just laughed at his sweet naivety. "If my first and second scare tactics hadn't worked, then I would have just jumped out of the truck and started running. There was no way you could have stopped me."

"What was your second scare tactic?"

I reached down into the pocket in the door and pulled out my .45, loaded it, and pointed it at him in about a second and a half.

"Oh. Yeah, that would have worked... Where the hell did that come from?"

"It's mine."

"You carry a gun around?" He actually looked a little shocked.

"Don't you?" I was a little confused at his reaction.

"Yeah, but," He just shot me a 'don't kill me look' then looked at the gun. "I don't know it's just, you're, you're a g-girl."

"Sack, I thought we covered this already. Guns are very thankfully unisex."

"Yeah but…"

I felt my eyebrows inch up my forehead as Sack made the turn into the lot. I unloaded the gun and placed it behind my back for safekeeping. After that I crossed my arms and sat in irritated silence until we parked. I looked up at Sack who was facing forward trying to hide the huge smile on his face.

"Why are you _smiling_?" My irritation rising to a new level.

"I had to calm you down somehow." He said as his smile broke out even further. "And you are sooo easy."

"Motherfucker! I ought to hit you! Don't ever do that to me again!" But I had to admit, making me mad was a good way to keep me from being too excited. I was really beginning to like Half-Sack. I went to throw a sisterly punch at him but he was already sliding out of the truck. I jumped out of the truck and chased after him as he ran across the lot to the clubhouse laughing. I had almost caught up to him when I heard Chibs yell from a few feet away.

"What the hell do you two think you're doing?" The look on his face was incredulous.

I stopped dead in my tracks as Half-Sack did the same. Everything came rushing back to me as I remembered why I had been so excited to get back to the club in the first place. "Umm. Nothing. We're not doing anything."

"That's right, nothing at all." Sack chimed in.

Chibs just looked at us both like we were crazy but dropped it. "Would you like to come in?" He gestured towards the door of the club as he nodded at me.

My heart started racing as I thought about what was coming next. I nodded back at Chibs and stepped into the clubhouse. The room was deserted other than Tig, Clay, Jax, Bobby, Opie, Juice, and Piney standing around the bar. I focused on Jax and Juice's smiling faces right in the middle of the bar.

Clay was poised at the head of the bar, his look almost solemn. He pushed off the bar and began walking towards me. "Gemma Ashlyn Teller, you are now, if you so choose, a prospect for the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club, Redwood Original. You will be given a probationary period of a year to prospect for us. If, at the end of that year, every full patch member in SAMCRO decides you deserve to be a full patch holder, then you will earn the rest of your patches, switching out the prospect patches for the real thing. It's not going to be easy. You're going to be tested in ways you never imagined. You will have to prove your loyalty to this club in any way we so choose. You will be given a sponsor to help you learn the ropes of your new life. He will guide you through this next year of your life as you learn what it takes to be a Son. He will never steer you wrong. You must listen to him and do anything he or another member tells you to do. If anyone other than an officer of the club or your sponsor tells you to do something you think is questionable, always turn to your sponsor to resolve the issue. Are we clear?"

"Yes sir." Even though I wanted to say "as a bell," I was a prospect now. I had to be completely respectful of Clay and the rest of the guys when they were serious.

"Will Miss Teller's sponsor please step forward and present her with her cut?" Clay replied.

I looked up at the bar as Juice, Bobby, and Tig all made to step around the bar towards me, but all of them stopped and leaned back against the bar and smiled as Jax took a step back then around the bar with a huge smile on his face. He held my cut in his hands and held it up as he walked towards me. "I think he means me." He held the cut up even higher so that I could slip my arms into it.

My heart was racing ninety to nothing. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. And my brother was going to be my sponsor? It was heaven. I turned around and let him help me into the cut. It was already adorned with the prospect and MC patches, as well as the bottom rocker shouting to the world that I was now a prospect. I felt so good I just knew that at any moment the bottom was going to fall out. There had to be a limit to how happy someone was right? I smiled from ear to ear as I pulled the cut tight around my chest. _We did it Endo._ _We did it._ I turned around and hugged my brother fiercely.

He thumped my back so hard he almost winded me. "I am so proud of you."

"Thank you. Thank you all." I said as I looked around at the rest of the guys. "You don't know how much this means to me. I mean…maybe you do…" I stopped babbling and ran my hands up and down my cut. _My cut._ It was a smooth black leather and it fit me perfectly. That must have been one of the reasons Tara was there to help pick it out. We were the same size, and she knew my taste better than anyone did.

Bobby walked up to me and pulled me up into a hug. "Congratulations."

Tig's hug was next, and he whispered, "It looks good on you."

I hugged each member in turn, thanking each of them, until I reached Clay. He wrapped his arms around me as I thanked him. His hug wasn't the warmest thing, but he didn't really seem to regret his decision.

I turned around then to see Chibs, the only member I hadn't thanked yet. I put my arms around him as he did the same to me. "Thank you. _So_ much."

"You know I love you, right? This is just all so weird for me, seeing you like this, it's gonna take some getting used to." Chibs rubbed my arms as we pulled out of our hug.

"I love you too, and I know, it is weird, but I'm gonna make you proud, all of you." I looked at Jax and smiled. He was smiling, but trying not to smile too wide. He looked like he was trying to keep his teeth from falling out.

"Shots!" Juice shouted from the bar where he was pouring ten shots up. Everyone grabbed a glass and Jax handed me mine.

"Sons." Everyone said in unison as we raised our glasses.

"Bottoms up." Tig said before downing his shot. He patted me on the back before setting his glass down on the bar and saying, "One more."

Jax picked up his glass this time and made the toast as he nodded at me. "Daughters."

Everyone but Clay repeated the toast before we all drank down our whiskey. To be here, in this environment, as one of the guys…it was all I had ever wanted. The only step up was to be a full patch holder, and hopefully, that would come to pass a year from now. They had let me prospect, but that didn't mean that it was 100% positive that I would join the club for good. But I couldn't do anything about that now, except for proving I belonged here.

"We're gonna have you a party here tonight, but I know you have some business you need to take care of first. And since the first time you ride with that cut on, you need to ride with everybody, we're all going with you." Jax set his glass down on the bar and led me to the door with all of the guys following behind us. When we walked through the door, my mom and Tara, who had been sitting at the table outside the club, got up and walked towards me.

My mom wrapped her arms tightly around me. "Oh sweetie, I'm so proud of you for being so brave."

"Thanks mom." I replied as I returned her hug. "Tara," I said as reached for the woman.

"It looks good on you. You like it?" Tara asked, pointing to my cut.

"I love it, thank you. You did a good job."

"Umm, how'd you know it was me?" Tara gave me a confused smile.

"Because you're the only one whose spot on about what I like to wear. Mom gets close, but she doesn't always hit the mark." It was the truth, even though I left out the part about me spying.

"Well I'm glad I brought her along then." Mom gave me a pretend hurt look.

"Okay, we gotta get outta here, got things to do." Jax said as he led me through the crowd. "We'll be back around dark."

"Okay, here's the deal, I know you know this but I gotta tell you anyway. We all ride out in front of you, you know the order, and you pull out and ride beside Half-Sack after he pulls out. Got it?" Jax instructed me as we walked to our bikes.

"Got it." I said, bypassing the long row of bikes and heading for my own. I waited for the guys to get on their bikes and crank them up, and watched as one by one pulled out of the lot with ease. I cranked my bike up and followed Sack out into the street. Not far down the street we all stopped at a red light. I looked ahead to see Chibs looking back at me and smiling. It took only that small encouragement for the Cheshire grin I was trying to keep contained to break free. Embarrassed by my overflowing enthusiasm, I looked around me for something else to focus on. As I did, I noticed Sack right beside me looking around him with an amused look on his face. He caught my eye and nodded towards one side of the street. I looked over to see several bystanders at a standstill on the sidewalk staring at me. Some looked awed, some shocked, and some looked disgusted. Some even pointed and waved. What was I supposed to do? Wave back? That didn't seem right, so I just nodded and breathed a sigh of relief as the light turned green and chorus of revving motorcycles drowned out the shocked voices around me.

The trip to see Otto was a pleasant one to say the least. I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. I was finally where I had wanted to be for so many years, and I felt like nothing could stop me. I felt invincible, which is kind of a dangerous feeling to have when riding a motorcycle. A lot of guys end up getting hurt that way. I just tried my best to pay attention to the rode under my wheels. _My_ wheels. It was such a unique feeling that filled me to the brim with ecstasy. There was no other word for it. Ecstasy.

I followed the rest of the guys into the parking lot of the prison where Clay led us to a spot up close to the building that we could park our bikes in that familiar line. As I backed my bike in next to Sack a smile split across my face. It was amazing what small things could make me feel like a part of the group.

"See you guys in a bit." Jax said as he motioned me towards the entrance of the prison.

"Yeah, tell Little O we said hey." Clay said as he perched on his bike to light a cigar.

I paused as I walked past Chibs and placed a quick peck on his lips. "Love you."

He just winked and landed a playful smack on my ass. I jogged to catch up with Jax and grabbed my ponytail holder on the way and shook my hair out to its full length. I wanted people to_ know_ I was a woman. I didn't want to leave any doubt, even though my boobs were barely concealed by my cut. _My_ cut. It was gonna take awhile to get used to that.

We made our way through security and told them who we wanted to see. A few minutes later we were being led into the room for visitors. I got a lot of weird looks from both the guards and the prisoners, but the attention only felt good. I followed Jax farther into the room until he stopped and motioned towards Otto standing next to one of the tables.

"Otto!" I practically ran to him and knocked him over with my hug.

"Hey! You did it!" Otto warmly returned my hug.

"Thank you, Otto. I couldn't have done it without you."

"Yeah, you could have. It might have taken longer, but you could have done it without me, without anybody's help." Otto said as he took a seat at the table.

"Otto, I couldn't have done it without all of you. From the very beginning, everyone around me has helped mold me into the person I am today. This started a long time ago, probably the day I was born." I broke off with a laugh.

"So are you gonna run around thanking everyone you've ever met? Even the cashier down at the grocery store and the teller at the bank?" Otto joked as he took my hands in his.

I just laughed at his reasoning. "Yeah, I might. You never know with me."


	19. Chapter 19

I backed my bike in next to Sack's and looked around at the thriving parking lot. Most of the people here didn't care that the party was for me, they only cared that the Sons were throwing another blow out party. And that was fine by me, because I knew the real reason.

Jax and Chibs waited for Sack and I to catch up with them. "You know it's customary for the new prospect to get shitfaced and embarrass themselves at their party right?" Jax said as we followed the rest of the guys towards the clubhouse.

"I think I can handle that." I laughed as Chibs placed a loving arm around my shoulder.

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After the first several shots the whole clubhouse was spinning around me. I watched as people milled about me, laughing and drinking and sometimes throwing me odd looks. I wanted a cigarette, but the room was so smoky already I couldn't bear to add more to it. I grabbed Chibs by the arm and drug him a few steps until he got the general idea. Uninhibited because of the alcohol flowing in my veins I flew out of the clubhouse door, knocking over some little guy who was standing outside behind the door.

"Hey! What the fuck is wrong with you?" He looked up at me as he finished picking himself up off the ground. "Oh shit. I'm sorry. I didn't know." He backtracked as he noticed Chibs behind me. He barely glanced down at the cut on my chest.

I leaned back, getting closer to Chibs to ask him something without having to turn around. "Baby? Can I kick his ass?"

"He asked for it. Go ahead prospect." Chibs said with all seriousness, even though he was trying not to laugh.

Good thing this guy didn't weigh much more than me, and good thing he wasn't standing too far away from the wall. I threw my hand up around his throat and pushed him hard back against the wall. "Maybe next time, you won't stand in front of the door like a dumbass. Maybe next time, you'll look to see who you're yelling at before you get the shit beat out of you for being a dumbass. Maybe next time, you'll think twice before acting big and bad and thumping your fist against your measly chest in front of _all_ who wear this patch. On our _own_ property, no less. Show some goddamn respect." I let go of his throat only to land a right against the side of his head.

This show of force may seem cruel, but it was mostly because he only regretted his action because of the possessive way Chibs had been standing over me. It would have been detrimental to my reputation to _not _sock the guy in the head. If I had been lenient, everyone watching would have lost respect for me and the club that I now represented with every action I made. They needed to learn I was one of the guys now, and that I deserved respect.

The MC world was a cruel one. We all walked around like we were the cock of the walk. Like everyone was beneath us. It's not that we really and truly felt that we were better than everyone else, it's just that if you expect people to put you on a pedestal, you have to have a reason to be there, and you have to act a certain way to stay there. While I usually embraced the speak softly, carry a big stick motto, not all of the guys did. And it didn't fit into every situation anyway. At times I would be lenient, and others I would be strict. But not much of that was left up to me. The men before me had set a certain punishment for certain actions, and being only a prospect, with pull over citizens, but not in the club, I had to abide by those rules of engagement with the rest of the world. Maybe it was more fear than respect that the people around me had, but it wasn't my place to change the system. Not yet at least. Who knew? Maybe this was for the best, maybe it didn't work the other way around. I hadn't spent long enough in the club to figure that out.

The guy slumped to the ground, then looked around to see if anyone was going to help him up. Everyone within a five foot radius backed away from him a foot or two. Good. I had gotten my point across. I walked past the crowd and over to the table and slid down on the seat beside Half-Sack. I pulled a cigarette out and looked over at the curious eyes of the girl he had sitting in his lap.

"Nicely done." Sack smiled from around the beer he held to his lips.

"Thank you Sacky."

"God, please don't call me that when were sober."

"Will do."

"Wait. You will when were sober? Or you won't?" He shot me a confused glance that hid his smile.

"We'll have to wait and see tomorrow, won't we?"

"Up." I heard Chibs say from behind me. How could he make one word sound so powerful and sultry?

"Yes sir." I stood up and leaned forward so Chibs could slide in under me. Once he was settled, I sat down in his lap.

"It's okay." Sack said in a reassuring baby talk sound beside me. He was talking to the meek looking girl in his lap.

She looked over at me shyly, not sure whether or not to continue. "So, you're a prospect?"

"Yeah. As of today." God was she adorable with those questioning eyes. Almost like a child's eyes.

"So, they let women in the club?" She broke eye contact with me to look down at Sack who was smiling at her amusing tone of voice.

"God Sack, do you always go for the wide-eyed ones? And yes, deserving women. Just like the deserving men they let in." I smiled at her, about to ask her name when I heard a nasally female voice come from the other side of the table. I looked over, seeing the brunette bitch sitting on Bobby's right knee. His left was occupied by a tiny blonde.

"Deserving? Like the men? You got a dick or somethin?" Her sneering face showed confidence. She thought she had the right to speak up because she was in Bobby's lap.

"No sweetie, no dick. Just balls." I sneered right back, I could feel my face turning red with anger. I started leaning in closer across the table towards her.

"Get up." Bobby said to her.

"What?" Her face showed genuine surprise.

"I said, get up. You don't talk to her like that. And if you make her mad enough, she'll come across the table at you. I don't want you that close to me when she does. Up." Bobby shooed her off his lap then turned to the blonde on his other knee. "Now it's just you and me sweetheart."

The brunette stood behind Bobby and gave him an exasperated look. Bobby shooed her again. "Goooo. Get out of here, now."

She shot me another dirty look as she walked away. My anger flared, magnified tenfold by the leather on my back and the alcohol in my veins. I shot up across the table and over a few hangarounds heads, careful not to go over Bobby. "No, no, no, no, no!" Bobby still yelled as I made my way over the table, knocking beer bottles over. His voice shook more with laughter than authority. I took off as soon as my feet hit the ground and grabbed her by the back of her hair and slung her around, holding her there until my eyes found the guy I had assaulted earlier. She screamed and cursed at me as I slung her to him. "Go. Get in the shit list corner with him." She stumbled and caught her balance against him before turning around to come after me with raised fists.

I heard cat calls fly up from all around me, some even coming from Chibs and Sack.

"Get her, baby." Chibs yelled from his seat at the table.

"I wouldn't do that if I was you sweetheart." Bobby laughed as the brunette ran towards me.

I stepped slightly to the left as she got close enough to hit and threw a hard punch square to her nose. She immediately dropped to the ground with a hand to her nose. "Pussy." I spat at her.

"Prospect!" I turned around to see Jax yell from beside the table. I had seen him and Tig walk past me moments earlier, but had disregarded their presence for the moment. "Could you take a break from breaking shit for just a minute?" He laughed as he held up a shot glass in front of him.

I walked over to the table to take the shot glass Tig had poured for me.

"To the new prospect! May she be all that she can be, all that we were, and all that we are. She's already doing a damn good job of it." Jax said before downing his shot.

"Again." Tig said as he poured another round.

The alcohol burned down my throat and I lost count as I heard Tig say again several more times.


	20. Chapter 20

Ow. What the hell hurts so bad? Oh yeah, my head. And my back. And…pretty much everything.

The world came crashing down around me as I awoke. I started getting the feeling back in body, and it wasn't a fun experience. I squeezed my already closed eyes shut even tighter and willed sleep to come again. I'll just sleep it off, that's a good idea. I waited a few seconds and after I only felt even more awake, I gave up on sleep and began to assess my situation. Oooowwww. I slowly began to sit up, opening my eyes, and in that process found out I was on the floor. I pushed myself up, my right arm was killing me from sleeping on it the wrong way. Something was under my waist. Something both softer than the floor but also harder and more uncomfortable because of the odd way I was laying on it. I pushed up on my arms and rolled off the object onto my back, still not exactly sure what it was. Oh thank God, it was Chibs and his bony ass hip. I pushed through the pounding headache and aching body and sat up, trying to figure out where I was. Ok, no need to panic; I was in the hallway of the clubhouse. I looked over to see Chib's body contorted on the floor. His chest was flat on the floor, but the rest of his body was on its side. I stalled for a second, trying to get the room to stop spinning. I looked around, not seeing anyone else in the hallway. I crawled over to Chibs and shook his shoulder with my sore arm. "Baby. Baby, wake up."

A gruff "Mmmpphhh" was all I got in return.

"Suit yourself." I mumbled as I pushed myself off the floor, desperate for some form of hydration. As I stood, I noticed where I was at in the hallway. In front of my dad's beautiful light blue bike, his memorial, so to speak.

I place a hand on the glass that kept the bike safe. "Did I make you proud daddy? At least until I passed out shitfaced in the hallway?" I waited for a response, even though I knew I wouldn't get one. "Yeah, that's what I thought." I said as I pushed away from the wall and walked up the hallway, slowly, to keep my pounding hangover headache at bay. I found my way into the kitchen, desperate for something along the lines of juice. The thought of being near the bar at the moment made me sick. I opened the fridge, hoping it held what I needed. Bingo. Cranberry juice. Something that was kept on hand for many of the fruity drinks that were the only thing some women would drink. I poured a huge glass and slumped down on the floor to drink it while I smoked. As my head cleared, I thought about last night. Had I done anything stupid? Something irreversibly stupid, at least? I hoped not. And why had I ended up next to my dad's bike? It wasn't a coincidence, I knew that much. I can only imagine some of the embarrassing things I said in that emotional situation. I can only hope that Chibs was the only one to hear me.

By the end of my cigarette, and most of the cranberry juice, I was feeling mostly normal again. I got up and filled my cup up again and headed out of the kitchen. I could feel my body eating up all of the juice, thanking me with every sip I took for rehydrating it. I walked into the bar, stepping over sleeping bodies. People were everywhere; on the floor, on the bar, on the couches…pretty much every surface, whether flat or not, was occupied by some passed out drunk. I made my way outside and into the blinding light. I looked along the row of bikes to see who of the club was still here. Clay, Piney, and Opie's bikes were all missing, but everyone else was still here. Someone was in the garage though, so I made my way towards the open door.

"Morning Sunshine." Jax smiled over his cup of cranberry juice.

"Great minds."

"We're gonna have to pee every five minutes, but we'll feel better than anyone in that bar, guaranteed." Jax said as he took another gulp of juice.

"Jax, why are you still here? Why didn't you go home last night?"

"I don't know, I was drunk, didn't want to drive, didn't want to call Tara to come pick me up, didn't want to leave you here without me."

"Jax, you should have gone home, I would have been fine, I have Chibs. Now I feel bad."

"Don't, you tried to get me to go home but I just didn't feel like it. I don't know, I just have some things I need to sort through. Didn't feel like being home where I'd have to play normal." Jax sighed, his eyebrows scrunched together.

"Like what? Talk to me."

"I don't know, Clay and I are butting heads about CaraCara, I don't know what to do without LuAnne to run everything. If the business is gonna work, then it needs a director. Hey, you know your way behind a camera…you wanna be my director?" He said with a one sided smirk.

"Fuck you. Besides, Clay would personally tear this cut off my back if I did that. Just to remind us both who the VP is and who the Pres is. You know he hates the porn business."

"Yeah. Guess I'm back to square one." The look in his eyes became very pained.

"Jax, it's not your fault. Look at me, it's not your fault."

"Yeah it is. She's dead because of me. And taking these trips to see Otto is killing me, I know he doesn't want to be anywhere near me right now."

I let go of his hand and wrapped both arms around his chest. "Jax, no she's not. And we don't know what happened. And Otto understands…he'll get past this, just like you will."

Jax choked back a small sob, but a single tear slipped out of each eye. "Maybe I don't have it, maybe I don't have what I need to be a proper president for this club. I'll probably only make bigger mistakes than Clay does."

"You know what? You don't have it, not by yourself. Every leader has council, a wing man, whatever you wanna call it. You're not gonna have to do it by yourself. You'll have me, no matter what capacity I'm in when you become president, I'll always be your best friend. We've always worked better as a team rather than by ourselves, anyway." I rubbed a soothing hand up and down his back.

"You saying you wanna be my VP?" He smiled over at me.

"Well I didn't say that. I just mean that I'll always be your real VP no matter who holds that patch." And I would be. No matter if I was one of the Sons or not.

"Yeah. I guess you're right."

"Christ almighty. What are you two doing out here in this blindin sun?" Chibs said from the doorway. I jumped. I hadn't heard or seen him walk up.

"You're in it too." I said as I looked down at the beer he had in his hands.

"I only walked out here to ask that, and I didn't want to yell it across the lot for fear my head would split open." He said as he took another swig from his beer.

"Come here. Put that down, drink this, it'll help." I pulled the beer out of his hand and gave him my juice.

"What the hell is this?" He asked, his voice rising, showing his disgust at the juice.

"Just drink it." I said, trying to push the glass to his lips.

"No I don't want it. I don't want it." He said as he pushed the glass back towards me.

"Okay then, I don't want to hear you complain."

"You won't." Not two seconds later he laid his head against my shoulder with a moan. "Oh, me head, it hurts so bad. Make it stop, please, it's like a sledgehammer against my skull. Ooohhh…it hurts."

"Just so you know, you're not bothering me, because I feel fine." I held up the glass to make my point. "You're only making it worse on yourself."

On the other side of me Jax shook with laughter.


	21. Chapter 21

After heading home to shower and change, I finally got Chibs to drink some orange juice.

"You're right. It does help." He said as he placed his glass in the sink.

"I'm always right. When are you gonna learn that?" I laughed as I pulled his glass out of the sink and put it in the dishwasher.

"It's a strange thing, watching you, doing your normal day to day, wearing that cut." He came up behind me as I poured dishwashing liquid in the dishwasher and shut the door to turn it on. "Is it gay that I want to hit you from behind while you're wearing that? Cause it feels kinda gay."

I laughed and spun around, slapping at his grabby hands. "No, it's not gay. It means you're secretly in love with yourself."

"I am? Well then, can I make love to myself before work?"

"I don't think 'hitting me from behind' qualifies as making love to me, Chibs."

"Who said anything about you? This is about me, remember?" He laughed and tried to plant a kiss on my lips.

"Hey baby, umm. What was the last thing you remember about last night?"

He hung his head and thought for a second. "Passing out in the hallway."

"And I was in your lap? That's why I woke up across you?"

"Yeah, you were in my lap." He placed a comforting hand on my neck.

"Chibs, what were we doing?"

"Talking. We were talking."

"About what?" I gave him a questioning look, asking him to cut to the chase.

"Oh you know, about your dad, and you being a prospect now. All of that."

"Was I crying?"

He just pursed his lips and didn't answer me.

"Shit. I was, I was crying. Did I break down? Did anyone see me? Did-"

"No, calm down. No one saw you but me and Jax, and you didn't break down you just got a little emotional is all."

"Chibs, I cried. Where people could see me. People I don't want to break down in front of. God I probably looked like a complete idiot. I'm so embarrassed."

"No. I swear. No one saw you. I didn't see another soul in that hallway but the three of us."

"Well then how did Jax see me? Why was he there?"

"Okay. We were at the bar, the three of us. Most everyone was passed out at that point, you mumbled something about your dad and walked back there. We followed you, you said you missed him and wished he was here to see this day and share it with you. You and Jax talked a bit about the old days when he was here and what he'd say if he saw the club now-"

My head shot up. Oh God what did we say in front of him? What kind of questions did he have?

"-then you both got kind of quiet, and I'm not gonna ask about what went unsaid, if I needed to know, then I would know. Right?"

"R-right." Shit. I wasn't going to be able to hide these things from him much longer. He might say he doesn't need to know now, but after awhile not knowing was going to wear on him. I knew him to well. One day, something would happen, he would break, and I would have to spill or risk our relationship. But wasn't that part of the deal? I was part of the club now, and if I needed to hide something to protect the club, and it made my life a little uncomfortable, then that's what it took, right? But really, how much harm would it do for Chibs to know what Clay had done. As long as he could hide it along with the rest of us, then what would it hurt? But Chibs was hot headed, not level headed like Jax and I. He would have a hard time keeping this under wraps when his anger at Clay boiled over. If he said the wrong thing around Clay, his life could be in danger. Clay would go to any length to keep his secret contained from the club. It was best Chibs didn't know after all.

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"JAX! Wait! Wait! Just calm down for a second, please. Just wait a minute-"

Jax spun around to face me. "Do NOT tell me to calm down right now. He is undermining my _every_ move. I can't do anything that's good enough for him. He fights me tooth and nail, on _everything. _If anyone else was running CaraCara, he wouldn't care, but no, because it's _mine, _he has to try to destroy it with everything he has. I don't know what to do anymore Ace. He's tearing this club apart, he's making me look like the asshole who's the one tearing it apart, I just don't know what the fuck to do anymore!"

Jax and Clay had just gotten into a very heated argument about CaraCara. Clay wanted it shut down, and Jax thought it was just because Clay hated him. "Jax, listen to me._ Look_ at me. He may really just hate porn that much. And _listen_ to me, yes, he's undermining your every move, but guess what, you're doing the _exact_ same thing to him. Yes, yes, you are-" I said as he shot me a look. "And you bring up Donna almost every chance you get. You have _got_ to stop acting like this. You are _not_ gonna get these guys on your side if you keep acting like the hothead that has daddy and power issues. I know none of that is your problem, but that's what people are starting to think. If you love this club, if you want what's _best _for this club, then you have _got_ to reevaluate your stance on this."

"It's getting hard to overlook some things. I'm having a hard time seeing it as worth it. I'm running out of rope, he's pushing for me to be gone, and he just might get it."

"Jax, no. Are you serious?" I tried to grab his arm as he moved away.

"This isn't dads club anymore, Ace. We don't know who we are anymore…and I don't know if I can bring what we're supposed to be back." He had calmed down some, but now he looked more hopeless than angry. "I gotta go."

I just watched as he sped away on his bike, feeling as hopeless as ever. I couldn't fix this one. Of all the fights between Clay and Jax, I couldn't fix this one. It was too big. I suddenly remembered my conversation with Opie the other night. He had hoped I could do something from the inside about this beef between Jax and Clay. He was up for a disappointment.

I turned to see Clay walk out of the clubhouse and come towards me. As he neared me, he paused to whisper a threatening word in my ear. "Don't forget, sweetheart, he may be your sponsor, but I'm your president. You answer to _me._"

It took all my strength and the thought of his retaliation not to answer, _'for now.' _Clay continued past me, heading for the garage. I waited a few seconds to regain my composure before turning and heading for the garage myself. Everyone in the garage with a cut on was looking at me. I ignored everyone but Juice, who was staring at me from the corner of his eye as he stalled in front of the engine he was pretending to work on.

I walked over to the car. "What's wrong with it?"

"Oh, uh, needs a new starter." Juice replied, looking to the car then back at me.

"Can I help?" I looked at the car, he had only begun to take the old one out. I needed something to keep me busy. I didn't want to think about the things Jax had said. Would he really leave the club? Why did I get everything I ever wanted then have it all fall apart the next day. I was right, there _was_ a limit to how much happiness a person could have.

After we finished replacing the starter in the Oldsmobile, and my mind still wasn't at ease, I looked around for something else to do. When I found nothing, I walked into the office to see if mom had any repo's ready.

"Hey sweetie, you okay?" Mom asked from over the papers she held in her hand.

"Yeah. Got any repo's?"

"Well, aren't you talkative today." She looked skeptical at my being okay, but she reached across her desk and grabbed the repo sheet.

I just pulled my hat off the hat rack and put it on before shaking my head at her and looking down at the floor.

"God, you put that cut on and you turn into Jax. I never quite know what's going on in his head, and now you're gonna be the same way."

I met her gaze but stayed silent.

"Here." She held out the paperwork to me. I took it and walked out the door before she started again.

"Sack, you busy?" I held the papers up for him to see.

He shot a look at Chibs who just shrugged at him. "Nope." He said as he got up and headed towards the truck.

Once we were in the truck and driving out of the lot Sack turned towards me. "You're gonna get me in trouble, ya know?"

"How's that?" I asked as I propped my feet up on the dash.

"Asking me to go and not Chibs? In _front_ of Chibs? He might start thinking something's going on between us." He was trying to get my mind off the situation with Jax and Clay, and that was exactly why I had asked him to come and not Chibs.

"If Chibs was in this truck, he would try to console me…tell me everything's gonna be okay. He would do everything but try to distract me. And that's exactly what I need right now." I stared straight ahead as I spoke.

"You're still gonna get me in trouble." Sack laughed, but it was forced. God, I was being selfish by asking him to cheer me up. I wasn't his problem, and I had thrown myself on him.

"I'm sorry, Sack. I just mean…I need anything but comforting. You don't have to distract me."

"Good. By the _way_, you owe me twenty bucks." He held out his hand in the same fashion he had yesterday.

"For what exactly?" I was pretty sure, but we needed to be clear on why money was changing hands.

"Last night. You went over the table to go after that chick. And that's not even what it's really about. Bobby made her get up because she pissed you off, if she had pissed _me_ off, he would have laughed. Unless of course he had been just as mad at her, which he wasn't, only you were."

"Sack, she insulted me, and by extension, the club. He should have been_ irritated_ at the least."

"He was, just not enough to make her get off his lap. Come on, fairs fair, cough it up."

I reached in my back pocket and pulled out a twenty, but before I handed it to him I went searching for a pen in the glove box.

"What are you doing? Do not defame my money. Hey, you know that's illegal, right?"

I shot him an incredulous look. "Are you serious? You're worried about illegal _now_?"

"Okay, you have a point."

"Shut up and drive." On the front of the bill along the top edge I wrote in bold letters, "I stole this from my sister." On the bottom I wrote, "What kind of scumbag steals from their sister?" I turned it over then and filled the back in with "Soy un perdedor" on the top, and "I'm a loser" on the bottom. I made sure the writing was nice and visible to any cashier he would be handing it too, then put the pen up and handed the twenty to Sack.

"Oh no. You gotta be kidding me! You expect me to use this now?" He laughed as he read what I had written.

"It's still usable! It might be embarrassing to use, but it's still _usable_. And anyway, we agreed on twenty bucks, it was mum on the condition in which that twenty was supposed to be in."

"Okay, Captain Ace Teller," He said, referring to the movie line I had stolen, "I gotcha, I see how you're gonna be."

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"Seriously Bobby?" My shoulders slumped as Bobby shook out a trash bag and handed it to me.

"It was your party, prospect, you clean the mess up." He laughed and finished his beer before crumpling the can and dropping it on the floor. "Have fun!" He shouted before the clubhouse door shut behind him.

Why hadn't I expected this? But the thought had never even crossed my mind last night. I began picking up beer bottles and cans and _thongs_? I grabbed a paper towel to pick the red thong up, then shot it at Half-Sack across the bar. "Do something with this, prospect."

"Aagghh!"

I doubled up with laughter when it hit him in the head.

"You are _nasty!_" He shouted as he brushed through his hair where the underwear had hit. "There's no telling what was in those."

"I was last night." Tig laughed as he walked into the bar from the hallway.

Half-Sack looked like he puked in his mouth.

"Wait, that didn't sound right." Tig backtracked.

"Yeah, we knew what you meant." I laughed.

"No we didn't." Sack looked sick as he turned around and continued straightening up the room.


	22. Chapter 22

**AU: I messed with the timeline here…Chibs was still in the hospital at this point in the show, and getting out somewhere in the next episode. I definitely remember the hilarious scene between Half-Sack and Chibs in the van after they pick Chibs up from the hospital. But…I messed with the timeline to let Ace fit in with the story easily. It's been this way for the whole story, but it's pretty obvious here if you happen to remember that van scene where Sack tells Chibs what all's been going on and Chibs pulls a gun on Sack and tells him to, if I remember correctly, "Take a left." **

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Somewhere in the back of my mind I heard a phone ringing, but I shut it out of my mind before realizing it could be someone from the club that needed Chibs and I. I shot up out of the bed and started searching for the phone. It was Chib's cell. I stretched across him to reach the phone as he rolled over and started slapping his hand around on his nightstand. The caller ID read Bobby. I thought about answering the phone myself before I changed my mind and opened the phone and held it to Chib's ear.

"Yeah?" He said with his eyes still closed. I heard Bobby's voice coming from the phone, but I couldn't understand what he said. Chibs eyes shot open and he sat up and pushed me off of himself before lunging out of bed. "Right away." He said before hanging up the phone and pulling pants on.

I rolled out of bed and started doing the same. "What'd he say? What happened?" My mind started going ninety to nothing thinking of all the possibilities.

"I don't know. All he said was, 'CaraCara, now. Both of you.'" Chibs threw a shirt on then his cut and picked his gun up off the nightstand.

"Oh God." I threw on my cut, picked up my gun and followed Chibs out the door. As we entered the garage, I heard Jax's motorcycle roar up the street. If he wasn't already at the studio, then what had happened? At least I knew now that he was okay. Chibs had already hit the button beside the door to the kitchen that opened the garage door, so I ran over and hit the button again. It would give us thirty seconds to get out of the garage, then start shutting. We flew out of the garage and into the street, hurrying to catch up with Jax and get to CaraCara as soon as possible.

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"Oh my God." I watched as the firefighters fought to keep the billowing smoke at bay. There was nothing left of the studio but ash. Chibs and I walked up to Jax, who was staring at the rubble with an understanding and angry look.

"This was Clay." He shook his head in disgust and flicked his cigarette onto the pavement. He barely gave any acknowledgement that I was there. "I'm going Nomad." He walked away and left on his bike as fast as he had come.

I felt numb. I couldn't process his words. I was in shock, I had to be. I knew by the tone of his voice that there was no changing his mind. He was serious about this. The implications of that action were too hard to take in. Empty, frozen, and numb, were the only things I truly understood at that moment. I stared at the pavement, not really seeing it. I barely felt Chibs wrap his arms around me before I let the heavy weight off my now weak legs go.

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"Jax. Please don't do this. It's too dangerous for you to be out there by yourself. And you're my sponsor, what am I gonna do without a sponsor? You vouched for me, and now you're gonna leave me in the wind two days later?" I pleaded with Jax to change his mind about leaving his California charter. _Our_ California charter.

"Chibs can be your sponsor, you'll be fine, I wasn't the only one who stuck their neck out there for you. You don't really need one anyway, maybe they'll let Chibs have two prospects since you're a light load. If not, Bobby will do it, I'm sure. And I know it's dangerous, and it may be selfish to leave you two days later, but do you really think it's fair for you to ask me to stay, when you don't need me anyway, and Clay just took a dig at me _this_ big." He had a point.

"Jax we don't know for sure if it was Clay. And I _do_ need you. Can you just wait a little while until we get some more info on the fire? Don't be rash about this, please."

"You keep telling me not to be rash, and I've sat back and watched this go on for far too long. He wants me gone, and I don't want to be in a club that doesn't want me there."

"Clay isn't the whole club, Jax."

"Not the point." He was right again. It would be selfish for me to ask him to stay if Clay had burned down the studio.

"I'll go with you. You can be my sponsor as a nomad right?" I didn't want to leave Chibs, but my brother needed me most right now.

"No. You know it doesn't work like that."

"Well, maybe, and I hate playing this card, but maybe since we're who we are, we can pull some strings." I hated relying on my last name, but my legacy could come in handy sometimes.

"You are _not_ going with me. And _we_ can't pull strings in this situation, the club has to pull them for us. And you're not leaving Chibs here, I'm sorry, it's not gonna happen." He gave me an incredulous look.

"Don't look at me like that, if this was me, you would leave Tara and Able for awhile, and don't tell me it's different, because it's not, it's actually worse because you'd leave your kid. You _are_ leaving your kid."

"Don't try to make me feel guilty. I'm doing this. I've been thinking about it for awhile, and now my mind's made up."

"Just tell me this, if you've been thinking about this for awhile, then why did you agree to be my sponsor?" I took one last chance to make him feel guilty so he would change his mind about letting me go with him, but he saw right through it.

"You're _not_ going with me. _Drop it_." He was serious. His eyebrows couldn't be that close to his hair line without him being serious.

I let it go, deciding to go with a new tactic. "You gonna tell mom?"

"Shit." His shoulders slumped forward. "Yeah_. _I am. _You're not_. Don't get any ideas about double teaming me. Look at me, this needs to come from _me_. And at least not from you, because then she'll think you came to her to get her to fix it. I don't need her after me about this." His tone spoke authority, and he was still my VP for the moment.

"Fine." I turned around and marched out of the house, slamming the door behind me. I immediately felt bad for making this harder on him. I understood where he was coming from, and the part of me that longed for what made him happy was at war with the part of me that longed for what was best for him. I wasn't even sure anymore which side was which.

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"You talk to him?" Chibs asked from his seat at the bar.

"Yeah. No change. If this is really what he wants then I guess we need to give it to him." Just saying those words aloud stung to the core. I stood behind the bar, my favorite place to be today. Too bad that when I wanted desperately to not feel anything I couldn't get drunk, no matter how much I drank. I guess I had a built in defense system that kept me from ever becoming an alcoholic. I poured another drink for Chibs and Bobby then went around the bar and settled into a stool before laying my head in my arms on the bar.

"Do you _really_ think it was Clay?" Bobby asked from the other side of Chibs.

"God, I don't know." I sat up then, I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I got up and walked out of the clubhouse and headed for the garage.

Sack met me in the middle of the lot. "Hey Ace, I know this isn't the best time, but this belongs to you. I didn't want to forget about it." He handed me a crisp twenty-dollar bill with writing along the top and bottom of both the front and back. It said, 'Property of my brother', 'Do not accept'. 'It's blood money', 'Savvy?' "It's for when Bobby made you clean up the bar, then went a little further and threw his beer can on the floor right in front of you. That was pretty shitty. Funny, but shitty. It was just like something they'd do to me."

"Yeah, that counts. I had forgotten about it." I took the twenty and folded it into my pocket.

"That's what I'm here for."

I looked towards the garage, trying to find something to keep me busy.

Sack saw where my eyes led and knew what I needed. "Come on, I'm putting a new fuel gage on my bike. Wanna help?"

"Definitely." I was intent on keeping myself busy until the time came for the guys to discuss Jax's future. I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't even want to think about it, but that wasn't as easy to control. Part of me hoped they wouldn't let him go, another part of me hoped they would, because it was what he wanted. Sometimes the things I wanted and the things Jax wanted got twisted around in my head. Maybe a part of _him_ hoped they wouldn't let him go, or maybe that was just me.

The day was a slow one. Most everyone was as quiet and uncomfortable as I was. The normal lighthearted jokes and laughs never appeared, even though I desperately wished they would. I just didn't have the heart to start any banter myself, and I guess no one else did either. The tension between Clay and Jax could have been cut with a plastic spoon. I had tried to help, and I couldn't. I felt helpless, like I had no control. I had done what I could, and the rest was left up to the full patch holders. Tonight they would decide whether or not Jax would go Nomad, and I would have no say in the matter. As much as it hurt me to see Jax leave, I knew that if a step wasn't taken towards resolving this issue between Clay and Jax soon, one of them was going to kill the other.

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**I hope everyone is enjoying these chapters. We're getting into the real nitty-gritty of the story now, and we'll have to see how Ace handles everything that happens. Let me know people! Reviews make my day!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Always remember…reviews are a miracle cure for writers block. **

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"This is taking forever." Half-Sack and I were sitting at a table outside of the chapel. I didn't reply to his comment. I knew what was going on in there. Since it had taken this long, they were actually thinking about letting him go. If they had said no from the beginning, they wouldn't have been in there that long. There wouldn't have been that much to discuss. If they let him go, they would have to discuss what to do with me as well. I would need a sponsor if I was still going to be a prospect. Jax had been accepted into the Nomad charter already, all that was left was for the California charter to decide to release him. I knew that as soon as those doors opened, my life would be in shambles. I would lose my brother to the road, and possibly to any enemies that might be on that lonesome road. Maybe I would be able to go with him, become a Nomad myself. My heart broke when I thought about what Chibs would look like when he realized I would actually leave him for my brother. I remembered the promise I had made him about not leaving him ever again. I was tearing apart from the inside out, heart first. Maybe I could talk Chibs into going Nomad as well, but Clay would never allow that many members to leave. The club would be vulnerable if we took that many members away.

"Hey. Talk to me." Sack kicked me under the table. He sat back with his arms crossed over his chest directly across from me.

I sat up and mirrored his pose. "I don't know what to say, Kip." I knew that my distress was showing clearly on my face.

"Ash, it's gonna be okay. I know you don't like hearing that all the time, but…I also know you haven't heard it much today, if at all. It's gonna work out, you have to have faith that it'll all work out."

"I don't see how." I slumped forward on the table again, planning to lay my head back down.

Before I got halfway there Sack kicked me again. "Sit up. This isn't you…you don't just fall apart when something doesn't go your way. You're stronger than that. Now stop acting like a little girl and sit the fuck up."

"Yes_ sir_." I forcefully sat back against the chair and gave Sack a dirty look.

The doors to the chapel opened and Jax came striding out. My eyes narrowed in on his cut where the Vice President and Redwood Original patches were missing. He gave me a solemn look before walking over to me and planting a kiss on top of my head. "I love you." He whispered.

He was a Nomad now.

My heart fell to the floor and I felt cold and vulnerable. I sat there, numb to everything around me. I heard their familiar voices behind me, but none of them were who I wanted to hear. That person was gone.

Nomad. I suddenly hated the word with all that was in me. I looked back into the hallway at my dad's old bike. When did this all start falling apart? When he died? When Donna died? I couldn't tell the difference anymore. As far as I was concerned, Clay had killed them both. I sat there for what felt like an eternity until someone put a hand on my shoulder. It was warm and soft. My mother's gentle hand.

She pulled a chair up in front of mine and put a hand on each side of my face. "Baby." She said, her eyes searching for some connection in mine, something that told her I was paying attention. "I'm going to fix this."

I barely gave any acknowledgement to her words, but she continued nonetheless. "Now you go home, and get some rest. Jax is gonna need you in a few hours. Come on, go home." She turned to Chibs then. "Take her home."

"Yes ma'am." Chibs ushered me out of my seat and out the door. Once outside he pulled me onto his bike instead of letting me get on my own. I wrapped my arms around him, laid my head against his chest and shut my eyes until we pulled into the driveway of our home.

I looked across the street at Jax's. It was devoid of both his motorcycle and Tara's car. I let myself in the house as Chibs backed his bike into the garage. I headed straight for the bedroom, but instead of crashing on the bed, I fell onto the sofa on the other side of the room, nabbing the remote from the coffee table on the way down. I turned the TV on to the news, something I rarely did. I guess I wanted to hear that someone else's life was going worse than mine.

The weather was on. Great. I watched the weatherman show a forecast of sunny days for the next week, and the last thing I remember was him delving into the average temperatures for this time of year.

My phone went off, waking me from my restless sleep. I sat up, searching for the elusive object that ended up being in my jeans pocket. "Hello?"

It was Tara. "Hey, can you come over here?" I listened to her quiet voice fade as she sighed heavily. "Gemma told Clay and Jax everything about the rape. He changed his mind, he's staying to fight. He's not going Nomad. I think he needs you."

"Has he asked for me?"

"No, but, he really hasn't said anything since we've been here. I don't know what to say to him."

"I'll be right over." I hung up the phone and looked up at Chibs. He had settled in beside me on the couch while I was asleep and had taken over the remote.

He was watching me intently with a worried look in his eyes. "What wrong? Is somebody hurt?"

"No. At least not physically." I sat up and brushed my fingers through the tangled mess of my hair.

"Then why did you say, 'has he asked for me?'. You made it sound like someone was in the hospital."

"No. It's just Jax. He changed his mind. Tara thinks he needs someone to talk to."

Chibs sat up suddenly then. "He's changed his mind? He's staying?" His voice lifted with relief and happiness. "Then why do you still seem upset? You should be happy."

"Because, we have a long hard road in front of us, and I have a bad feeling about all of it. And because I'm not looking forward to this conversation. And because the reason he's staying isn't a joyous one. It's hard to be excited that he's staying when you think about why." I stood then, not really wanting to have this conversation either.

Chibs gently grabbed me by the waist and held me in front of him. "Why is he staying? What don't I know, love?"

I sat down on the coffee table in front of him. "Well, I guess you're gonna find out tomorrow anyway, so it's okay if I tell you."

"Tell me what?" His voice mirrored the worry on his face.

"You remember that night Zobelle's men broke in here, and they said since we didn't listen the first time, they'd try going after me?"

"Yeah." His face showed his confusion.

"They weren't talking about blowing the van up. You remember that night mom ran into that barricade?"

"Yeah, the night of Bobby's party. The first night….the first night we saw Zobelle." His face was already lit with anger, even though he had no idea what was coming next. "Why?" He asked, his voice irritated.

"She didn't run into the barricade. Three of Zobelle's men, one of them was Weston, took her out to an old abandoned utility shed in the middle of nowhere. They raped her. All three of them."

"What?" He looked like he had stopped breathing until he yelled and threw the remote up against the far wall in a sudden rage. "Goddammit!"

Before continuing I looked over at the wall where the remote had hit and surveyed the damage he had done. The wall didn't look that bad, but the remote lay in pieces on the floor. "She never said anything because that was what Zobelle had wanted her to do. But now that she might lose her son, she decided to speak up. We all know Jax isn't going anywhere when we have business like this to take care of."

"Aye. I understand. Go on over there, he needs you right now."

"Baby-"

"Go." He ushered me out of the bedroom. "Go on. Wait, I'm walking you over there."

"Baby, please stay here, don't do anything stupid." I pleaded with him to stay put.

"What do you think I'm gonna do? Go kill the man in his sleep?" He gave me a disbelieving look.

"You might _try_. You never know with you. Just promise me that you'll walk me over there and come straight home. Promise." If he promised something, he didn't go back on it. A promise was very sacred to him.

"I promise, I'll come back over here, and I won't leave the house."

"Or make any phone calls. You can't tell anyone. Not yet."

"It's not my place to tell anyone. I won't call anyone, I won't tell anyone. I'll sit here and stew until you come back. I _promise_." He added the last bit when he could tell I didn't believe him.

"Okay. Let's go." The short walk across the street was a quiet one. The neighborhood was calm at this late hour.

"Hey, baby, it's gonna be okay, just calm down. Try to get some sleep, I might be over here for awhile. And…try not to break anything else, please." I pleaded with Chibs one last time.

"I'm fine, I'm just angry. And scared because they were planning on doing the same thing to you, and that makes it that much worse." He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. "I love you, and the_ thought_ of someone…" His face turned red with anger once again as he stopped his sentence short.

"I'm fine, and everything's going to be okay. Just…drink a beer or two and watch some TV. I'll be home as soon as I can. I love you." I kissed him sweetly, hoping to erase some of his tension. It worked as long as his lips were attached to mine, but as soon as I broke away I could feel the tension fill his body again.

"I love you too. See you in a bit." He gave me one last kiss and turned to walk back home. I stood in my spot until he made it to the door of our house and turned to wave at me to go on in. I knocked on the door, and Tara quickly came to it. Chibs still hadn't gone inside. I walked in Jax's house, then stuck my head out of the door one last time to see if Chibs had gone inside. I caught him mid-action walking through the door. I wasn't just paranoid that he was going to do something stupid, I was paranoid that something was going to happen to him. Scared that some big goon was going to jump out of the trash can and tackle Chibs to the floor before duct taping him up and kidnapping him. Why would I be so scared something slightly irrational would happen? Because love makes you do weird things, makes you think weird things. I wasn't as scared of losing him as not being able to get him back. The thought of never seeing him again stopped me cold in my tracks and made my brain freeze over. That's what true love does. It incapacitates you.

"You okay?" Tara asked as she shut the door behind me.

"Yeah. Where is he?" I looked around for my brother who was nowhere in sight.

"The kitchen. He's sowing his patches back on. He's not mad that I knew already, by the way." Tara said as I took off for the kitchen.

"He shouldn't be. You did the right thing." I smiled wearily at her before disappearing into the other room. As she had said, Jax was sitting at the kitchen table, almost done sowing his patches back on.

"Hey sis." He glanced up for a split second before returning to his work.

I took a seat at the table and looked down at the now crooked patches. I almost asked if he wanted me to redo them for him, or at least Tara since I probably could have done no better than him, but the symbolism of those damaged patches stopped me. Jax had been through so much, he had tried to leave when he couldn't take it anymore, and now he was back, although a tattered existence it might be. Those patches reminded me of the way Jax's situation was right now. They would always be there, obviously poorly re-sown, as a reminder that there is always something worth fighting for.

"Did you know?" Jax pulled the excess string up to tear it with his teeth.

I sighed heavily before answering. "Yeah. I knew."

"You knew when? When did you find out?"

"Umm, not long after it happened."

"Jesus Christ. I didn't think you could keep something like that from me for this long."

"I'm sorry. I understood where she was coming from…it was best, at the time."

"Well, we still don't know enough about Zobelle as I'd like, but, we do know more now than we knew then. And he expected an assault _then,_ not now. He's probably cooling his heels right now, thinking of some other way to piss us off."

"Jax, what are we gonna do?"

"As much as I'd like to get bloody, we need to take a step back from this, figure out the best way to handle it, but…eventually, I want their heads on a pike. We're gonna need more muscle, I don't think we can do this by ourselves. Weston's got a lot of muscle behind him. What we really need, is to unravel them from the inside out, find some kind of dirt, there's gotta be something we can use. I just don't know if Clay's gonna go for that approach."

"You never know."

"Ace, how am I supposed to handle this? I just don't know what to do anymore…how to keep my family safe. How do you think mom's doin? I'm not a woman…I can't even begin to understand what she's going through."

"She'll be fine. She's strong. Just…let her know that nothing's changed about our love for her. I'm sure she feels…vulnerable right now."

"I'm doing my best to protect her."

"Not like that. She probably feels vulnerable in front of her family. Thinks we'll look at her differently now."

Just then a knock sounded at the front door. Jax and I exchanged looks before grabbing our guns and heading for the door.

Jax cautiously opened the door. "Clay. Come in."

Clay stepped in the door and nodded at me. "Hey sweetheart."

Oh, so now he wanted to play daddy again. "Clay." I nodded at the man before me. "Do you think I should go see mom?"

"I don't know, sugar, she took some kinda pill and passed out. Don't think she wants to see anybody really."

I wasn't so sure about that, she needed to feel like she was still loved, still cared for, and still wanted, but I couldn't do a thing about that last one. I just nodded my goodbyes at Clay and Jax. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Clay's voice sounded behind me as I headed for the door. "Meeting tomorrow. Bright and early. You and Sack can sit in on this one. Let Chibs know."

I turned around to face him before replying. "Yes sir."

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Later that night I threw my cut over the bedpost on my side and curled up under the covers with Chibs. "Just hold me. I want to feel like something in this world is still right."

"Come here." He scooted closer to me and pulled the blankets further up over us. He kissed me sweetly on my forehead. "It's gonna be okay."

"I've just been so angry at these assholes for so long now, and haven't been able to do anything about it. I had nearly resigned myself to never being able to get justice. Now that we can, I'm just scared someone's gonna get hurt. I guess it's gonna take me a day or two to get angry about this again. I've been through too much today, I'll probably wake up ready to rip Zobbel's head off in the morning."

"Good. You're gonna need that anger." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tighter to his chest.

"By the way, meeting tomorrow morning." I said on a yawn.

"Yeah, I figured." He said sleepily, catching my contagious yawn. "Love you."

"I lul you." Was all I could manage as I drifted into a deep but nightmare filled sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

**AU: Just realized that I have been spelling Zobelle's name wrong, and in one chapter I referred to Otto Delaney as Little Otto, when he is in fact, Big Otto. Sorry for screwing that up…**

**Remember: Reviews are a miracle cure for writers block. And I think I'm coming down with a severe case…*cough cough***

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I had gone two days without having a nightmare about Japan, but the recollection came back with a vengeance last night. It also brought friends from Zobelle's crew along with it, making it one of the most twisted dreams- wait, nightmares, I had ever had. First, Zobelle had sauntered in front of me while I sat trying to cut the ropes that bound my hands. He taunted me about Endo's death, then yelled for Weston, who drug my mother in and tied her up to a tree before raping her. She screamed for my help as Zobelle laughed and watched on. I struggled with the ropes so fiercely that my wrists started bleeding. No matter how much I cut at the ropes, I couldn't get free. I had to sit and watch my mother's face scream in agony as she begged for my help and cried for me to do something instead of just sitting there watching, leaving her to her fate. "Baby please, help me…" Her voice faded as she grew weaker and weaker and finally gave up on me. For some reason, I couldn't cry. I tried so hard to cry, but all I could do was fill up with more and more anger as the nightmare raged on. That anger propelled me out of bed and through my daily routine the next morning. All I could think about was revenge on Zobelle and Weston. My rampant imagination continuously came up with painful ways for them to die. The most humane way being sneaking into their bedrooms and slitting their throats while watching their scared eyes plead for mercy as they felt the swift pain of death.

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"You have any idea what this is about?" Sack asked as we killed time around the bar, waiting for the meeting to start.

"Why would I?" I didn't want to get into it before the meeting. He had to wait to find out through Clay and Jax, so talking about it now was a no-no. Besides, I had already had to tell the story once, I didn't want to have to do it again.

"Beeecause _your_ brother is back with his patches back on. I would assume you knew something."

"Just wait till the meeting." I broke eye contact to signal that the conversation was over.

"What's up _your_ ass? You should be happy right now."

"You'll see."

"Hey" Jax called across the room at me. He nodded his head in the direction of the chapel once I had caught his eye. "Let's get this over with."

I casually walked into the room behind Tig and Bobby. I settled into a seat against the wall beside Sack and watched as the rest of the guys filed in and took their seat.

I was sitting behind Jax, and I was directly across from Chibs on the opposite side of the table. He nodded at me solemnly as everyone got settled. It was my first time being in a meeting in the chapel since I had become a prospect.

It should have been a happier affair.

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"So what do we do now?"

"We get bloody, and we chop their goddamn heads off." Chibs angrily shouted from across the room.

A chorus of agreement went up around me. I could feel the tension coming off of Sack in the chair beside me. He had been that way since Clay had explained what happened to mom.

"No. We have to be smart about this. Zobelle is not a gangster, there are different rules of play in this situation, and we don't know what they are. If we make the wrong move, all of us could end up in jail again. Especially since we're still dealing with those assault charges. We need to do what he's been doing to us. Find his weak spots, he's been doing that to us all along. Mom, Ace, our guns, the drugs. He hasn't made a show of direct force yet. That's the only way we ever fight, and we need to learn to be as underhanded as he's been." Jax pleaded with everyone to calm down and think about the situation rationally.

"Hasn't made a direct show of force? What about breaking into Chib's house?" Juice asked, his eyebrows raised.

Jax sighed before continuing. "To kidnap Ace. To go after our women, since she was, at the time, one of our women, and not one of us. The only difference between what they tried to do to her, and what they did to Gemma is that Chibs was there at the time, while Clay wasn't with mom."

Clay hung his head in regret at Jax's words. This news was killing him. He and mom had fought viscously after the rape. He had said things he now regretted. I could see it in the way he held his shoulders if by nothing else.

"So we go after their women." Tig broke the uncomfortable silence.

"There's no need for that. But we need to unravel them. This isn't going to be instant gratification, just so everybody's clear." Jax made eye contact with a few members to make his point when Clay spoke up.

"He's right. We wait. See what we can find out. And if any of you, see Zobelle, Weston, or any of their men, you squash that urge to kill them, and you walk the other way. Understood?" Clay's voice was full of anger and pain. I felt sorry for him, my anger at his sudden reappearing daddy act from last night fading. He was hurting because someone had caused one of his loved ones serious pain. I wasn't sure who to be more sorry for, Opie or Clay. Was it better to be alive, and gang raped, than to be dead like Donna?

"We need to get our hands on some guns." Bobby spoke up. "We don't have enough left over from the Irish."

"Yes. Everybody bring in your personal stock. You're all dismissed." Clay stayed in the same spot while everyone got up and left the room. I stalled for a few seconds, not sure what to do or where to go after leaving the room. This kind of news can make even the closest friends not sure what to say to each other. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to be around anyone else. I finally got up when Sack tapped me on the shoulder and motioned for me to stand.

Almost everyone was out before I reached the double doors, but Clay's voice stopped me short. "Close the door."

I paused, knowing there was no one else in the room he could be talking to. I caught Chibs eye and nodded that I was okay before shutting the door.

I stayed facing the door until Clay spoke. "Take a seat."

Not sure where to sit, I walked up behind Chib's chair and placed my hand on the back.

"That's fine." Clay wasn't looking at me, choosing instead to focus on an area of the floor.

I took the seat he had offered slowly, not sure what was coming next. I folded my hands on the table and waited in silence for Clay to speak.

He waited a good thirty seconds before beginning. "I'm sorry for what I let them do to your mother. I should have been there to protect her, but I wasn't. And now, I've got to fix it. This thing…I know you and your brother have issues with me, and I understand that, I do. But right now, this club has bigger issues. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I need your support in this. Not just as a step-daughter, but as a prospect. You may be just a prospect…but these guys do listen to you. You've got that Teller charm and persuasiveness. It's one of the things that made your father such a great leader. When he spoke, people listened. I see a lot of him in you, as does everyone else, and I think that's the main reason you were accepted so easily as a part of this club. Please, don't fight me on this thing with Zobelle. Jax and I are on the same page for now, and I'm assuming that you're gonna be on whatever page he's on most of the time, but I just want to make sure. I'm gonna fix this, for you, for Jax, for me, and most importantly, for Gemma. We're gonna do this the right way this time. For everybody. Understood?" He finally looked up at me on the last word.

"What exactly do you want me to do?" I kept my head bowed, memorizing the beautiful reaper's face that was carved into the table.

"Keep tabs on everybody; just make sure they all stay calm. Basically, pep talk them into doing nothing about this. I know that sounds backwards, but right now, that's the best course of action. And with it being your mother and all, if they see you keep yourself in check when you pass Weston himself on the sidewalk, then they'll follow suit. We need their support on this, their help, and I need you to lead by example. If you act like the way we're handling this is kosher, then they'll feel better about it."

"I think they can control themselves, and I think they understand why it's being handled thoughtfully instead of forcefully. I agree with Jax's plan, and I will lead by example, regardless. But it does help control my angry reflex against Zobelle and Weston when I have strict orders not to touch them."

"And you do have strict orders not to." Clay sighed before continuing. "Thank you. Now go get your guns and bring them back here."

I nodded before getting up to walk out of the room.

"Be careful." Clay spoke to my back.

I left the chapel but shut the door behind me, since Clay hadn't made to move out of his chair yet. I figured he wanted be alone with his thoughts at the moment, so I gave him his privacy from the rest of the club.

I headed outside to my bike. I needed to go get all of the guns Chibs and I owned and bring them to the clubhouse. My eyes wandered around the lot, searching for Chibs. I saw him standing over by one of the vans on his cell phone.

I walked over to him. "Hey baby, I'm gonna head to the house, get our guns."

"Alright. I've got some guns over at my place I need to get." He seemed distracted.

"Okay. I'll see you in bit." I suddenly wondered what the phone call had been about. "Are you okay baby?"

"What? Yeah. I'm gonna get goin. Be back soon." He gave me a quick peck on the cheek before turning around and walking away.

Before I could even begin to process his actions, he whipped around and walked back to me, grabbing me by the small of my back and pulling me close to him before pressing his lips to mine in a fierce kiss. "I love you." He said as he leaned back and placed a loving hand on my neck. "Always know that."

I watched as he left the lot, too confused to fully register what had just happened. I walked to my bike, ready to leave and get back so that I could question Chibs about his worrying behavior. What the hell was going on with him?

"Hey?" Jax said as I made it to my bike. "You headed to your house?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah. We can ride together. Hey, where'd Chibs go?" Jax nodded towards the exit of the lot.

"Umm, his old place, he still has some guns over there he's gonna bring I guess." I said as I swung my leg over my bike and settled in.

"What are you not telling me?" Jax fixed me with a curious look.

"Nothing. I just thought we had moved all his guns out of there. Guess he had some hidden." I cranked my bike up. "Let's go."

Jax knew I was hiding something, but didn't push it. "Yeah, let's go." He said as he pulled out of his parking spot and left me to fall in behind him.


	25. Chapter 25

I pulled into the driveway of my house and parked, glancing across the street at Jax who was doing the same thing. He looked over at me and nodded before walking in the side door of his house. I let myself in my front door, not wanting to have to open the garage door to go in that way. I started going through my house, searching the hidden spots for our spare guns. The shotgun under the couch, the .45 in a kitchen drawer, the Mac 11 between the bed and the nightstand, and a few more spread out throughout the house. I then went to the closet in the hallway to find the ammo to the guns, and also get the old revolver my mom had given me on my 25th birthday. Receiving a gun for mine and Jax's birthday tended to be a regular occurrence, and was one I always welcomed. My favorite gun, my Beretta 9 mm, was given to me on our twenty first birthday. My mother and Clay gave both Jax and I a gun, as well as money in our cards to go get our permits. It was one of the first things we did that day. Not that we hadn't had guns before, especially Jax, but we had had to be more careful of getting otherwise legal guns caught on us because we weren't even old enough to have a pistol permit. Gun charges could follow you around for a long time.

I found a bag to fit all the guns in then headed back out to my bike. As I secured the guns, I noticed Jax wasn't outside yet, so I perched on my bike, waiting on him instead of leaving by myself. I lit a cigarette and started worrying again about the way Chibs had acted. It seemed like he had given me a goodbye kiss. You know, the kind of kiss you give when you're not sure you're gonna come back from where you're going. But what could he be doing? I had no delusions that Chibs had gone somewhere other than his old house, but had no idea where he could have gone. I was worried about him. Worried like I might not ever get to see him again. Worried that he was somewhere doing something stupid. Worried that he was getting himself into a huge mess right now, and if he had just asked for my help…

All of my questions were unanswered though. I couldn't think of anything he could be doing that would make him kiss me like that. Clay had ordered us to all stay away from Zobelle, so it couldn't be that. Could it?

"Hey!" Jax yelled from across the street.

His yell had startled me; I hadn't seen him come outside. I had been too busy staring at the concrete of my driveway worrying about Chibs.

Jax meandered over the street and stopped in front of me. "What's going on. No more secrets, okay? You should be able to tell me anything and everything, no matter what."

I kept my eyes trained on the ground, not answering.

"Hey." Jax lightly kicked my foot. "Now."

I sighed before looking up into those light blue eyes that matched mine. "I think Chibs is doing something stupid."

"Like bad stupid? Really stupid?"

"Yeah."

"You call him?"

"Yeah, he turned his phone off, which scares the shit out of me."

"Well, let's get these guns back to the clubhouse, you've got a sawed off in there right?" Jax asked, nodding at the bag of guns.

"Yeah." Sawed off shot guns were illegal, especially one that short, and you didn't want to get caught with one.

"Then let's get them back to the clubhouse, then we'll figure out where Chibs is. Maybe drive out to his old place first." Jax flicked his cigarette into the street as he crossed back over to his house.

I cranked my bike and followed him up the street, anxious to get rid of the guns so I could go find Chibs.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO**

_Oh shit. _As Jax and I pulled back into the lot I noticed Opie with his hands at Tig's throat. It looks like the cat's out of the bag. Or in this case, the snake's out of the bag. Opie had roared out of the parking lot by the time I caught up to Jax standing there shocked along with Bobby, Clay, Piney, and Tig. Bobby's face was incredulous as he stared at Clay.

"I told him who really killed Donna, he knows it was Stahl." Tig looked like he had lost his mind. I guess he just couldn't handle the pressure anymore. At least now I knew he deeply regretted what happened.

"He's going after Stahl."

"Shit." Jax shot me a worried look.

Guess I was looking for Chibs on my own. "Go. I'll handle it."

He took off behind Opie. Hopefully Jax could find him before he did something that landed himself in prison for a very long time. I grabbed the bag of guns of off Jax's bike and took my own bag and headed for the clubhouse. I dropped the guns in the weight room without bothering to take them out of the bags, then headed back out to my bike.

I headed over to Chibs old place first. It was a small house out on the edge of town, so the drive took longer than I wanted it to. When I got there, his bike was nowhere in sight, but I hadn't really expected anything less. I walked up on the porch and let myself in with the key I'd had for years. The place was just as we had left it when moving his stuff out. I looked around for anywhere he might have hidden a gun, but when my search yielded nothing, I pulled my phone out and called him again. It was still off. "Damn it, Chibs. Where are you?"

I hung up and called Jax. "Hey, you find Opie?"

"No, but Hale said he would call Stahl and warn her that Opie was coming after her."

"Why do you sound weird? What are you doing?"

"Sitting outside Alvarez's shop, glad you have a thing for high priced cameras."

"Why?"

"Because Weston's not going to want to believe that his boss was here, pictures are really going to help with that." Jax breathed into the phone. He sounded excited, just as he should be. This was something we could use against Zobelle. If he was going behind Weston's back and having secret meetings with an organization of "color" as they called it, Weston wasn't going to react too lightly to it. He was a true color hater where as Zobelle apparently didn't give a shit.

"Zobelle's there?"

"Looks like heroine trade to me." Jax answered.

"Looks like we have that 'unravel from the inside out' thing covered."

"You find Chibs yet?"

"No, he's not here. I'm not sure where else to go. Guess I'll just aimlessly drive around town."

"Don't get lost." Jax said before disconnecting the call.

I let out a frustrated sigh before sliding my phone back into my pocket and heading out the door.


	26. Chapter 26

My search in town proved to be fruitless, and I wanted to check the clubhouse to see if Chibs had come back before widening my search or alerting the other club members.

I walked into the clubhouse, hoping to find him at the bar, but was sorely disappointed. I stood there for a defeated second before Opie and Jax walked into the bar from the hallway.

I shot an expectant look at Jax, but his expression was the same as mine. We both had expected the other to have news on Chibs, but neither of us had any. My stomach had been twisted in knots for the last two hours, and it was only getting worse.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO**

"Where the hell have you been?" I tried to keep the frustration out of my voice as I questioned Chibs.

"Meeting with Jimmy O. Trying to reconnect with the bloody Irish and get more guns." Relief had flooded through me as I had watched him pull back into the lot along with Clay, Bobby and Juice. I got angry though when I thought about how long I had spent looking for him.

"Why was your phone off?" My irritation at his vanishing act cracking through my self-control.

"Watch it prospect, don't take that attitude with me."

My anger flared at his silly attempt to change the subject, but before I could respond Jax sauntered up beside us. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" He nodded towards the clubhouse where I saw Opie climb off the roof and disappear inside.

I looked back at Chibs before falling into step behind Jax. "We're not done with this conversation."

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO**

"This secret dies here. I don't want anybody else knowing my business."

Bobby, Clay, Tig, Jax, and I all sat in the chapel listening to Opie speak about his newfound situation. He was handling it better than I thought he would have. But then again, Opie had always been a strong person. He was taking this news about the real situation of Donna's death in stride. I knew he was hurting, and this just brought all those old memories back up for him. He was practically going to have to start the grieving process from square one again.

"One more thing." Opie said as he stared up at Clay. "When I was following Stahl today, I saw Chibs leaving from a meeting with her."

_What? _ Everyone but Opie's jaws fell open. That was where he had been today, that's why he'd turned his phone off. Everything fell into place then. The phone call he'd gotten before mysteriously giving me one hell of a goodbye kiss, the way he'd acted, why he'd dodged the subject when I tried to get an explanation.

"_What?"_ Jax sat up, shooting a worried look at me before once more focusing on Opie.

"I want you to hear him out. Trust what he has to say, and not jump to conclusions." Opie broke his gaze from Clay's face as he finished his sentence. The look he gave me was sympathetic. It was obviously his unspoken apology for not telling me in private first. He could tell by my shocked face that I hadn't known.

"Alright. We'll hear him out." Clay spoke before searching my face for genuine surprise. Apparently, he found my shock and worry satisfying, because he didn't ask me if I knew what Chibs was up to. Did Chibs make a deal with Stahl? And for what? I was sick to my stomach again as I thought of the implications of his actions. Hopefully it was some misunderstanding. It had to be. I wouldn't believe any other explanation unless I heard it directly from Chibs.

"We'll handle that later. I've got big news right now though." Jax spoke up from his spot at Clays left. "I followed Zobelle today after I watched him ditch Weston. Turns out Judas is dealing with Alvarez behind his right hands back."

"Alvarez? What would Zobelle want with the Mayans?" Bobby questioned.

"My guess? Heroine trade." Jax answered.

Just then Chibs opened the door to the chapel. "Can I have a minute boys?"

Chibs took his usual seat and began explaining what Opie had said about him meeting with Stahl. "I messed up. I gave Stahl Edmond and the gun safe house for her to work with me. She played my hatred for Jimmy O. She said she would give SAMCRO immunity, as well as protection for Kerianne, if I gave her Jimmy O. When I met with her today, she dropped the immunity for the club. I didn't make the deal. If Edmond agrees to give up Jimmy O, and he will, she'll get to him and tell him I was the one that ratted. He'll kill Kerianne, as well as Fiona. He'll kill my daughter to get back at me."

As he spoke I could hear the broken heartedness in his voice. He was scared for Kerianne, but he was also upset that he had hurt the club, and me in the process. He didn't look at me, even though I couldn't take my gaze off his sad brown eyes. My heart broke for him. Jimmy would do what he said. He was a heartless power hungry bastard. He didn't care who got in his way, and that was how Chibs had received his scars so long ago. I hated Jimmy for what he had done to Chibs, even though his actions had eventually set Chibs in my path. Jimmy had taken Chibs wife and daughter from him. I had never met the girl, and it broke my heart that Chibs barely knew her as well. I could care less about Fiona, but I was worried about Kerianne. I guess in that respect I had a need to be worried about Fiona, as I would never wish that type of heartbreak on Kerianne. I had lost a parent. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

"Hey, you didn't make the deal. You ain't no rat." Clay reasoned with Chibs. Thank God. The rest of the guys agreed with a few nods and grunts.

"Thank you brothers." Chibs looked up then, but he still didn't look at me.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO**

Piney burst through the door of the chapel with a gun aimed at Clay. Before anyone could react he fired, sending us all into a flurry of motion. Tig threw himself in front of Clay, while Chibs redirected Piney's arm at the ceiling. After we all took a second to assess the damage, and realize no one was hurt, Clay shot out of his chair after Piney. Tig, Chibs and Opie broke them apart.

"Give me the room." Opie said as he took the gun from his father. We all filed out of the room, leaving Opie to talk some sense into Piney.

Chibs still refused to make eye contact with me. He headed over to the bar and busied himself with pouring a drink. I walked over to the couch and fell into one of the well-worn seat cushions. I needed to process my emotions before talking to him about what he had done. How mad was I really? I wasn't happy, but I guess it all boiled down to a few points. I understood what he did, and I couldn't stay mad at him forever. I knew I wouldn't, so I might as well get over it now. I looked up and studied the back of his head while deciding how to react. Just from looking at him I felt the anger start to ebb away. There was no way I could blame him, and no way I could not forgive him. His actions may make it a little harder on the club to deal with Zobelle, but I loved him too much not to overlook this. Watching him, knowing he was petrified about what I was going to say, I wanted to go to him, console him. He knew how much I loved this club, and he knew that I despised anything that threatened it's livelihood. Although he had pulled away from the deal when Stahl had taken immunity for Samcro off the table, just the fact that he had been willing to deal with Stahl in the first place was bad enough. He hated Jimmy O so much that he was willing to rat on him to hurt him, and in the process destroy the trust his brothers had in him. Thing was, I loved Chibs so much, I was willing to put him over the club, if need be. After I had spent my entire life in this club, had loved and lost and learned from this club and the people in it, I was willing to give it all up for the man across the room. It all became clear to me in that moment as I watched his shoulders slump with guilt. He was my first priority, and everything else, even the club, came second. All I wanted to do was go to him, tell him it was all right, tell him I loved him. No, I desperately needed him to know I still loved him.

I got up and closed the distance between us in long strides. I slowed as I reached him, fiercely wrapping my arms around him, burying my head in the crook of his neck. "I love you."

His whole body relaxed in that moment. He had been awaiting my verdict, and was more than relieved of what it was. He got up from the stool and turned around, finally facing me. "Let's take this outside?"

"Yeah." Arm in arm we made our way outside. We only slowed when we reached the garage. The rest of the mechanics had gone home for the day, so we had a private place to talk.

He sat down on an old milk crate and pulled one up in front of him for me. Once I settled, he took my hands in his. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay baby. I understand the position you were in. But, here's the thing…when you hate someone so much for something they did to you, then you're the one that suffers. Not them. I know it's hard, but you need to try to let go of this hatred for Jimmy, before it destroys you." I pleaded with him, willing him to understand that holding grudges only ate away at the person who held them. As hard as it is, when you can find it in your heart to forgive someone for what they did to you, then you can let it go. You're no longer bound by that hatred, that anger. You're set free, that person no longer holds power over you. As long as you hate them, you give them control of your life.

"It's easier said than done, love." He kept his eyes trained on our intertwined hands.

"I know that baby. But you could have come to me, let me know what was going on. I didn't know you were struggling with this, maybe I could have helped."

"I know. Now none of you are going to trust me again. Especially you." His voice held so much pain it broke my heart all over again.

"Especially _not_ me. It was a temporary lapse in judgment. We've all had them. Hey, look at me." I placed my hand on his chin, pulling his face up to mine. "I'm not mad, I still trust you, and I still love you with everything I am."

He studied me for a brief second before pulling me to him, wrapping me up in a very affectionate death grip. "God, you forgiving soul. What would I do without you?"

"Oh I don't know…probably be full of STD's from some of the more skanky crow eaters?" I laughed, trying to make light of the heavy situation.

He laughed, glancing back towards the clubhouse. "You wanna tell me what that was all about?"

What was I supposed to tell him? I knew he would be wondering about Piney's outburst, but I wasn't sure yet how I would explain it. Opie had just requested that the secret die there. He didn't want anyone else knowing his business, and I would respect that. At the same time, I didn't want to lie to Chibs. I could tell him I had no idea, which wasn't technically a lie. I didn't know what Piney was thinking, or why he had waited this long. Other than knowing about Tig killing Donna, I knew nothing more than Chibs did. I couldn't do that though. My thoughts from earlier resounded in my head. Chibs equals first priority. As hard as I had fought for it, if it came down to it, I would give my slot in the club up for Chibs. It surprised me that it took something like him almost ratting on Jimmy O for me to realize that. Now that my priorities were straight, the juggling act became a lot clearer. I would still respect Opie's wishes, but I wouldn't lie to Chibs either. "Honestly baby, I can't. It's not my business, and I was asked not to repeat it. It's more of a personal issue than a club issue."

He considered my words before answering. "Thank you for being honest with me. I'm sorry I couldn't bring myself to be that honest with you."

"Just remember it for next time." I replied as I put a hand to his chest and laid my forehead against his.

"There won't be a next time."

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO**

I stood in front of our bathroom mirror later that night when Chibs came up behind me and placed his hands on my hips. He just stood there staring at me in the mirror with an oddly fascinated expression on his face. Well, that was one way to put it. Another would be to say he was staring at me as if I was the most stunning woman he had ever seen.

I went to step away from the sink but his hands held me firmly in place. "Can I help you?"

"You already have." He spun me around, picked me up and sat me down on the sink, stepping in between my legs, closing the distance between us.

"Oh yeah? How's that?"

"Earlier, you said I needed to forgive Jimmy O for what he did, cause it meant he still had power over me if I didn't."

"Yeah." I was slightly confused, not quite sure where he was going with this conversation. There was no way he had come to terms with his hatred for Jimmy in only a few short hours.

"Now, while I haven't completely forgiven him, I have realized one thing that helps me look at this in a whole different light. What he did," His voice trembled as he spoke the words. "What he did, was wrong, he separated me from my family, my daughter…and I've always held onto that. But now I realize that by doing that, he sent me to you. And while I still can't forgive him for what he did, I have a reason to thank him as well. Because I get more joy and love from you, in a day, than he could ever get from spending the rest of his life with Fiona. He has no idea that he's responsible for giving me the reason I live for. You. You, and your kind heart, your forgiveness, your unconditional love. You showed me that tonight. I thought you would never even look at me again, but you wrapped your arms around me as if nothing had happened. More than that really, you held me like you wanted me to know how much I was loved. I've loved you for a long time. _Truly_ loved you, as I've loved no one. And I was wondering," He took my right hand in his and slid my claddagh ring off. "Will you marry me?"


	27. Chapter 27

When I was backpacking through Japan, Chibs lived in every thought that lay between daydreams and sweet night dreams. When I thought I might die there, he was the one person I would have requested to see as a dying wish...not that that courtesy would have been allowed to me.

My claddagh ring was practically burning a hole on my left hand. I had always imagined it being there someday, but was so used to it being on my right hand. Now, my right hand was bare, and my left felt like a shining beacon for everyone to see. The ring itself felt twice as big on the new hand. I couldn't stop noticing it…so I was slightly surprised when Jax didn't.

"That the last of it?" Jax asked as I put my final bag into the trunk of Tara's car.

"Yeah. You need help getting your stuff packed?" We were all moving into the clubhouse for a few days while we took care of Zobelle. There were too many people connected to the club for us to protect unless they were all gathered in one place.

"No, you two go ahead, I'll see you at the clubhouse." Jax shut the trunk and disappeared inside his house.

"We should think about investing in a car so we wouldn't have to always borrow someone else's." I mentioned to Chibs as we walked across the street to our bikes.

Chibs bent his mouth down to my ear. "We need to worry about paying off the house before we think about a car we'll never use."

"Oh, come on, it doesn't have to be nice. It just needs to run and have plenty of storage space."

"We wouldn't need the storage space if you didn't have to carry your make-up with you everywhere you go." Chibs laughed as he cranked his bike up.

"Excuse me, asshole? I'll have you know my make-up bag is almost half the size of your shaving kit! For a girl I am _very_ low maintenance."

"Oh _really_?" He cackled as he drove down the driveway away from me.

I found myself looking for something to throw at him before following him out into the street.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that Jax hadn't noticed my ring had switched hands, but I would have thought, Jax of all people…

It's not like I didn't realize that we had a lot going on right now. I wasn't expecting a parade, that was for sure. It even seemed slightly out of place to me for us to get engaged at a time like this. But at the same time, we had been together for years on end, and we were practically already married. Even at a time of peace in the club, no one would be surprised – even for a second. Well, I guess they might be surprised that we were _actually_ going to get married. I'm sure everyone had assumed by now we'd just stay the way we were for the rest of our lives. Hell, to a point, _I_ had assumed that. My thoughts drifted back to last night as I followed Chibs to the clubhouse.

"_I know it's bad timing, but I just couldn't wait." Chibs said as he slipped the ring on my left hand. _

"_No, it's perfect timing." I threw my arms around his neck, squeezing him tight._

"_I figure, after this whole thing blows over, we'll plan the wedding. A nice big one, or a small one if you want."_

"_I don't think what I want will have too much pull when my mother finds out. She'll probably throw a huge, expensive wedding."_

"_We could run away. Maybe drive out to Vegas."_

_I laughed, even though the thought of just Chibs and I alone hundreds of miles from anyone we knew…it sounded delicious. "No. No, she'd kill me." _

"_Honeymoon in Vegas then? Just the two of us." _

"_Yeah. That sounds perfect."_

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

I pulled my bike into the MC parking lot and backed in by the guys' bikes, looking over at the all the extra bikes from Tacoma and a few other chapters. The place was busier than I had ever seen it before. Every spare space was filled with cars, bikes and vans. People were everywhere, all moving towards the presumably already packed clubhouse.

Chibs and I entered the clubhouse. As I had expected, it was packed to the hilt with the family of members. I squeezed between people until I saw a familiar blonde head a few feet away from where I stood. "Kozic!"

Kozic spun around. "Ace?" He pulled me up into a hug and patted me on the back before leaning back to look at me, taking in my cut and the new hair color. "Look at you!"

"I know! So what are all the guys in Tacoma saying about letting a little girl in the club?" I questioned, running a hand up and down my cut.

"Few don't like it – or understand it – I should say. But most in Tacoma knows you know how to handle yourself. Besides, you'll prove the others wrong. And being John's daughter helps a lot." Kozic swept his eyes over those that had turned to look at our exchange. Most shot curious looks at me, but I could tell a few felt irritated that they might one day share a patch with a woman.

"That I will. I welcome the challenge." I winked at Kozic before moving on farther into the room.

After everyone was in and the lot was locked down from outside visitors, the members that would fit filed into the chapel along with Chief Unser.

I stood against the wall and waited for the doors to close and Clay to speak. "When we meet with Jimmy O today, we'll tell him that Eddy and Cameron have turned rat. Whatever we do, we keep Stahl away from Jimmy, because she'll tag Chibs as the rat. We need those guns to deal with Zobelle, so we have to be extra careful in how we deal with this. Jax, Opie, Juice – you go fill in Weston on his boss's extracurricular activities. Plant the seed of doubt. After he realizes what his boss is, he won't stick around to protect him, and we'll have them separated."

"Let's go." Jax stood up to leave and everyone else followed. We were all anxious to have this day over with.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

I sat at the bar, watching Tara patch Chuckie's hands up, when Jax, Opie, and Juice walked back in from their meeting with Weston.

"What is this?" Jax asked to the group at large.

"Chuckie here has intel on the CaraCara fire." Bobby spoke from beside me.

Jax threw a questioning look at Chuckie. "What happened?"

"Three of four guys – Darby was there, I heard one of them shout the name Weston." Chuckie spoke over his bandaged hands.

"_Weston?_" Jax asked.

"Yeah." Chuckie answered.

"The insurance money could come in handy. We could have Chuckie fill out a report that it was arson." Bobby spoke back up.

"Chuckie, why don't you wait outside by the chief's car." Jax said.

"How long would it take to fill out that report, chief?" Clay asked Unser.

"Not long. Why?" Unser questioned.

"'Cause I think we found another use for Chucky." Clay answered.

Unser got up and left for the Police station with Chucky.

"Samcro, in the chapel." Clay motioned us into the chapel.

Once we were in, he spoke again. "This new plan to get our guns from the safe house – we can use Chucky for that. The feds won't recognize him, but they will all of us. We'll need someone on that street to let us know that it's clear. Ace, while we meet with Jimmy, you stay behind and fill in Chucky when he gets back."

"Ok. I'll put it into motion."

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

I sat with Tara and my mother at the bar while waiting for Chucky to get back from filling out the arson report. The guys had left for their meeting with Jimmy O already, and I had done the prep work I needed to do before filling in Chucky on the part he would hopefully play this afternoon at the safe house. I checked the time on my phone. They were pushing it, but I still had some time before calling Unser to make sure they hadn't gotten lost, or that Chucky didn't somehow wreck the chief's car.

People milled about me, settling into comfortable conversations with others they knew. I turned around on my stool and looked at the people all around me. Not a crow eater in sight. Everyone present meant something to the club, but weren't people usually seen inside its walls. A few exceptions were scattered around here or there, like Lyla, and her and Opie's children. Then of course was Tara, my mother and I. I looked at the amount of women and children in the room. Some were ex-wives, some were current, both with their respective children. There were even mothers of members or their wives, those still alive and in the area. I looked at how far the club reached. At how many people's lives were touched by our actions, and how many could end up hurt by our decisions. The responsibility hit me like a ton of bricks. I watched the young children on their mother's laps, and the teenage children, sequestered in a corner of the bar at their own table. I recognized a few, but none were children that were raised like Jax, Opie and I were – always at the clubhouse, always in the garage – getting under members feet and seeing things we probably shouldn't have seen at such a young age. These were the innocents. The ones that didn't choose this life, but whose lives were still in danger because of it. I thought of Abel, and how he would probably be raised just as his father and I were. I had always thought of those sitting in front of me as outside our little bubble. Those near, but not affected as we were. Seeing them all gathered like this made me realize just how real they all were, and just how heavily affected they could be. It put everything we did in the club into perspective. We had more to worry about than ourselves. Our actions reached much farther than I thought, and that realization scared me.

My mother's voice brought me out of my reverie. "Ace, is there something you need to tell me?"

"What?" I questioned, not knowing where the conversation was heading.

She picked up my left hand and ran her thumb over my ring. "Something is off about this. Didn't you used to wear this on your right hand? And the other way around? Sweetie, what's wrong? Is something going on with you and Chibs?"

"He asked me to marry him." Was all I answered as I fought to switch over to the conversation from my original train of thought.

"He what?" Tara sounded shocked as she looked at my hand from the other side of my mother.

Mom just nodded and patted my hand. "'Bout time."

It was my turn to be shocked. "That's _it_? No barraging me with long laid plans for your only daughter's wedding?"

"No, there'll be time for that later. Besides, you don't seem too excited about it." She said blankly before taking another sip of coffee, not even bothering to look me in the eye, choosing instead to watch the TV above the bar.

"No, I am, I just have other things on my mind is all. Besides, I don't want to make a big deal about it right now. When this is all over, I'll announce it, but not now."

She turned to look at me then, taking my hand in hers."Baby, you've been through a lot lately. You deserve some light in your life right now. There's nothing wrong with being happy and letting everyone know about it."

She didn't get it, now just wasn't the time. Luckily, I was saved by Chucky and Unser coming back into the bar. "Not now, mom."

"Got the report filled out." Unser spoke to my mother, but it was I who answered.

"Thanks, Chief." I got up and took a step towards the chapel. "Hey Chucky? Can I get a minute?"

He looked shocked, but followed me into the chapel. I perched on the edge of the table and motioned towards the chair that Opie usually occupied. "Have a seat."

"Ok." He looked shocked and scared, like he had done something wrong, but his face also showed wonder and excitement at being in the chapel, and being asked to sit in a chair reserved for club members. As he sat down, he started babbling. "I filled out the report for the insurance claims. Unser said he'd take care of it. I told him everything I knew. Well, not everything, obviously, just what they needed to know. I didn't say anything about the club or anything like –"

"You did well, Chucky. Thank you, you helped us out a lot." I cut him off before he ran all of his oxygen out. He nodded and leaned back in the chair, putting his hands behind his head, then thought better of it and sat up again, placing his hands nervously on the table. Better make this quick before he has a spaz attack. "Thing is, Chucky, we could use your help again. On something really important."

"Really?" He started nodding convulsively. "Okay. Okay."

I suppressed a laugh before reaching beside me and grabbing the flyers he would be using later. "You see, were going to a house that's covered in feds, and we're gonna lead them away, but we need a man on the street to make sure they all leave. What your gonna do, is identify all the feds on the street, and when our truck leaves, make sure they all follow it, okay? When the street's clear, you're gonna call us, on this number." I handed him a piece of paper with my cell number written on it. "And let us know, okay?"

He nodded and accepted the scrap of paper.

"Here's your cover." I showed him the flyers. "You're gonna place these on all the cars on the street, that way, you'll be able to get up close and see what cars the feds are in."

"Okay. I can do this." Chucky looked over the flyers and handed them back to me.

I placed them back on the table before replying. "I know you can, Chucky. We trust you'll do well."

"This is an important mission?"

I smiled at his choice of words. "Yes, Chucky, a very important mission."

He stood up and squared his shoulders with a deep breath. "I won't let you down."

"I know you won't, Chucky. You'll do great." I patted him on the arm before leading him out of the chapel.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

The guys soon came back from their meeting with Jimmy O, and from their meeting with Lin and Laroy.

"How'd it go?" I asked Jax.

"Well. The Chinese and Niners are behind us, and we're all set up at the safe house. You talk to Chucky?"

"Yeah. We're all set."

"Good. I arranged for Weston's kids to be picked up by child protection services. They're on their way out to his house now." Jax cracked a smile. Something I hadn't seen in a few days. "Wanna meet Weston at the station with me?"

"Yeah." I couldn't wait to get my hands on the prick that hurt my mother. Now I was one step closer.

"No. You stay here, Ace." Clay spoke up.

_What? _I refrained from asking, but the question was splayed across my face before I could catch it.

"You stay here, no arguments." Clay said with finality.

I nodded my acceptance, waiting to get Clay on his own, not wanting to challenge his authority in front of the rest of the club.

A few minutes later, I saw my opportunity. Clay stood alone with my mom by the bar. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Clay sighed, "Look, I don't want you going anywhere near Weston, Ace. Just stay here."

"Clay, what happened to me being able to control myself, and showing the others that if I could do it, then they could?" I kept my tone respectful…I didn't need him on my bad side, but I had a feeling it wasn't just Weston he was keeping me from. He was probably going to keep me from the action all damn day.

"Fine. Go." Clay gave up and I let it go while I was ahead.

Jax walked up with Opie and Juice behind him. "Unser called. We gotta go."

"I'm coming with you." I spoke up.

Jax shot a look at Clay before replying. "Okay. Let's go."

Clay shrugged his shoulders as I turned around to kiss Chibs goodbye. "Love you." I whispered in his ear.

He squeezed my hand in a goodbye before letting me follow Jax out the door.


	28. Chapter 28

I sat on my bike and watched the exchange between Weston and the woman from child protective services. I couldn't believe a man as disgusting as him was still allowed to walk freely on the streets. Anger surged through every muscle in my body towards the modern day Nazi standing across the parking lot. I tried to keep my anger in check as the van left and we all moved towards Weston.

"I see your kids are taking that little trip I arranged for them." Jax spit at Weston.

"You did this?" Weston shot back.

"At least I didn't gang rape 'em."

My anger threatened to burst through me as I stood this close to the man I hated most in the world. I was seconds from losing control and lunging at him. Maybe Clay was right. I probably shouldn't have been here. Behind Jax's back I reached for the closest comforting thing available. Instead of reaching for my gun as I wanted to, my hand closed around Juice's warm wrist, squeezing it tight.

"…ten of my best against ten of yours. No weapons. Either me or you goes home in a bag." I tuned back into what Jax was saying.

"I'll be there." Weston stalked off towards his truck.

I let go of Juice's wrist. Now that Weston had agreed to fight tonight, I had something to look forward to. Hopefully he wouldn't split town tonight instead of showing up. If he did, I would track him down. I would have my revenge. Suddenly, my words from last night resounded in my head. _When you hate someone so much for something they did to you, then you're the one that suffers. Not them._ But this was different right? No, actually, it wasn't. So what did that mean? Were we just supposed to let Weston go? Not likely. But should I really forgive him for what he did to my mother? Could I? Yeah, maybe after I or someone else beat him to death. Maybe I could forgive his cold, lifeless body.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

"How'd it go?" Clay asked as we stood out in the parking lot, getting ready to go get the guns from the safe house. "How'd she do?"

"She did great. Picture of control." Juice answered and winked at me when Clay turned his back.

"That's good. But you're still gonna stay here with your mom while we do this." Clay shot at me.

My suspicions from earlier had been confirmed. He was trying to keep me out of the action.

Jax looked up at Clay with an irritated expression. "Why can't she?"

"We don't need her, she can stay here." Clay answered.

"You do need me. Chucky's gonna be calling me to let us know it's all clear." I used this lame ass attempt first, trying not to get into it with Clay today.

"And that can easily be changed. You've done enough, we can take it from here." Clay's voice had a ring of authority in it.

"Okay. Not to be rude or disrespectful or anything, but _why_?" I pleaded with Clay. If he wouldn't let me go to the safe house, he sure as hell wouldn't let me go meet Weston's crew tonight. That's where I really wanted to be.

Clay's shoulders fell in defeat. "You really want to know?"

"Yeah, I do." I stood my ground, waiting for his explanation.

"Because your mother has been through enough lately, and I can't imagine her grief if something happened to her little girl. I'm sure she'd feel better if you sat this one out."

"No, I wouldn't." My mother stepped out from behind Happy and Juice and walked up to Clay and I. She patted Clay's arm then turned to me, placing her hands on my shoulders. "I don't mind you going, sweetie. It's where you belong. It's your service, and I'm not going to keep you from performing your service. Just be careful, okay? And smart. Use those brains you got from your father."

I smiled at her. "Thank you."

"I love you baby girl." She hugged me tight before turning me loose.

"I love you too, mom."

I watched as she turned and shared a look with Clay.

He nodded and let the subject go. "Let's go get our guns."

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

I sat on my bike with my phone in my hand, waiting on Chucky's call. Jimmy had just arrived at the safe house to pick up his guns. We all sat perched on our bikes, three blocks away, anxiously waiting on my phone to ring. Then eight motorcycle's and one van would swoop in on the safe house and take our guns back.

My phone buzzed in my hand, and I answered it before it started to ring. "Yeah?"

Chucky's voice came loud and clear from the other end. "It's all clear."

"Thanks Chucky. Good Job." I hung up and nodded at the others. The simultaneous roar of our bikes rent the air of the quiet neighborhood, then we took off for the safe house.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

I could feel the tension coming off of Chibs as he stood next to Jimmy. I now knew how hard it was for him to be around Jimmy, and I could empathize with his hatred. He still hadn't gotten vengeance for what Jimmy had done, and I couldn't imagine not getting vengeance against Zobelle and Weston.

We loaded the guns into the van and sent Happy on his way, then headed out for the camping supply store that Stahl thought Jimmy was headed to.

When we backed in in front of the store, there wasn't a soul in sight. I smiled at Chibs as we walked side by side into the store. The plan had gone seamlessly, Chibs had gotten away scot free from Stahl setting him up against Jimmy, and soon, the bitch would know she'd been had. I took his hand and squeezed it tight until several ATF agents threw themselves in the room, guns raised.

"Down on the floor, now!"

We all eased ourselves on the floor trying to hide our smirks because our plan was going so well. Other ATF agents came in from the back of the store, guiding a young Mexican man into the room.

"Where's Jimmy?" Stahl asked.

"There was no one else in the truck." The agent answered.

"Up!" Stahl yelled at us.

We slowly stood up.

"Where's Jimmy?" She was asking us this time, not her agents.

Chibs, who was standing closest to Stahl, said, "Jimmy who?"

Stahl brought her hand up and slapped Chibs across the face as hard as she could. Anger surged through me, but I didn't move. No scrawny little bitch touched my man like that.

Stahl noticed my sudden tension and looked like she wanted to smart off to me. I just smiled, which made her pissed off meter jump up a whole new level.

"Get Edmond in here!" Stahl gave up on us, and yelled for her agents to bring the rat in the store. I stared at Stahl as Edmond stumbled in the front door. Stahl motioned for her colleagues to open the crates that were brought from the SUV that supposedly held the guns, but really held nothing but two dead rats. As the crates lids were lifted off, Edmond grew pale. Chibs leaned over at him and sniffed him. The phrase, _I smell a rat, _ran through my mind as he did.

"Well, I guess we'll be going." Clay said from a few paces in front of me.

We all started leaving the store, but as Chibs reached Stahl, he stopped, and slowly spit a bit of bloody saliva at her feet. "You hit like a girl."

As I took my turn past Stahl, I wanted to stop and say, _but I don't_ , and knock the shit out of her, but as that would have gotten me arrested, and kept me from the fight with Weston tonight, I kept my fist, and my mouth, in check. Hopefully I'd get my chance one day.

We left the store and headed back to the clubhouse, high on our success of gaining our guns, and excited about the meeting tonight with Weston.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

Adrenaline surged through the air as we all prepared to leave for the big event. Not only would members of a few other charters be going with us, but Lin and Laroy would be there with their respective crews for extra muscle and just plain menacing threat. We knew Weston wouldn't fight fair, we needed to be prepared. It could turn into a gun fight tonight, and we might lose a few members. Maybe even some Samcro. The thought of that devastated me. Hopefully we would overwhelm Weston in sheer numbers, intimidating him into fighting by the original rules. Ten on ten, no weapons.

"You ready for this?" Half-Sack fought through the crowd of families saying their goodbyes to reach me. I hadn't seen him all day, as his poor soul had been designated to babysitting my mom and Tara.

I smiled at him. "You have no idea. Come on, let's escape this crowd." I led the way through and out to the parking lot. Even though everyone in that crowd was a brother or their family, and I was perfectly safe, I had a hard time fighting the instinct to feel nervous in the middle of a large crowd squeezed into a small space. I felt much better out in the open air, and even better when a pair of strong familiar arms wrapped themselves around my waist from behind me.

"Are you sure you wanna go tonight?" Chibs whispered in my ear. Aww, he was worried about me.

"What kind of question is that? I wouldn't miss it for the world." I leaned my head against his and felt him sigh.

"What about something better than the world? I mean, who wants the world, right? What about that car you were talking about earlier? I could fix up an old muscle car for you, I know if you could love a car, it would be a muscle car. What about an El Camino, painted cherry red? " He pleaded. God, did this man know me or what.

I had to admit, the offer was tempting, but..."No. I'm going."

I felt his shoulders sag in defeat.

"An El Camino? Girls usually want Mustangs…But yeah, an El Camino fits you, I guess." Half-Sack smiled as he leaned against the railing behind our bikes.

I patted Chibs hand. "I'm going. But we can talk about that El Camino later."

"Oh, it's time to go." Sack said, glancing towards the clubhouse where the guys were making their way towards us.

I unwrapped myself from Chibs arms and walked back up to the clubhouse overhang to where my mother stood. I hugged her fiercely before turning to leave with the rest of my club.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

We stood in front of an old shed, watching as Laroy and Lin showed up and Clay made the arrangements for how the plan would go down. As the Chinese and the Niners meandered over to their respective sides of the shed Clay called us all close together for one final talk before Weston showed up.

"Okay, our ten is gonna be me, Jax, Tig, Opie, Juice, Bobby, Chibs, Happy, Half-Sack and Kozic."

My nostrils flared as Clay said Kozic's name instead of my own. There was no reason why I couldn't stand my own against one of Weston's crew, and Clay new that. I had been raised knowing how to fight, and when Chibs came around, I got some of the best training of my life. I hadn't lost a fight yet. What I lacked in pure muscle and strength, I made up for in speed and strategy. Besides, it wasn't the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the bitch, right?

"So, why can't I fight?"

Clay shot a look at Chibs before answering. "If Weston shows up with more than ten men, then you can – actually, you'll be first in line, but if this goes like we planned, then no, you sit out."

I looked at Chibs, who looked guiltily at the ground. "You did this?" I spit at him, venom in my voice. I ran my hands over my face and thought about the situation before saying anything else. I turned and sashayed back to my bike, shouting over my shoulder as I went, "I'm getting that cherry red El Camino just for that move right there."

The guys laughed and Chibs looked relieved. "Anyone know where I can find one those for cheap?"

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

The sun went down as the time for Weston to show up grew closer. I had been stretching my arms over my head every few minutes, just to have something to do. The guys spent their time cracking knuckles and popping their necks. Half-Sack jumped up and down, warming his body, making sure adrenaline reached his every extremity. I stood up and paced, feeling too jumpy to sit. I swung my arms through the air, stretching them. No matter what Clay or Chibs said, I was getting some hits in tonight.

Soon enough, Weston and his crew rolled in and jumped out of their trucks armed to the hilt with guns. I smiled wildly. He had way more than ten men.

"That wasn't the deal. No weapons." Clay said.

"Fair is for losers." Weston replied. He was obviously thrilled that he had us outnumbered and outsmarted.

Tig stuck his fingers in his mouth and gave a sharp whistle, signaling Laroy and Lin to make their way around the shed with their weapons. As they did, our ranks swelled to more than twice the size of Weston's crew. His smile faltered as his eyes took in the amount of people in front of him, most armed. He motioned for his men to drop their weapons and he did the same.

"Let's do this." Jax grinned from a few paces in front of me.

I watched as the men charged for each other, reminding me every bit of mountain goats ramming their heads in a show superiority. When more than ten of Weston's men ran forward, our second line of defense, headed by me and consisting of members of other charters, threw ourselves into the fray. I barreled at the first Nazi I saw unoccupied, watching his angry face turn to laughter as he saw a five foot four girl covered in leather running at him. I locked eyes with him and grinned wickedly, never pausing in my stride. I took advantage of his relaxed position and as soon as I was close enough to reach him I popped him one good one against the left side of his head. Before he knew it, I had ducked under his outstretched arm with the fist that was too slow for me and was behind him, throwing another right, this time against the opposite ear. His right hand reached for his ear and he went to spin around to his left, just as I knew he would. After all, I had directed him that way. As he lumbered around, bringing his right fist from his ear to find any part of me he could connect with, I popped back a step and threw my right leg out and into his left side, breaking a rib or two by the feel of it, and doing serious damage to one of his kidneys with my steel toed boots. He screamed at the pain and staggered forward at me. Perfect. I threw my left leg up this time into the inside of his left thigh. Ouch. That couldn't _not _hurt. He dropped to his knees and I kicked him in the head with my right leg, knocking him all the way onto the ground, where I proceeded to kick him in the head a few more times. I heard sirens in the distance as I kicked him in the other kidney for good measure. This could have been one of the men that hurt my mother, so I aimed another kick at his head with no remorse, then brought the heel of my boot down on his nose. I stood catching my breath and trying to assess the situation. Where were the sirens coming from? I looked up at the retreating backs of Laroy and Lin as the sirens got closer to us.

"Let's go!" I heard Weston shout to his crew.

Jax shoved Weston as his crew gathered their injured and piled into their trucks, cursing us all the way. "This isn't over."

"I'm not going anywhere!" Weston shouted and started for Jax again. God, did I want a shot at breaking that guys face. I moved forward as flashing squad cars spun onto the gravel. I stopped and watched as David Hale, a guy who had had a crush on me during school, jumped out of his jeep and assessed the situation.

"What the hell is this?" He yelled, anger etched clearly on his strained face.

"This doesn't concern you, Hale." Jax said.

The blood vessel in Hale's forehead threatened to burst. "You're in Charming!" He shot a look at Jax and I, standing on either side of Weston. He started walking our way, shooting annoyed but questioning glances at me and my cut as he walked over. "AJ Weston, you're under arrest for suspicion of arson in the burning of CaraCara."

"What!" Several of us shouted in unison. This was because of the report Chucky had filled out earlier today.

I watched as Hale put handcuffs around Weston's wrist. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. It was supposed to end tonight. Now we'd have to find another way to get to Weston while he sat under the protection of the Charming jail. Hale shoved Weston into the back of a squad car and left, his deputies following him.

"What now?" Juice asked.

Clay shrugged his shoulders. "Call Unser, tell him to move on the cigar shop." Clay motioned for Tig to make the call.

Minutes later, we were on our way to Impeccable Smokes. One of these assholes was dying tonight, David Hale be damned. He couldn't be at two places at once.


	29. Chapter 29

We backed into spaces in front of the cigar shop, parking our bikes. Unser was there, keeping watch over Polly Zobelle. She had received a death threat from AJ Weston earlier that day, and deputies had been there the remainder of the time to watch over her. Unser had sent the deputies away when he had gotten our phone call. I was about to come face to face with the bitch that helped in the rape of my mother. Maybe I'd get a chance to knock her one good one over the head like she had my mom. Hey, it was the least I could do.

We stepped off our bikes and made our way onto the walk. Chibs stopped me from entering the shop with everyone else. "Hey, are you okay? I saw you in the middle of the fight." He took a step back and looked me over for any damage.

"There's no need. I'm fine. Not a scratch on me. You should see the other guy, though." I smiled, remembering how easy it had been to take down the lumbering fool.

He took my bruised hands in his. It's hard not to have your knuckles themselves split open while their trying to split open someone's head. "It still amazes me that you can take out men who are double your size, if not more." Chibs grinned, knowing damn good and well it was he who had taught me exactly how to do what I had done tonight.

I laughed, reminiscing on the days I spent in the ring with Chibs, practicing on Juice…and Tig. Those were the days. "I find the element of surprise never gets old." That good ole, tried and tested routine had worked many a time. All it left me with were bruised knuckles and a great sense of accomplishment. "Come on."

We walked into the store to find Polly Zobelle in the hands of Clay, a pistol up her skirt. "Where's your father?" Clay asked.

"I don't know!" Polly answered. She was scared shitless. Good. She needed to know what helpless felt like.

"Get him here!" Clay roared.

"Polly?" I heard Zobelle before I saw him. He turned the corner into the store from the back room, scared at what he saw. He knew he was screwed.

Clay let go of Polly and pushed Zobelle onto the floor, aiming his pistol at Zobelle's temple.

"You wanna kill me? Do it here on main street!" Zobelle's pathetic bravado attempt at saving his life disgusted me. Did he not know that we would do exactly that?

I heard a commotion outside, and before I knew it, David Hale and two deputies burst through the door, guns raised.

"Seriously?" I shouted.

"Unser!" Hale yelled. "What the hell?"

Unser threw his hands up in an attempt to calm Hale. "There's been no crime here. Now, just take your deputies, and go back to the station."

"No crime! Are you kidding me? You told me to do my job! And you expect me to just leave!" That blood vessel didn't look like it could take much more. I watched, half-expecting it to explode…a part of me wanting it to, just for morbid curiosities sake.

"Exactly, and I have to do mine. Now, I'm telling you, there's been no crime here." Unser raised his voice with a ring of authority.

Hale lowered his gun, assessing the situation. Zobelle took his opportunity, thinking that Hale was going to turn a blind eye as well. "Deputy, my daughter and I are in possession of illegal narcotics. There's a kilo of heroin underneath the counter by the register. Please! Arrest us!"

_Are you kidding me? _David Hale had once more foiled our attempt at vengeance.

A deputy checked behind the counter and pulled out a brick of heroin. "It's here."

Moments later, Zobelle and Polly were in handcuffs, disappearing into the back of police cars, just as Weston had done.

I walked up to Jax outside the store. "We'll get him. Somehow, someway, we'll get him."

Jax threw an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. "I know." He placed a small kiss on the top my head. "I know."


	30. Chapter 30

"Come on love, wake up." My mans' sexy brogue filtered into my sleeping brain, trying to get past all the voices and images that were already there. I felt his warm hand running up my arm, vying for my attention. I opened my eyes and saw him there in front of me, sexy as a man can get, bending over the bed I lay in. "Come on, we're going out to the police station. See what we can find out about Zobelle and Weston. I know you'll want to go."

I reached out for him, grabbing his t-shirt and pulling him onto the bed with me. "Stay with me."

He smiled. "You don't want to go?"

"No, I want to go, but I want to stay here, too." I slipped my fingers into the waistband of his jeans, tugging at his belt.

"You can't have both." But even as he said it, he ran his hand up my shirt.

"Yes I can. They'll wait for us." I tugged at his t-shirt, my tired arms willing it to come off of its own accord.

Chibs smirked as he saw my frustrated face. He knew I was an impatient one. He pulled the shirt from my hands and tore it off himself, then did the same to mine. His hungry fingers slid in between my skin and my jeans from last night. After watching Zobelle get arrested for intention to distribute heroin, we had come back to the clubhouse to catch a few hours needed sleep. I had had a few strong drinks and come to our room to pass out, not even bothering to take anything but my cut off before falling onto the bed.

I kissed Chibs as he lowered his face to mine. It was a sweet, slow, but hungry kiss. Just knowing I was this man's woman did delicious things to my body. I felt him harden against my thigh, sending my need for him over the top. I reached for his belt, expecting it to open easily so I could start undoing his jeans. Unfortunately, the belt buckle he usually wore had been replaced with another one of his. One I hated because I could never get it open in a hurry. "Why the hell are you wearing this one? You know I hate it!" I could get very easily irritated in the mornings.

He laughed at me, trying to pull my struggling hands away from his buckle so he could do it himself. "But I like this one." He expertly opened the buckle with a flip of the wrist.

"Well I hate it, I think you wear it on purpose just to piss me off."

"That's what I'm here for, to piss you off." He replied, a smile in his voice and his lips against the skin of my neck.

The door opened. "Hey, Clay says hurry up and wake her- WHOAH! God, my eyes!" I couldn't see him, but I heard Juice's voice coming from the doorway. "You coulda locked the door!"

"You coulda knocked." I laughed, straightening myself on the bed and throwing my t-shirt back over my head.

"Yeah, well, you two shouldn't be allowed to do that kind of thing anymore now that you're a prospect. It's just nasty."

"Shut up and go away, you _annoying_ prick." Even though Chib's words were harsh, his tone was not. He just wanted to get back to where we were.

"Okay." Juice said in a challenging voice. "I'll send Clay in here. He can handle it."

I rolled off the bed. It would just be easier to get up and go with the rest of the guys instead of fighting about wanting to stay behind to do my man. "Come on. Let's go."

Chibs sat up, annoyed at being interrupted. He stood up and started to get dressed, mumbling a stream of Gaelic curse words under his breath that, while I had heard them for years, I could still make no sense of. I smiled at the familiarity of the situation and how good it made me feel. Only this time, instead of watching Chibs throw his arms through his cut with a pang of jealousy, I could put on my own. Even though it was only a prospect cut, it meant more to me than any other material object I owned. Okay, so maybe my engagement ring should have ranked higher, but I hadn't wanted one of those since my first living memory like I had this piece of leather.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO**

Mom, Tara and Lyla had decided to come along for the ride to the station. We'd been here for what felt like forever with no information. I could have stayed in that bed with Chibs for a few minutes longer instead of sitting out here with nothing to do but wait. Wish I had brought a pack of cards or something. As soon as I found one, they were getting a permanent place in an inside pocket of my cut just for special occasions like this.

I saw Unser walking towards the glass front doors of the police station, a defeated look on his face. We all sat up expectantly to hear what he had to say when he let the door close behind him.

"What's the news, chief?" Clay asked.

"I got nothing. Stahl's been locked in a room with the FBI for two hours now." Unser replied. "Sorry. I'll let you know when I know something." With that he turned around and went back inside the air conditioned station.

Clay put an arm around my mom. "Why don't you go back to the clubhouse, baby."

Jax nodded at me. "Why don't you escort them."

I gave him an annoyed look. "Seriously? She's my mom too, I'd like to be here."

"I'll do it." Sack spoke up from a few feet away. I kinda felt bad. He had had to do this same thing all the day before.

Jax nodded his approval and I smiled at Sack, silently thanking him. He smiled back and took off after the women. The old ladies…a club I used to be in. That's why I had wanted to join, so that I didn't have to leave or stay behind with the women when my boys went somewhere. I wasn't cut out for it. Being left out, that is.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

_Oh, that California sun feels good on my face. _I was laying in between Chibs legs, leaning on the windshield of Unser's cruiser. Chibs sat perched on the hood of the car, and my brothers sat all around me. I was half surprised the car wasn't caving in with our combined weight. I lay there, drifting in and out of consciousness. It wasn't a surprise that I could sleep anywhere, with anything going on around me. It was just a side effect of being raised around a bunch of drunken hooligans and loud mechanic equipment. It was easier for me to sleep with noise all around me than in a quiet house. That's why I kept drifting in and out, it was too quiet out here to fall deeply asleep.

"Comfortable?" Unser's voice rang from a few yards away. Why as a matter of fact I am, chief, thanks for asking. "Weston's being released, turns out, Chucky isn't a reliable witness."

"You don't say." Clay replied coyly. "Any news on Zobelle?"

Unser took a deep breath before answering. "Yeah, Zobelle's being released too."

"What?" We all sat up, giving Unser our full attention. "Why?" Jax questioned.

"Turns out, Zobelle's an FBI informant. For three years now. He moves around from place to place, going freely about his drug trade in exchange for handing over Aryan shot callers."

"A _rat_?" Clay asked, clearly disgusted.

The doors to the police station opened, and Hale strolled out, followed by Ethan and Polly Zobelle. Zobelle sauntered down the steps, looking more like a fat gray cat that had just swallowed the rat he actually was. We slid off the top of the cruiser in turns, keeping our prey in our sights. Suddenly, the rumble of more than a dozen ape hangers roared up the street, headed by a silver foreign car. None other than that Mexican asshole Alvarez driving. Zobelle smiled, looking more like he had eaten the canary this time, and stepped into the passenger side of the car.

"Let's go." Jax said, as if we needed telling. We headed towards our bikes, ready to follow the odd procession up the street.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

We followed the Mayans and Zobelle to the cigar shop. We were lined up and down either side of Main street just waiting for something to change. Either a fight was going to break out here, or it was going to break out later. Either way, we would find a method of separating Zobelle from the Mayans.

I sat and watched as Hale entered each shop on the street, safely evacuating the shop owners and customers. The deputies in the middle of the street looked around anxiously, as if the Wild West were going to break out at any minute. I couldn't blame them, not knowing how the Mayans were. We wouldn't want to open fire on main street, but the Mayans didn't care. This wasn't their home. Hell, they weren't even supposed to be here, acting as if they owned our streets. This was our territory, and the Mayans had no right to be here.

"Downloaded Otto." Jax parked his bike and moved towards Clay.

Unser walked over. "Weston's been released. Hale convinced him to get out of town, but he's going for a supervised visit with his kids in San Joaquin first."

"Thanks." Jax replied. "I'll catch him at child services." He moved towards his bike.

"I'm with you brother." Opie said, getting on his own bike.

"Hey, and me." Chibs said, pointing to himself.

Jax nodded, then looked from me to Clay, silently questioning if I could go.

Clay studied me for a moment, then nodded.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

"Where are you going?" Tara asked as I wrapped a silenced gun into my dark gray hoodie and pushed them into a bag.

"Just paying someone a little visit." I said, zipping the bag.

Tara sat down on the bed. "How are you doing with all this? I mean, can you handle it?"

"Yeah, I'm handling it fine." I encouraged, hoping she would believe the truth.

Tara shook her head in wonder. "It's just, Gemma is probably the strongest woman I know, and she wouldn't even do what you're doing."

I sat down next to her on the bed. "We all have our different strengths, Tara. Mom's is…well, being the mom. Yours is medicine. I couldn't do what you do. Not in a million years would I have the strength to place someone's life in my hands like you do."

"But isn't that what you do? Isn't that exactly what you're doing?" She nodded towards my bag. "Putting someone's life in your hands?"

The door to the room opened and Opie stuck his head in. "You ready?"

"Yeah." I nodded, standing up to leave the room. Tara followed a few feet behind. I turned around, not wanting to leave our discussion like I had. "Look, Tara. I don't have all the answers. I just know that when I'm out there, that's where I feel like I should be. It just…feels right. You get that, don't you?"

She nodded and smiled, placing an arm around my shoulders. "Not exactly, but I understand the need to be where it feels right. Come on, I don't want to make you late."

We moved arm in arm out of the room and up the hallway, into the bar where Jax, Opie and Chibs stood waiting on us. Tara left me to occupy the space underneath Jax's arm, and I walked over to Chibs, wrapping an arm around his waist.

"You ready?" Jax asked me. I nodded my response. He turned to Tara. "We'll be back later."

"Okay. Your mom and I are going to the grocery store. We're running low on a few things." Tara answered.

"Okay. Take Sack with you." He gave her a short kiss before turning to leave.

"We will." Tara replied.

I made my way out of the bar, ignoring the curious looks I was so used to getting by now. These people had seen many things, but a woman in a cut was still very new to them.

Outside, we went over to one of our blacked out vans. Chibs and I piled in the back, while Opie took the passenger's seat and Jax drove.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

"There the dirty bastard is." I watched as Weston strolled out of the San Joaquin child service office with his youngest son.

"Wonder where the other one is?" Jax questioned.

"Do we really care?" I asked from my seat on the bench in the back of the van.

"Not really." Jax started the van and followed Weston and the San Joaquin deputy down the road. After a few blocks into the city, Weston stopped at a familiar tattoo shop.

"I've been here before. This is where that really hot black tatter works right?" Three pairs of raised eyebrows turned to look at me. "What? I can say a chick is hot!"

Jax just shook his head with a smile and turned to face the windshield again, but Opie spoke. "Yeah. You came here with me once. I know the guy that owns it."

"Really?" Jax asked and Opie nodded.

"I'll go see what we're dealing with." Opie climbed out of the van and shut the door. I watched as he walked up to the shop and covertly peered through its windows from the corner of the shop.

"Two tatters, another customer, the deputy, Weston and his kid." Opie said when he had climbed back in the van. He opened his phone and searched through it for minute, then held it up to his ear.

"Hello?" I heard a man's warbled voice come through line.

"Freddie, this is Opie, Samcro. The guy on your table – swastika tattoos?"

"Yep." I heard come through the phone when Opie paused.

"In about five minutes, give him a reason to go to the bathroom, alone."

After a few moments pause, I heard him say, "Will do." The line disconnected.

"Okay. Let's go." Jax said as he stuck his gun in the waistband of his jeans.

I pulled my gun out of my bag and did the same, covering it with the baggy hoodie I was wearing. We piled out of the van, making our way around to the back of the shop. Only one car sat in the back alley, but Opie had said there were two tatters in the shop. Looks like Freddie was getting him a piece of that hot black chick that worked there. I silently wondered how Weston felt about getting tattooed at a shop that employed "coloreds," and how he would have reacted if Freddie had been busy, and it had been the girl who had taken whatever stupid tattoo he was getting now. The scene that ensued in my head wasn't pretty. I could only imagine the ugly things he would say to the poor girl. This dude really was sick.

"The bathroom is in the back of the store. They won't be able to see us if we go in here." Opie said as we paused by the back door to the shop.

"I'll go in first. Make sure the deputy didn't need to take an ill-timed piss break." I looked to Jax to make sure it was okay, then quietly opened the door. I peered my head in, making sure Opie was right, and that we were safely hidden back here. When I saw that it was clear, I opened the door further and stepped inside. The back room was filled with folded up tattoo tables and supply cabinets that held needles, ink, paper towels, and cleaning supplies. I opened the door I still held to motion for the others to come in. We quietly walked into the bathroom. What I had expected to be one room with a toilet and sink, was actually filled with a few stalls, urinals, and a sink. We took our places and waited for Weston to enter the bathroom. I leaned my head back against the wall I was standing in front of, thinking about the situation. Tara's words from earlier came floating back to me. _"Isn't that what you're doing now? Putting someone's life in your hands?"_ She wondered how I dealt with all the blood. It was simple, actually. This man had hurt my mother, and he deserved far worse than what we were about to give him. Not only that, this man was a menace to society. He had hurt many people for some stupid, close-minded cause, and he would hurt many more if we allowed him to live. Plus, he would raise his sons to do the same thing. I guess in that way we were vigilantes…

The bathroom door opened and Weston came in. We moved from our positions on the wall, raising our guns at him. That was when his youngest son stepped in behind him.

"Shit." I heard Jax mumble under his breath. "Get rid of him." Jax motioned his gun towards Weston's son.

Weston bent down to his son, placing his hands on his shoulders. I watched as he gave Duke his goodbye speech. The poor young boy seemed so scared and innocent that my heart ached for him. "…and no matter what, you never, ever talk to the cops. Okay?"

Duke nodded, and Weston kissed the top of his head and sent him on his way. I watched as the young boy walked out of the bathroom. He would never see his father again, and I knew what that felt like. But while my father was a good man, someone to be admired, to model yourself after, Duke's was not. But would that really matter to him? It _is_ his father, and he's too young to realize what kind of scum the man is. I wondered what kind of toll today would take on him for the rest of his life. It couldn't be good. Would he grow up and want revenge? Had we just ruined this kids life? Or had we saved him from living the same one his father did, having no respect for people different than you, and no moral compass as long as you were looking out for your own fucked up greater good?

_Zip. Zip. _I listened as Jax poured bullets into Weston's skull. There, it was done, revenge at last…But the void hadn't miraculously filled up as I thought it would. All we had done was create another cycle that would never end.


	31. Chapter 31

"I love you." Chibs whispered as he wrapped his arm around me in the back of the van.

I snuggled closer to him and laid my head on his shoulder. "Love you too."

He ran his hand up and down my arm as if he was trying to warm me up. "You know, these past few days…they've been easier to handle than I thought they'd be. I was so worried about you being in danger…I guess I forgot that you really do know how to handle yourself."

"You should know. You taught me how." I breathed in the scent of him, listening as the leather from our cuts rubbed together.

"Hey, I helped." Jax shot back at us from the driver's seat.

"We all did." Opie replied.

"Yeah, I guess I have learned something specific from all of you."

"And kicked my ass plenty of times." We all laughed at Jax's words. Our most memorable "play" fight had been several years ago, but it was one I would never forget. Not that I remembered all of it…luckily Juice had videotaped it. Jax and I, for whatever reason, had decided to challenge each other in the ring for the millionth time. We stood several feet from each other in the ring, waiting for Juice's signal that the camera he insisted on was ready. The moment he said go, we lunged at each other, both of us going in for a head butt. Our foreheads connected, pain split me in half, and the next thing I remember was Chibs standing over me waving smelling salts. Jax was right beside me in the same position on the floor of the mat with a knot on his head. The video was hilarious, and was one I had seen many times. With us both head butting, the force was like hitting a brick wall that hit back. The video shows us connecting, swaying, then collapsing in a heap on top of each other at the same time. Then Juice yelled for Chibs and laughingly took his time to put the camera down on the picnic table so it could still catch the action. Bobby entered the screen from the right, yelling, "What happened?" Chibs yelled for Juice to go get the smelling salts as he climbed in the ring, Juice ran off and back on screen, and a minute later, we woke up with matching bumps on our heads and blackening eyes.

We've never used that move on each other again. I'll head butt people, he'll head butt people…but you'll never catch us using it on each other. Not ever.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, I pulled it out, glancing at the screen. "Clay."

"We came back to the clubhouse. Left Juice and a few others watching of Alvarez at the cigar shop." I could hear the noise of people in the club as Clay spoke.

"Okay. We're on our way." I shut the phone after Clay's goodbye. "They're back at the clubhouse. Left Juice at the cigar shop."

"Wonder why he's calling you?" Opie sat up straighter in his seat as he spoke.

"Show of support?"Chibs reasoned.

"No. He reckons if shit was going down with Weston right now, I'd be the one more likely to be left behind in the van."

"Yeah, like you'd let something happen without you being in the middle of it." Jax smiled at me in the rearview mirror.

"Doesn't know me at all does he?" I grinned back at Jax in the mirror as we all broke out into laughter.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

"It's done." Jax said as we entered the clubhouse reuniting with the members that were present.

Shots were waiting on us and were thrust into our hands as we joined the others at the bar.

"Sons." We all raised our glasses and toasted each other in unison. The liquor burned down my throat as Clay grasped Jax by the shoulders and said, "You're a good son."

I wondered which way Clay meant that phrase. Hopefully it had a double meaning. Either way, it was good to see the two of them embrace each other. It was just like old times. Maybe the club wasn't doomed to split down the middle. After all, that split revolved around the two men who now stood holding each other like bosom friends.

Clay turned to me and motioned me over. "Come here." He hugged me tightly, then took me by my shoulders. Loud enough for those close to hear, he said, "I am so proud of you. And I'm glad you're one of us now. We do need you." With that, he grabbed Jax with his other arm, pulling us into a family hug. When we broke apart, he spoke a little louder to me than he had before. "You do belong here."

I got a few claps on the back from other members before Happy placed another shot in my hands. "Hear, hear." Was the cry from my leather-clad brothers as we downed the shot. Tears threatened to well up in my eyes at the obvious acceptance from not only those that had voted me in and knew me well, but also from those that lived in other towns, other states. The ones that I felt the need to prove myself to. Whether Clay's words were real, or if he was just trying to bridge the gap and sweep the past under the rug, I didn't know. Probably never would. It didn't matter now, though. These men had seen me handle myself, both last night and today, and had heard the mother charter's president give his obvious approval. Word would spread, and I would slowly achieve acceptance from all of the Sons.

"Yeah?" Clay spoke into his phone. "Okay." He hung up and turned towards us. "It's time."

We broke into action. Everyone but Chibs, Jax, Opie, and I moved towards the door. We headed to the chapel instead, quickly getting the guns and ammo we would need for what we were about to do. We met the others in the parking lot. They had already made their trip to the chapel for necessary supplies. Clay and the other members of Samcro had already pulled their bikes out of their spaces, but were waiting on us to fall in behind them. When we did, the members of other charters fell in behind us, Unser's delivery truck fell in behind them, and we were off.

We flew through town and up towards the highway, anxious to meet up with Juice and the other members already following Zobelle and the Mayans. Soon enough, I felt a thrill run through my body at the familiar sight of Juice's mohawk. Clay threw his hand out, motioning for the driver of the delivery truck to move on ahead. I watched the truck overtake me, the first set of Mayans, Alvarez and Zobelle in the car, then settle into the slow lane right in front of the leading Mayans. Samcro and the Sons behind us expertly spread out in the lanes available, leaving enough room between us for falling Mexicans. I pulled my gun from the holster under my cut, ready to start shooting when necessary. The door to the delivery truck flew open signaling go time, and seconds later I was dodging skidding ape hangers left and right. I shot into the frenzy of Mayans, careful to aim so I wouldn't hit one of my own. As I flew past Mayan men that had been detached from their rides, I resisted the urge to lower my pistol to the road and pop a few. We were probably already going to go to war with the Mayans after this…I didn't need to make it a definite. Soon, we had Alvarez separated from most of his crew.

I skidded to a halt behind Zobelle's car, glancing at the destroyed tire someone had shot out. Alvarez got out from the driver's side, pointing his gun at us.

"This is between us and Zobelle. Take your men and go." Clay urged Alvarez to leave while he could.

Alvarez jumped onto one of his members bikes, who took off as soon as he was settled.

Zobelle had taken the momentary distraction to jump in the driver's seat of his car and take off on his rims.

We peacefully followed him up the highway and as he got off and headed for a service station. A bus sat outside the store, and a few children meandered outside under the canopy.

Tig walked back over to us from the store. "There's a bunch of kids in there. Some kind of field trip stop"

"We wait for the kids to leave, then tell the shop owner to take a break." Clay informed us, telling us with a look to settle in and wait.

I straddled on my bike, hanging my hands over the handlebars. I began absentmindedly twisting my ring on my left hand as I watched the glass fronts of the store. The people outside threw nervous glances at us occasionally, silently questioning our purpose here.

"What is this?" Bobby's hand shot out and slapped the palm of my left hand.

Jax looked over to see what Bobby meant. I watched as his blue eyes narrowed in on my ring, then opened wide in questioning shock as he looked up at me.

I kept silent, nodding my answer. I didn't want to draw too much attention to what he had realized during this situation. However, I couldn't keep myself from splitting into a wide grin as he studied my face.

Jax's eyes quickly found Chibs somewhere behind me. I didn't turn, choosing instead to study Jax as he silently processed his emotions. Yet when he quickly strode up to Chibs I did turn to watch. He threw his arms around Chibs in an affectionate but fierce hug, clapping him on the back. He pulled back to grasp Chibs face in his hands. _"Brother."_

All eyes were on them, but no one but Bobby had understood what the exchange meant. I turned back to look at Bobby, his face filled with joy at his realization. He gave me a quick grin before looking up at someone behind me. Judging by his widening grin and the way his eyes rose with who he was watching, that person was getting closer. I swung my leg over my bike and turned to face Jax, who pulled me up into a bone-crushing hug. I could feel his delight in his arms and hear it in his breath. He was elated. It only shocked me because I hadn't expected a reaction this fierce considering what we were in the middle of. I guess my mother was right…we needed some light in our lives right now. I barely heard the murmurs of confusion around me. My brother's laugh and happiness were infectious. They filled me up with such joy that I thought I would burst. I could have left right then. Left Zobelle to fend for himself…not worried about the revenge I was no longer bloodthirsty for. There were more important things in my life, like the love of my family and a good man. Jax dropped me to the pavement before seizing my face in his hands, leaning back to look at me. His smile took my breath away. It was one I hadn't seen in months.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked before placing a quick, rambunctious kiss on my forehead.

"Tell you what?...What are they doing?..._What the hell?"_ The voices of my brothers rent the air, and finally Jax looked around at them all, never taking his hands from my face.

"They're getting married!" He cried with a bark of laughter before looking back at me with a look of utter contentment on his face.

"About time!...Congrats, brother!...What took you so long!" I heard the voices around me as they all crowded around Chibs.

I tuned them out as I stared into Jax's eyes, a wealth of information passing between us in only a way we could manage. I could feel his emotions. He was happy, proud, beyond words, as was I. I silently told him how happy it made me to see him like this. It meant as much to me as marrying the man of my dreams to see the weight of the world lifted off my brothers shoulders.

"Does mom know?" Jax asked.

I nodded as his phone rang and hands started pulling me away from him, many voices congratulating me. It did us all good to have the tension break, to have a normal moment of joy in the middle of all this stress and destruction. I laughed, realizing that my mother was right, and I was wrong. Apparently, this _was_ perfect timing. Soon, this would be over. Zobelle would join Weston in the hereafter, and we could all go home and start planning a wedding. My brother would be the one to give me away. There would be no doubt about that.

"Tara? _Tara?_" The confusion in my brother's voice caught all of our attention. I felt his terror wash over me, smothering the happiness of seconds before.

"Something's wrong. I gotta go." Jax looked up at Clay, his eyes hard.

"Go. We'll handle this." Clay nodded at Jax.

Chibs, Opie and I followed Jax out of the lot and back onto the highway, all rushing back to Charming, the tension back in our shoulders, wondering what new terror awaited us.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

Jax burst through the front door, the three of us immediately behind him. He paused in the doorway of the kitchen, freezing up at some unseen horror. I pushed past him, my eyes falling to the scene on the floor.

"Tara! Tara!" Jax turned back into the hallway running frantically through the house, searching for Tara.

The implications of what I saw ran through my mind. Where was Tara? My mother? Abel? Are they hurt? Who did this? Why? I'll kill them. No. No. No. I dropped to my knees besides Half-Sacks body, placing a trembling hand on his blood-soaked chest. Chibs knelt over Sack's body, muttering painfully at the sight. Pain threatened to burst through me as I stared at the cold dead face in Chibs hands. Something akin to sobs racked through my body, but my chest felt too tight to let them reach the top. Agonizing pain squeezed through my chest, threatening to suffocate me, settling in my shoulders, pinching them up in agony. An overwhelming weight settled onto my shoulders; devastating, crushing weight. My brother was gone. He couldn't be gone. No. He had to wake up. _Wake up? _My insanity made me want to cry. He would never wake up. Never. Tears fell over my cheeks. I let them flow, hardly aware they were there.

"We have to go. Cameron took Abel." Jax's terrified shout reached me as if it had had to travel through a long tunnel to reach my ears. His words made no sense.

Suddenly he was there, sliding down onto the floor, grabbing my shoulders, but my focus remained on Sack. "Do you hear me?" He shook me violently. "He kidnapped Abel! We have to go."

My head snapped up, my eyes narrowing. "Cameron." It was question, even though it had sounded like a command.

"Yes. We have to go, Clay's on his way to the Wharf." Jax's frantic terror filled my lungs, buoying me up, helping me stand under the immense weight on my shoulders.

"Let's go."


	32. Chapter 32

"_**He took my son!"**_I squeezed my eyes tight in the hopes of shutting out the memory of Jax's agonizing screams. I rolled over, away from the blinding sunlight, reaching down for the joint in the ashtray on the floor by the bed.

Abel was gone. _Gone_. As was Sack. God, why was it always me? Isn't there a limit to how many loved ones someone could lose? I thought of Half-Sack lying cold on the kitchen floor in the house just across the street from where I lay now. His body was no longer there…it was probably in the funeral home by now, but that didn't stop the image from being burned onto the back of my eyelids. The lifeless eyes, once so filled with laughter and light, haunted my every moment. I tried to remember his smile, only to remember the slack excuse for it parted slightly in his sudden death. How much had he suffered? I felt guilty. It was I, after all, that Jax had asked to babysit Tara and my mother. Would it have gone differently if I had been there? Or would it be me Jax had found on the floor of his kitchen. I felt responsible for Sacks death. Maybe always would.

The scene, not to mention the situation, painfully reminded me of Endo's death. I had thought I would never gain another friend that saw through me as Endo had, and I had been blessed to come home and find a friend that filled most of that gaping hole inside of me. Now it was as if someone had doubled that hole within me, just scooped out nice big hole in my chest. Empty, ragged and raw around the edges…but mostly…intolerably empty. After lighting the joint I pulled the TWENTY with Sack's words written across it from my bedside table. I stared at it, waiting for the relief that would come from the high of the drug. But it would never come, no matter how much I smoked, drank or sulked hidden away from the world in my bedroom. Running the bill through my fingers, I tried to remember the day I had received it. My brother, yes, that's what he was, had given it to me to help relieve some of the stress I was feeling. The events, the worry of that day all seemed so far away now. I was glad I had this token from him. I would keep it always, a memento treasured for its nostalgia, worth far, far more to me than the number written in its corners. Soon the priceless paper began to swim in front of my eyes, the effect of the joint I crushed in the ashtray. Still I stared, not knowing or caring how long I did, for in this drug induced haze, time had no meaning. Moments later, or was it hours, the bedroom door creaked open. Somewhere in the back of my mind a red flag went up, this house was new…the hinges shouldn't be creaking yet. Maybe the house, like myself, felt as if it had lived through many long years in the past few days. Or maybe that's just how long I had been lying here. It was hard to tell. The door closed, and after a few moments of silence I assumed I was alone again.

All was lost. My nephew was gone, and I had lost another best friend. I barely spared a thought for my mother, who was God knows where now, on the run. This life, the one I had wanted to lead since I could remember, the one I loved with all my might and soul…it had bitten me in the ass. I was hurt, in shock, as if a beloved pet had suddenly turned rabid. Who takes someone's child? It's not in the rulebook…it's not something that happens. Not to us…only to people who lead normal lives…work as an accountant and come home to a large house and a home cooked meal. The irony of that thought resounded through my mind. I pondered it, though, realizing how right I was. We got away with murder, and the innocents of the world had their children stolen, never to return. But did we deserve this? I knew that wasn't true, but some part of me warred with that belief. Was it not our own actions that had resulted in this misfortune? I thought back over the actions that led up to Abel's kidnapping. No, we didn't cause this. Stahl did, Cameron did. Even Zobelle did, but not us. But if we didn't lead the lives we did, we wouldn't have been targets for Zobelle, which wouldn't have eventually led my mother to that safe house. My heart splintered as if by a physical blow as I realized that the safe house was only occupied by Stahl and the feds because Chibs had given up its location to her. Granted, Eddy had opened the door, but Chibs was the one who had told Stahl to knock. Misery filled me as silent tears fell, running down my face and into my ears. I couldn't do this. I couldn't sit here and trace these actions back as far as they would go. I would end up who knew where, and drive myself crazy in the pursuit to find where it all started. I settled with going as far back as Jimmy O, only to get the blame off Chibs. Was I to blame everyone who had a hand in our devastation? If I sat and picked it apart…I would end up hating everyone, including my mother. I would resolve to set my sights on Cameron. Maybe Stahl would wind up in the grave with him. The situation did make me feel how large the implications of one's actions could be. It all went back my dad's manuscript…

"She's the same as Jackie-boy. Been staring at the ceiling for hours, hasn't showered since everything happened. I can't do anything with her, she won't talk to me." Chibs pain filled voice floated down the hallway. Who he was speaking to was a mystery. One I didn't care to solve.

The door opened again, but I continued to stare at the twenty-dollar bill. Moments later the bed sagged under someone's added weight.

"Ace." It was Opie.

I ignored him.

"Ace. Look at me." A hand wrapped around my wrist, while his other patiently waited to remove the bill from my grasp. I let it go, only because I didn't want to tear it in the struggle to keep it. When he took it away, I let my hands fall to my stomach, not really seeing the ceiling that swirled in my view.

"Sit up."

I gave no outwards sign I had heard, but in my mind I scoffed at his words. Did he think this would work? Did he think he could say the magic words that would make me suddenly feel anything other than the pain and numbness? Ironic, isn't it, to feel both in such large quantities, but it was the truth.

His face abruptly swam before my eyes, or had it been there for ages? I suddenly wished I was no longer high. I couldn't control anything anymore. I needed to be able to at least understand the small things clearly. I started fruitlessly searching my mind for the knowledge of a miraculous off switch I knew didn't exist.

"You need to snap out of this. People rely on you, you can't just hide back here like this." Opie hovered over me, his arms on either side me holding himself up.

I tried to speak, but only a croak left me. I swallowed, suddenly realizing how dry my throat was. "Like who?" I let disgust color my tone. No one relied on me. I was hopeless…helpless. I couldn't protect anyone. I heard a sad whimper to my right. I listened, refusing to turn my head to see who else was in the room. It was Chibs. I could tell from the familiar sounds of his breathing and movements.

Opie looked up at the wall, where I assumed Chibs was leaning. "Can you give us a minute, Chibs? Why don't you go check on Jax?"

I heard him push off the wall and exit the room. Was it just that I knew how he felt? Or could I really hear the sadness in his walk?

Opie turned back to me then, fixing me with a determined stare. "_He _relies on you."

"He doesn't need me." I spoke as I heard someone push off the wall. Who the hell else was here? Opie's eyes flashed up to the new person who was steadily making their way to the bed.

"You think this is just about you?" Juice appeared in the corner of my eye. I turned to look at him; his face was filled with anger. "You think you're the only one who lost a brother? A nephew? How dare you sit over here and think you're the only one who's hurting right now. Chibs needs you. Jax needs you. He's over there right now in the same position you're in, wallowing in his misery. You're no use to anyone like this. You're no use to _Abel_, now get your ass up and take a shower." His words shot through me like a knife. How dare he? It reminded me of the kind of thing Half-Sack would say to me. _Stop wallowing. This isn't about just you._

I was lost in my thoughts, remembering the pain of losing Sack again. Opie disappeared, but before I could process why, Juice's hands reached under my arms, pulling me up into a sitting position. He leaned down, wrapping his arms around my waist, heaving me over his shoulder. I lost all sense of direction as I flew into the air. Trying to orient myself, I felt juice's hands, one on my waist, the other in the crook of knees. I felt his shoulder under my stomach, balancing me as he made his way into the bathroom. He put me down, momentarily grasping my shoulders to ensure I remained on my feet. I watched him turn the shower on, frozen where I stood. When he turned to pull a fresh towel from the linen closet, I sunk to the bathroom floor, leaning my head against the cold wall. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Opie watching me from the doorway, leaning against the frame. Juice appeared in front of me, and Opie walked over to help him stand me up again. Opie stood behind me as Juice tugged at the hem of my t-shirt, pulling it over my head, leaving the white undershirt I wore. When he turned to the buttons of my jeans, I snapped out of it.

"I'm not an invalid." I stated, trying to brush his hands from my pants.

"You're acting like it." He went back to work on my buttons, pulling the jeans down to my ankles. I realized he was trying to make a point. He picked my feet up one by one, sliding the jeans over them. "Do you want Chibs to see you like this?" He asked as he stood back up.

"No." The anguish in my voice surprised me. I leaned forward, burying my head in his chest, tears threatening to spill uncontrollably.

He wrapped his arms around me in a tight squeeze, not speaking for few moments. "Can you do the rest yourself?" He said as he felt me pulling away from him.

"Yes. Thank you, Juice. For everything. You too, Opie." I felt Opie squeeze my shoulder before leaving the room. I let go of Juices shirt and watched him leave the room, shutting the door behind him. I stripped the rest of my clothes off before stepping into the shower.

As I washed my hair, my thoughts strayed back to my father's manuscript…Was I destined to wallow in my father's existential crisis as well? So far I had been. This wasn't me, I didn't wallow in my misery. Sack had said so, Opie and Juice as well. Maybe it was time to wake up and stop listening to dead men. At least one of them. Maybe all was not lost. We would lay Sack to rest. We would get Abel back. I still had many family members left to support me, as Juice and Opie had shown. I had a support system of people who knew all the different sides of me. I still had love, and maybe one day I would regain laughter. For now I just needed to survive. All was not lost. No, all was not lost.


	33. Epilogue

"A! A!" Abel tugged on my dress trying to get my attention. I spun around to my nephew, laughing as I picked him up. It warmed my heart to hear him call my name, even if he could only manage the first letter.

"Give him to me. His shoes are going to mess your dress up." My mother tried to take the reluctant Abel from my arms.

"Go to grandma, Abel." I kissed him on the forehead before handing him to Gemma.

"No!" The toddler shouted.

"Hey, you listen to your aunt young man."

I spun around, my dress swishing around my feet.

My brother stood in the door of the tent beaming at the scene before him.

"Well, don't you look nice?"he said.

I beamed back at him, my elation threatening to fill me up with the same effect as helium. I knew any minute now I was going to float towards the ceiling of the tent, unable to stop myself. A comical scene of Abel laughing and Gemma watching in horror as Jax grasped my ankles, pulling back down to the floor bloomed unbidden into my mind. I laughed aloud at the thought.

"What?" Jax asked as he walked over to me.

"Nothing. You just might have guide me down the aisle by my ankle, as if I'm a human balloon." I gripped the lapels of Jax's suit to ground myself.

Our mother shot me an understanding look before turning to Jax. "We're going to go sit down. Make sure she is dressed _appropriately,_ please. " She smiled at me before making her way out of the tent with Abel on her hip.

Jax turned back to me and smiled. "You ready for this?"

I nodded. "More than ready. How's Chibs?"

"Who? Oh, uh, well, that's what I came in here to talk to you about…you see…" He pointed over his shoulder towards the road, looking solemn. My stomach fell to the floor of the tent. He couldn't hold his joke for long though, and broke into a wide smile. "…he can't wait to marry you. He's practically floating."

I aimed a fist at Jax's arm. "I hate you right now!" Even as I said it, I smiled.

"Ow!"Jax rubbed the spot where my fist had made contact. "Do you really think he'd get cold feet?"

"Maybe? I don't know! But you don't do that to a girl on her wedding day! I'm nervous as it is!"

"Are _you_ getting cold feet?" He smiled at my choice of words.

"Never." I straightened his lapel as Tara and Lyla appeared in the doorway.

"It's time." Tara spoke while Lyla just smiled at me.

"Come on, you have to take this off now." Jax slipped his hands under my cut at the shoulders.

"You weren't seriously thinking of wearing that out there were you?" Tara asked from the doorway.

"She would have." Jax grinned as he slipped my fully patched cut off my shoulders before throwing it over the chair next to him.

I gave it a last forlorn look, wishing I had been allowed to wear it over my beautiful wedding dress. Maybe I could slip back in here after the ceremony and wear it at the reception. I was brought out of my thoughts as Jax gently swiped some of my honey blonde hair off my shoulders. I didn't dye it black anymore, and the amount of sun I had seen this summer had given me plenty of natural highlights. An affect I had missed about my hair while in my state of mourning. I would always remember Endo and his sacrifice for me, but no longer felt the grief of his death in every step I took. Nor did I feel the same grief for Half-Sack. They were always with me, their voices cropping up in my conscience as much as my mother's did. I kept a picture of Endo and I, right alongside Sack's twenty, in an inside pocket of my cut. They were never removed, except for occasions such as this, where I had taken Sack's twenty and folded it neatly into my bra, to be my something borrowed. I had folded the twenty I gave him into an inside pocket of his cut at his viewing. That was a year and a half ago. I had had time to process through my grief for the men that had given their life for me and my family. In the process, I had realized that I had so much to live for. So many people who loved me, relied on me. My heart filled to bursting with love as Jax lead me out of the tent behind Tara and Lyla. I looked at the people around me, hundreds of them. Sons and their families filled the rows in the back. I looked up the long aisle in front of me, searching for only one person. My eyes met his, and in that moment, he was the only person on the sprawling grassy grounds that were the only place big enough in Charming that fit all my friends and family. His face swelled with elation at the sight of me, his eyes twinkling in the sunlight. Jax's arm under mine was the only thing that kept me from running up the aisle to Chibs. I walked slowly, steadily, past my friends and distant brothers, finally reaching the front row, the ones with my true family. My brothers. My family. Not all blood, mind you, but all family. My mother stood in front of the seat nearest the aisle, holding a squirming Abel in her arms, Clays arm around her waist. In the brief moment my eyes met hers, I saw her tears of joy threatening to overflow. Clay nodded, a warm smile on his lips. Tig stood next to him, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Next to Tig stood Bobby, and by him, Opie and his children, making up the bride's family. I looked to the other side of the aisle, the groom's side, to see Happy, Kozic, and Piney, rounded off with a few new prospects. My heart swelled to see them all there.

Juice stood two spaces behind Chibs, the second groomsman. Tara had taken her place as Maid of Honor, and behind her stood Lyla, my second bridesmaid. If I had been able to come up with more bridesmaids, several more of my brothers would be standing behind Chibs right now, but as the only women I knew well enough were Lyla and Tara, and Juice, Tig, Opie, and Kozic had point blank refused to wear a dress, our bridal party was a bit small.

I turned my full focus back to Chibs as he stepped down to Jax and I and the preacher began to speak. "Who gives this woman to this man?"

Jax turned his sparkling eyes to me, and loudly said, "Her family."

Cheers went up around me from the front row, with no regards for the usual wedding decorum. I smiled at their reactions, but did not look around. I only had eyes for Chibs. Jax put my hand in Chibs before stepping past us to fill his spot as best man. I looked deep into my soon-to-be husband's eyes, willing the moment to last forever. The preacher began his speech, and I only half listened as I smiled at Chibs. Our eye contact only broke when I slid his wedding ring onto his hand, and when he slid my claddagh ring off my left hand, only to turn it around and slide it back onto my finger in the position it would hold for the rest of my life.

"You may now kiss the bride."

Chibs put a hand on the back of my neck, pulling me to him even as he stepped forward. Our lips met, saying all the things we needn't say aloud. Whistles, cheers and applause filled the air, coming not only from the front row, but from the entire crowd this time.

**SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO SAMCRO **

"_Come on,_ dance with me!"

"I can't Tig, I've danced with _everyone_. I just need a minute to rest my feet." I sat down next to Chibs at our table and reached for his plate of food. He had danced with me first, then with my mom, Tara, Lyla and me again before ambling off the dance floor to mingle with our guests._ I_ however, had danced with every man in our charter, and several of my closest friends from other charters. Even with the ballet flats I wore in lieu of heels, my feet were aching.

Tig huffed down into the chair next to me, shooting me a play annoyed look before stealing a chicken tender from Chibs plate. "Yeah, but I'm special, I get as many dances as I want."

Chibs chuckled. "Leave my wife alone Tig, before she throws something at you."

I smiled at the loving way Chibs had said _wife_ before turning to pat Tig's arm. "Of course you're special, you have the next dance."

"No he doesn't, I do." Juice appeared from the crowd, winking at me as he sat down next to Chibs.

"No, neither of you do." Chibs stood and took my hand. "I want to dance with my wife." He called to Juice and the spluttering Tig before leading me out on the floor.

I giggled like a school girl as he spun me around the floor, my aching feet no longer mattering. He wrapped his strong warm arms around me and held me close, our faces pressed together. I watched the people on the floor as we spun on the spot, content with having him hold me so tightly. My eyes followed a swish of blonde hair to see Lyla, held close by Opie, her eyes staring up into her husbands, a bright smile upon her face. We revolved on the spot, and my eyes found Tara, swaying slowly to the music with Jax, her face alight with laughter at something funny he'd just said. They turned to reveal Jax's shining face, his eyes radiant with glee. He looked up and caught my eye, smiling a contently as if to say, _all is well._

All was well. I leaned in to Chibs, sighing with relief. We were whole, we were all together again. I had just married the man of my dreams, and my family was here to share it with me. I was happy. I could deal with anything life threw at me, because I had my husband, my family, and my club. Indeed, all was well. All was as it should be.


End file.
